I don't get it!!! And I'm not talking about the A, that's a question for another time if ever, but what I'm talking about is looking at other women's cleavage profile shots on social media, like my fitness pal, or Facebook? Especially when he knows I look! I feel so broken, so lost! Things have been off (more then normal) between us since he visited his parents over the weekend. And I felt good with him gone, I posted about it, and still today I feel the odd calm detachment, but I feel it from him too. I should be embracing this, pushing forward, but I'm stuck!
I want to move on but I don't want to let go. There are things I want in life that I may never get if I leave. I have a family friend telling me to stay, try everything possible to fix us, for our kids. And I get that, that's the only thing keeping my heart here. But hearing this from a friend made me think. Think a lot! Could I live like this? Could I be happy? Then I started thinking what if he never gave me the emotional things I needed, would I find them somewhere else but still be "with" him? And this was all before my phone snooping done tonight that revealed the images he was looking at.
I'm just hurt! Stuck! Angry with myself! And mostly confused!!! If only he would do the things that I would need to make me feel secure and loved, then things would be so much more simple!!!
ETA: realized I tj'd my original question with this post. That just goes to show how my head is spinning in all directions!!!
[This message edited by scangel3 at 4:25 AM, June 12th (Wednesday)]