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No win situation

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renee21 posted 6/11/2013 15:03 PM

Coming off of 3+ weeks of pure hell. We've been fighting over what I call a wanna be OW.

He coaches her kid and he runs the park. Boundaries were broken And lied about. She kept persisting and he wasn't firm about so I sent her a stand down message which led to a nasty exchange. His stance is both of us are wrong and he's not making her leave the park.

I even tried making peace and sitting down with her but she continued to be disrespectful. He doesn't believe she has I'll intent as a woman, I know better.

Let me take pause to say I blame him 100% its his job to protect our marriage at ALL costs and he failed

My poor daughter knows of the situation and its not a first for her. She got angry and sent this woman an angry FB message. I had no clue nor would I have allowed it. She came back at my daughter with sweet little message about how she and her children were not going anywhere. So rather than letting the parents know there was an issue it was better to go back and forth with a 15 year old girl that was trying to protect her family.
I am so angry I want to drag her across the pavement.

I have a huge stake out there as well. I have a team of cheerleaders and their families that came back because I am the coach and they are counting on me.

I sent my WH my official resignation letter from all of my hats that I wear out there. He is guilting me into staying and basically wants me to eat a huge shit sandwich and tolerate this woman putting her little pig face into everything out there.

So if I quit, my daughter and several cheerleaders will walk away and the cheer director has said she will step down as well. The cheer program will fall apart. If I stay, she will be there knowing that my husband wouldn't back me up and she won.

By the way, she's only been out there a couple months and no one else cares if she goes. I on the other hand have poured my blood, sweat and tears into that program for the last 4 years.

Another loss I take at his hand. I really hate my life today. This is one of my concessions that I have to make so everyone else gets to be happy.

Rebreather posted 6/11/2013 15:28 PM

renee, may I ask?

He is a SA and serial cheater. How can he be trusted to know women with ill intent and not? I really don't think she is the issue, right? He is the issue. His lack of respect for what you need of him. He lied to you about breaking boundaries with another woman while you are in recovery with him?

He needs to send her a no contact letter. If he won't, then what is he worth to you?

jo2love posted 6/11/2013 17:07 PM

renee21 -

Would you like us to move this to General so you can vent?

Jospehine85 posted 6/11/2013 17:15 PM


I agree with Rebreather.

I think you can't see the forest because of all the trees.

The issue is not the park and who stays and who goes or whether OW talked to you about your daughter or if the cheer team will suffer.

The issue is you are married to a cheater and a liar and he's got a new OW chasing him and he's not behaving in a way that shows he is protecting the marriage. He is behaving like a wayward.

So you have a known cheat behaving like a wayward. Why are you still there? Why are you waiting for another Dday? What will you do when it happens?

Skan posted 6/11/2013 18:09 PM

Well, essentially you've told him it's either her or me, and he's chosen her. What are his consequences for doing that? So what if the programs fall apart? I mean, really, not with nastiness, but so what? Everyone will find something else to do with their time. I'd consider just letting the group know that due to your being disrespected by both your husband this this woman, that you simply cannot continue on with the program. Let the cow chips fall where they will.

NoraLee posted 6/11/2013 18:17 PM

I have to agree with everyone...I remember your post when this first came to a head. For whatever reason you're not feeling safe in your marriage - whether he thinks your concerns are justified or is his responsibility to respond to this woman in a way that gives you security. And he's being passive. There needs to be a consequence. Can you take the cheer team elsewhere? What are his reasons for eliminating any interaction with this woman?

renee21 posted 6/11/2013 18:51 PM

I am very carefully considering S/D. Financial matters are being squared away right now. I have a little financial support from my mom should I decide to D. I've requested help at the church and they are stepping in to see if anything can be done to help us R.

I don't know why its such a sticking point for him as park president to not tell a parent to leave especially when it has become detrimental to the park now. Its all on him, he screwed up and only he could fix it.

I guess its hard to explain my ties there our board is like family to me and my kids. I love my girls, they have become very important to me.

Its very likely I will step down regardless because it will be too overwhelming for me. I feel like agreeing to things as they are is like making a deal with the devil kwim.

I'm going to IC and working on me now. I cannot control him. Never could.

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