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Douchebagfree posted 6/11/2013 13:41 PM

Will the mind games ever stop?

Douchebag has really turned this into the ultimate mind game and my head is literally spinning.

I can't handle the fake niceness, the sharing of information that has nothing to do with me, the constant updates on house stuff that he should just be handling. He literally walks around like nothing is wrong and then offers to do things for me.

WTF is going on in that head of his?

anewday78 posted 6/11/2013 15:23 PM

I've been following your story. Your strength and level-headeness has really stood out to me. I have a feeling it stands out to your STBXH too. I think it drives him crazy. I think deep down inside he knows he's driving off a cliff but feels compelled to put on appearances in front of you. I do think he is a bit sociopathic (from your descriptions of him); however, you are handling him as you should be - with absolutely ZERO emotion. That is so important when dealing with a sociopath - since they cannot actually experience emotions within themselves, they must feign emotion by gauging emotion in others. The fact that you are showing no emotion leaves him confused and it really exposes him as he demonstrates emotional reactions that are incongruent with the situation in which he finds himself.

Also, I want to tell you that those text messages that were supposed to go to his "twinkie" - the "Almost home, Angel" and the "Just unloading" messages - make no mistake, those were actually meant for YOU! He's waiting for a reaction. Those were desperate attempts for a reaction. Don't give it to him. Keep on doing what you're doing. Don't let him break you - BREAK HIM!

movingforward13 posted 6/11/2013 15:40 PM

Keep handling with no emotion. He wants a reaction out of you. Your ex is the worse, the type of person that rejoices in your sorrow. Please google passive aggressive men. You ex fits that situation with the text messages. He is definitely looking for a reaction, to see you break down. Don't give it to him. No reaction will hurt him worse. And if you can. Stop interacting with him.

anewday78 posted 6/11/2013 16:01 PM

You're very lucky since you have no children with him. Once this is all over, get down on your knees and thank the heavens that you've been freed of this dark force. I feel very sorry for the OW and, especially, the child they're bringing into this world. Hell, she's just a child herself. At 22 years old, she should be out drinking with her friends and having a good time. Instead, she'll be thrust into the role of mommy and she'll learn fairly quickly that she got far less than she bargained for when she REALLY gets to know your STBXH - the man for whom you've been playing the role of mommy for too long. He'll most likely walk out on her when he realizes that he doesn't want to be inconvenienced with a child and a needy baby mama. He'll do it without any remorse.

By that time, I hope you'll have changed your phone number, email address, and locked-down your social media profiles so he absolutely cannot contact you. As a matter of fact, if I were you, I'd change my phone number(s) as soon as the last 'i' is dotted and the last 't' is crossed on all the divorce/house paperwork.
As grounded and intelligent as you seem, you're going to do just fine without him - you should look to the near future with a great deal of enthusiasm...and relief!

Douchebagfree posted 6/11/2013 16:36 PM

I have wondered about those text messages myself. I have NEVER texted anyone by accident especially in this type of situation. In fact, I double check my texts to friends if they have anything to do with him :)

Throughout our entire relationship I was always the "emotional" one. If I was angry, I would tell him why. If there was a problem, I wanted to talk about it. And what did I get from him 100% of the time? Either silence, or the usual "what do you want me to say".

This time, I have done the opposite. No contact. No "lets work it out". NOTHING! I wonder if that's what's driving him crazy so he tries to bait me with the texts intended for the Twinkie.

What I don't understand is how he can possibly get joy out of trying to hurt me?

SBB posted 6/11/2013 16:56 PM

It is all about control. Get ready for the fuckery to escalate the more he realises he no longer has that perceived control over you.

We cannot control their fuckery but we can control how much we let it impact our lives.

I treat the sad clown like an incompetent and irritating colleague - someone I have to tolerate but who is not a part of my life. It works, mostly.

anewday78 posted 6/11/2013 17:34 PM

The "what do you want me to say?" response is further indication that he is a sociopath. He does not have a built in moral/emotional compass so he relies on cues from others to drive his own reactions. The similaritiy between a sociopath and a narcissist comes down to control.
The difference between a sociopath and a narcissist is motivation. Narcissists are motivated by exerting control in order to feed their egos. Sociopaths are motivated by exerting control to feed their desperate need for entertainment - people are there for the Sociopath's entertainment. You are disposable. When you no longer provide a sense of entertainment, you are to be crushed like a bug. When you strip a sociopath of his power, he often self destructs.
Don't provide him with any entertainment - he WILL self destruct...it's already begun.

[This message edited by anewday78 at 5:37 PM, June 11th (Tuesday)]

Douchebagfree posted 6/11/2013 23:12 PM

I think you ladies would be proud of me.

Douchebag came by today to pick up more stuff. Funny that none of his family helped him move, not even his brother. I'm guessing he's keeping them away out of fear that they'll find out the truth, lol. The charade must be exhausting. Funny thing is, he doesn't know that they've already contacted me, with the exception of his parents.

We shared a few standard "who's taking what" conversations. I was pleasant throughout the whole thing. We even shared a fake laugh about an ugly piece of furniture he seems to be fond of.

The friend he brought over to help him move would barely even look at me. He probably thought I'd cause a scene because I'm sure that's what douchebag told him about me. Not going to happen. After running into the poor guy for the third time in the house, I finally introduced myself with a smile on my face and said "nice to meet you". The look on his face was priceless. Not the two headed beast you were expecting eh buddy?

Even though its taking every last ounce of self control to not rip him a new asshole when he acts like everything is fine and dandy I will continue to put a smile on my face

Two can play that game :)

Jrazz posted 6/11/2013 23:15 PM

Ahh, death by kindness - the best weapon of the classy.

You're doing great, dbf. I admire how you're approaching this.

Douchebagfree posted 6/11/2013 23:32 PM

Love that sarcasm quote jrazz.
Explains why I've been so sarcastic towards him over the last 8 years lol.

anewday78 posted 6/12/2013 05:10 AM

Good for you! Keep up the good work and don't worry about what he's telling others. Anybody that knows you knows the truth. Anybody who doesn't can easily connect the dots: wife + other woman & child = cheating scum bag loser!

SBB posted 6/12/2013 06:12 AM

Love.It.