But my FWH went on about how he still has issues with boundaries, and how he basically hasn't been pulling his weight in R. And he hasn't - I read "Not Just Friends" almost 3 months ago, cover to cover. He has been like 71 pages in for 3 months, and hasn't touched it. He isn't a big reader and never has been, but I've noticed how he pretty much gave up on the book.
We haven't been talking as much. He has slipped back into poor boundaries. He never plans date nights for us (the one thing I asked of him)unless it's a birthday or anniversary.
He revealed some issues he has been having at work but didn't tell me because he didn't want to stress me out... but that's not an excuse to flake on our R. The 2nd Antiversary is July 6, less than a month away, and I'm feeling very discouraged and wondering why I am still here and what I am doing.
I don't think he is messing around, but I just feel very let down by him, right now . I'm not sure where to go from here...
On the fence... do I stay or do
For a while she seems like she gets it. I seem a little more comfortable. She thinks she is getting it. She get comfortable. Them come old behaviors again, the bad boundaries and lies.
We just hit another huge bump in the road this past weekend. Same shit again. But one of the best conversations we have ever had came out of it. She didn't get it and she admitted it and she asked for help.
The comment that bothers me most is:
We haven't been talking as much.
Keep communicating. He might really want to get it but doesnt know how.
First, don't break the boundaries! Then you don't have to tell me. If you do, tell me right away...before I find out.
Sometimes, I feel that WS's don't know how deep the bad behavior is...to them it's 'their' normal and when we let our guard down, then revert to their normal state. I hate being the moral police. We both should police ourselves.
He has slipped back into poor boundaries
What is he doing to address these issues?
What have you done to heal yourself through this? Are you in IC? Have you taken any steps to make yourself stronger ? To detach from him and rely on you?
That is what you need to do, IMO.
Drop the heavy boxes and let him know he needs to pick them up and start doing some heavy lifting.
Get your thoughts together and find out what you want for R. If you can't talk about it put it in a list and give it to him.
Set your dealbreakers and stand firm.You have to be ready to let him walk in order to save your marriage.
You should be driving this bus, not him.
Take back your control, be a strong woman that is able to depend on herself and knows that her value is not defined by a marriage or her husband.
A few of us have bitch boots, borrow some, and try them out. You are fighting for your family, demand he stand up and fight beside you.
We had a big blow out over the weekend, and since then, it's like nothing ever happened. That's how it always is... we argue, and then it's back to the same old same old.
I guess I'm just tired of being the one "driving the bus", so to speak. Sometimes I feel like I have to drag him through this mess, and it just should not be that way. We've had 2 slip-ups of boundaries issues in the last 6 months. I don't know if he is taking this seriously anymore.
We have 3 kids, 2 that are old enough to be aware when we are fighting/sense something is wrong. I'm so scared of screwing them up! Its hard to balance between keeping them in the dark about everything that has happened, and dealing with him. I'm so tired.
I feel like we have plateaued and are at a stand-still right now. He doesn't get that doing chores around the house for me, doesn't fix this. That seems to be his go-to remedy for "oops, I fucked up again".
The other day, when I found that text message, I bawled my eyes out, and for the first time ever, I punched FWH. Right in the head! It didn't hurt him because I'm a wimp and I'm a lot smaller than him, but I was appalled at myself. I've never ever hit someone like that!
And then I just felt this overwhelming sense of DONE. I was calm, and I really just wanted him gone. I was going to leave with the kids and go somewhere just to get away, but then my son started bawling because he wanted Daddy to come too, and then FWH started bawling right along with him.
I just feel so stuck. And I'm tired of being the one always picking up the pieces and dusting everyone else off and getting us back on track. I'm not the one who cheated, I'm not the one who lied! I have always been faithful to my husband... I always think of him first, even before the kids. And I can't seem to get the same in return and it infuriates me. I'm tired of giving my all and not getting much back in return
I'm so lost, ugh.
Yeah, almost 2 years of driving the bus is getting super old.
I'm not quite sure what my definition of my feeling of DONE is, quite yet.
He's treating you like a second rate option. Tell him he's welcome to some "amazing ass" because you no longer (a) want him or (b) consider your "marriage" anything other than an open relationship.
I found text messages where FWH was talking about one of his employees and her "amazing ass" to one of his colleagues/friends who is single.
Maybe you can let your WH know that the gentleman you saw today (could be anywhere mall, gas station)had a REALLY amazing ass and now you can relate so much more to his comment now
My WH used to use the same type of language to describe the parts he liked on the opposite sex. I don't allow any room for any amount of stupidity anymore. My WH knows I am DONE f*cking around. Maybe yours needs a wake-up call too.
Sorry (((HurtButHoping12))) I know how you feel. Take your power back and 180 for you!!!
I get wanting to be a SAHM, but sometimes life circumstances change. A degree or career training could be your insurance right now. It's better to have options, in fact, it's empowering.
We are in R.
It's not about wanting to be a SAHM, its that this made more financial sense for us.
I do have a trade that I've been taught that I can fall back on, if anything. Idk, I'm mulling over my options.