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Newest Member: Hurtagain57 (61546)

User Topic: The story I (BS) tell versus the story WS tells
♀ 39415
Member # 39415
Default  Posted: 3:10 AM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi! Both WS and I have told a few people (me 2 family members and 3 friends) and WS has told 3 friends, his boss and his sister.

In my case they want to know the story and I tell them - I think it is important for them to understand how deep the betrayal did and didn't go as they help/support me in figuring out what to do.

WH seems to just be telling the people he tells "I had an affair" and that we are "working on it" and that is all.

I find that odd. Is it? How about healthy?

Posts: 201 | Registered: Jun 2013
♀ 24786
Member # 24786
Default  Posted: 3:44 AM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's normal for some. By saying "only the basics " they can minimise the devastation their A caused.

" I had an A a we're working on it!" Sounds better than "I started seeing [name] and we then got physical and started the lies and the deceit and I began demonising my wife and acting like a compete dickwad. I thank God she's giving me another chance as I messed up totally!"

BS(Me) FWH(Him) DDay 05.09
A went underground. True R 02.10
I won't let another woman reap the benefit of enjoying the man my H has now becomeć

Posts: 1622 | Registered: Jul 2009
♀ 39415
Member # 39415
Default  Posted: 3:57 AM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I guess the things is that for some reason I want people that know to know:
a) it lasted 3 months
b) he decided we should all be friends for 5 days basically bringing the affair under my nose on our anniversary weekend

Posts: 201 | Registered: Jun 2013
♀ 34319
Member # 34319
Default  Posted: 4:20 AM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This makes complete sense. We have told next to no one. MCs, ICs, lifelong friends who were here on d day. I told two friends who live far away. On some level my WH still can't own it. He talks about almost being persecuted by the MC. This MC basically held him accountable- you did this, you need to commit to the marriage and help OAI heal. He minimizes and I think is still getting through the story in his IC. I am not sure he can reconcile what he did with who he believes he is.

You tell who you need to tell. You tell them what you need to share. You can't control him: his choices, the story/ies he tells, how he explodes his world and yours. You get to choose and control how you react to his actions and what actions you take to protect yourself and your future.

Take care of yourself. I am really glad that you have IRL support.

[This message edited by OnAnIsland at 6:05 AM, June 12th (Wednesday)]

D-day: Christmas 2011
D-day 2: 3/28/2013

Married for over 15 years
2 beautiful sons

You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. Maya Angelou

Posts: 1486 | Registered: Dec 2011
♀ 32554
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 10:34 AM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

STBX tried telling ME that we just grew apart. I shut that down right away. Then he started telling other people the same. I corrected with MY version of the truth. So then he started telling people that I was frigid and he had no choice but to go outside the marriage. That didn't fly, either.

In all of his versions he is my victim. I've crushed & destroyed him on a whim. He just doesn't understand whats going on. In all his versions it's okay for him to have cheated, he deserved to cheat because of how horribly I've mistreated him.

Me = BS
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!

Posts: 10722 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Topic Posts: 5

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