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married2stranger posted 6/11/2013 23:34 PM

I've read "how can I forgive you" and I'm really working towards accepting that the A happened this book specifically outlines steps to take in order to reach acceptance.

But I'm not there yet... even though I'm working on it I'm not at place where I can accept that the person I married betrayed me! If you have accepted the affair and forgiven or not forgiven, but you reached the point that you accepted it ... how long did that take?

I feel like I should be there already but I'm not, not even close!

ie. D-Day was 10/22/11
NC began: 11/4/11 (also D-Day#2 and OW#2)
TT until: 04/06/2012

status: ????

limbo?? and avoiding each other!

Pudding posted 6/12/2013 02:20 AM

Not sure that I can help much but here goes. I am not sure that it depends on time so much as what the WS is doing to show remorse and help you heal.

You are about where I am on the timeline. Your TT stopped around my DD2, when a lot more came out. TT continued until November though, when I feel that true R began. 6/7 months on things are much better, although I am going through an angry stage this week.

What has made me feel better is my FWH being supportive and making an effort to understand me. It has taken me screaming and shouting to get him there. Have forced him to read so he sees that the feelings I have are normal and to find strategies to cope with me in my raging. He is truly remorseful for what he did and is making every effort to make me feel better.

I have forgiven him for the ONS. I have forgiven him for not telling me for so long. I think I understand his whys for not he these. Understanding the Whys is key to forgiving. Get your WS to talk about their whys . They also have to be remorseful . And there must be NC with AP.

There are some things I still haven't forgiven him for and we are working on these ( continuing to see her socially behind my back after it was all over). I also want him to hate her, but he can't seem to do that.

It might help to break the forgiveness process down into little steps, so that you can see if you can forgive your WS in stages. Work out what things are really upsetting you and work through them bit by bit.

It doesn't help that you are avoiding each other. You need to be working on this together. They need to show remorse, tell all, go NC and work on their whys

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