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Newest Member: Comikazi (61805)

User Topic: What is Your Motivation?
♂ 30493
Member # 30493
Default  Posted: 9:42 PM, June 11th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It has been two and a half years since my separation and subsequent divorce. At the time of the second D-Day, I weighed a little over 200 pounds (I am 5’8”). I lost over 30 pounds almost immediately which was a boost to my self esteem when I needed it the most. Over the time, I did not gain any of it back, but I was still pudgy and soft in the torso area. Lately, however, I have been eating a lot and have started to gain some weight. I do not like the way that I am looking. I have wanted to join the gym for two years but am very reluctant. I have not lifted a weight since high school and have absolutely no muscle mass. I am what is considered “skinny fat.”

For those that started to work out in your new beginning, where did you find the motivation and the guts to walk in to the gym for the first time? Honestly, it scares the hell out of me. I am scared of failing at it and am also scared of embarrassing myself. The gym seems very overwhelming.

On another note, I also really want to start IC but am scared to do that, too. I do not even know how to find someone to take that first step. Plus, I think that I need someone with some kind of medical degree because I really believe that I am OCPD (Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder).

Thank you everyone in advance for your feedback. I honestly believe that this site (and all of you) really saved my life when I needed it the most.

Edited for spelling.

[This message edited by LostandGuilty at 10:37 PM, June 11th (Tuesday)]

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on" - Robert Frost

BH (36)
DS (16)
DD (14)

Posts: 226 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: FL
♂ 26023
Member # 26023
Default  Posted: 9:54 PM, June 11th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As far as working out, what I've discovered really works is to congratulate myself on whatever I do, rather than get down on myself for not doing enough. For example, if I lift weights for just a few minutes, much better than nothing. With that attitude, I'm much more likely to exercise again the next day. If I'm feeling out if shape, I just go for a shuffle instead of a jog. No point bringing on physical agony during exercise. And again, I feel good about just getting out there.

If I miss a day if exercise, I don't put myself on a guilt trip. That never works, and just paints exercise as a chore. When in fact, if you don't push yourself too hard or judge your level of fitness, it's actually quite pleasurable.

BH, now divorced

Posts: 3529 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: New England
Sad in AZ
♀ 24239
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 10:24 PM, June 11th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Seriously--go to a Bodypump class. Everyone looks ridiculous and you get a feel for the exercises. Once you get past that part, going to the weight room is easier.

Also, either buy a copy of Men's Health magazine or look it up on line. Lots of good info.

Good luck!

PS: As for motivation--do it for your health rather than your looks. It won't seem as weird.

[This message edited by Sad in AZ at 10:26 PM, June 11th (Tuesday)]

You are important and you matter. Your feelings matter. Your voice matters. Your story matters. Your life matters. Always.

Me: FBS (no longer betrayed nor a spouse)-62
Him: WXH-62
D-day: 2007 (two years before finding SI)
S: 6/2010; D: 3/2011

Posts: 25302 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Arizona
♀ 10552
Member # 10552
Default  Posted: 10:40 PM, June 11th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I started going to the gym February of 2012. I've never been an athletic type and nobody was more surprised than me when I took to it! My friend/daycare lady talked me into trying her Zumba class and I was immediately hooked. I guess I was ready for it.

I was almost 200 lbs when I started and am down about 40 lbs. I do Zumba and lift regularly, and do yoga and kickboxing as I'm able. As far as motivation, I think the saying is true - find something you like and do it every day. To me, enjoyment is a huge motivation. Why are you going to spend time and money on something you don't like?

I think walking into the gym the first time wasn't too bad because I went with a friend I'd known and loved for years. Maybe going with someone would help?

Try all different kinds of things. See what you enjoy.

ETA: Sad is right. Nobody cares what anyone else looks like or what they're doing. Don't let that scare you off.

[This message edited by wildbananas at 10:42 PM, June 11th (Tuesday)]

Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

Posts: 16075 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Now an AZ girl
♀ 31094
Member # 31094
Default  Posted: 9:01 AM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Motivation = health.

Everyone at the gym is there for their own reasons.

I used to be intimidated by the gym too. I was/am morbidly obese (but I'm down 45 lbs!), and I thought everyone was staring at me.

They weren't.

If you don't know how to use the machines/know exercises for free weights---ask someone that works there to show you the ropes. That's why they're there!

They'd prefer you ask before you get hurt.

Re: IC---have you thought about seeing a psychiatrist instead of a counselor/therapist? A psychiatrist is a medical doctor who can prescribe medication if needed.

[This message edited by itainteasy at 9:02 AM, June 12th (Wednesday)]

Posts: 3446 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: NWPA
♂ 32258
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 10:26 AM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I became a gym rat again after the A. I lost 60 pounds so far and while initially it was for stress relief now it's a health thing and I actually enjoy it. My suggestion would be to set several small goals initially and keep updating them over time. Your first goal could be just going to the gym to sign up and from there going to the gym twice a week or walking on a treadmill for 15 minutes and build on it each week. The idea is to give yourself attainable goals and keep going after them each week.

Set many achievable goals and build on them over time.

D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Divorced 9/2/14 and loving life!

Posts: 2213 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
♀ 17460
Member # 17460
Default  Posted: 10:42 AM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

To answer your thread title, my motivation was developing a healthy lifestyle.

I was wearing my betrayal around my middle and it was time to do something!

First thing you should do is join the “A Healthier You” group thread in the I Can Relate Forum. There’s lots of support and great advice there!

That said, IMO, WHERE you go is important.

I opted for the Y because it's family oriented, they have a ton of classes and coaches you can reach out to for help. Plus, for me anyway, ours has a dress code so those ultra fit folks have to dress modestly. So basically, I fit right in and I could give a rat’s patooty what others think.

Seriously, I started a "Coach Me" program (along with Weight Watchers) back in September of last year, and by finishing the program and branching onto other classes, etc., I'm down almost 50 pounds.

The Coach Me program at my Y is coach led but self directed. My trainer walked me through a series of exercises, equipment, etc., that would help me get back into being physically fit. It was a seven week program where I had to commit to doing it three times a week, so once I was shown the how to’s, the rest was up to me. Now I’m doing high level interval training 2 X’s a week and even started a Spin class last week (I am headed their tonight as well) for my three-a-week routine. With nice weather, I am also planning a lot of outdoor bicycling as well.

What has made a significant difference for me is I schedule my workouts and will not make plans for the evenings that I have my classes. It has helped keep me motivated and over time the results speak for themselves – and trust me on this result s are a HUGE motivator! It’s also easier for me to be accountable when it’s in the old day planner.

You can do this! From my old cheerleading days, here’s a little more inspiration: “All you’ve got to do is put your mind to it!”


Fidelity isn't a's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09

Posts: 21377 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
Helen of Troy
♀ 26419
Member # 26419
Default  Posted: 11:18 AM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My motivation is: increase energy level to get things done as a full time employee, part time student in a HARD major, and single mom who has to regularly go into battle with npdxwh
2. to ward off depression, keep an even and upbeat mood, to keep focused in work and academics
3. to be the best I can be which are related to all of the above.

I run treadmill then lift weights/mostly free weights, do some exercises like planks with body weight only. Once a week I hit Sunday yoga class.
Try ALL of the classes offered then stick with the one you like best. I found that kickboxing and Zumba are not my thing. Do like power-lifting class, body sculpting, Spinning, etc. and usually hit those if schedule allows. Also I jog from home if in a time crunch.

If money isn't a concern for you hire a personal trainer.
Personally I don't care how I look exercising; sweating a lot to where it's dripping off me, being a slow runner (who cares?). It was hard for me to get into this, had gym teacher issues from way back in jr high school. I could very much relate to John Bingham "Penguin" story, as well as Jillian Michael's (she's really not mean, IMO). I've never had the body of a giselle but do have six pack now and toned arms that look awesome!
Get some cute workout clothes, ones you love wearing and feel confident in. Get fitted for running shoes locally then buy them off Zappos for less.
Always remember no matter how out of shape you think you look, you are not sitting at home on the couch eating chips watching tv! There's no shame in bettering yourself. In time you get comfortable with all the equipment.

Posts: 4809 | Registered: Dec 2009
♀ 27035
Member # 27035
Default  Posted: 7:46 PM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

PS: As for motivation--do it for your health rather than your looks. It won't seem as weird.

^^This is my motivation - for my health. I think there are probably very few people (other than NPDs) that are happy with their body. We all find fault with ourselves. Try to remember that even that hot girl on the treadmill or the hardbody guy lifting weights is probably looking in the mirror and thinking they really need to work on their arms/legs/gut/butt/whatever. Then ignore them and concentrate on what you are doing for yourself. Most gyms have coaches to help you get acclimated - ask around for recommendations.

For the IC, I would ask your regular medical doctor for recommendations, assuming you have one that you trust. Failing that, can you ask friends and family?

Good luck on both ventures, and good on you for moving forward on your NB.

"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good."

Posts: 5379 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Midwest
Topic Posts: 9

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