Here we are about 2 months out. The closing date on our house is in three days. He's acting remorseful, sort of. He's not hiding his phone anymore and changed all his passwords to one that I know. Mind you, when he changed the passwords it became the word "grovelling" and then he made a sarcastic snipe at me saying "I hope you enjoy having me under the microscope!" He refused to do the one thing I asked though which was to call the OW in front of me and tell her that they could no longer speak to each other. His words "I don't see any reason to further humiliate her". I can't get over this part. Why do I have to care about HER feelings? I have to admit that I don't believe that it's over between them. Nothing is stopping him from creating a new email account and making sure he deletes all his texts. I asked him if he would believe himself and he agreed, probably not. I don't know what hurts more really. The betrayal itself or the way he treated me afterwards when I found out. He completely lashed out at me saying the most awful, hurtful things. His whole attitude was that I was a big meanie and he was this petulant child who was being forced to do things he didn't want to do. Like it was MY fault that I don't trust him! It's my fault that I can't just take his word for it AGAIN that he won't talk to her and the relationship is over.
It's really strange because, when I'm not thinking about it, our relationship is great. We have a really great time together and look like this model married couple who has it all figured out. The problem is, I kow it's a lie.
I usually am the one to make big grand plans for our anniversary. Not this year. This year I barely acknowledged it while he sent a bouquet of flowers to my workplace. I felt like an ungrateful bitch because I hated everyone coming by and admiring them and saying what a sweet husband I have. I feel like when he does things like that, maybe he's trying to make it better. But then I remember that he wouldn't do the one thing that I needed. I threw the flowers out. On one hand I want to make this better but on the other, I don't think it can get better. I guess I just have to come to terms with the fact that he isn't the person I thought he was and let go.
I'm sorry for the ramble. I just needed to get that out. I know I don't post much but I do read and anything useful I have to add has already been said.