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User Topic: Should I send letter to OW
♀ 37168
Member # 37168
Default  Posted: 11:16 AM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have written a long letter to OW venting, telling her what I think of her, wishing every evil upon her I can think of, asking her why she stole my husband. Telling her to remember what a worthless slut she is. I did it more to get things off my chest to help myself, but now I want to send it. Should I?

I wake up feeling awful every day. I don't want to. I want her to wake up feeling bad, feeling shit, scared stiff that I might expose her etc. I want her to feel what I feel. I want to get rid of all my negative feelings onto her. She did the deed. I want her life to be fucked up, not mine.

Will this work? Would this be considered harassment? Would I care?

Posts: 281 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: UK
♀ 39415
Member # 39415
Default  Posted: 11:17 AM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Pudding I want to do the same thing and then some but everyone EVERYONE says DON'T. Apparently it will make you feel worse. I am really trying to figure out how but...

Posts: 201 | Registered: Jun 2013
♀ 28611
Member # 28611
Default  Posted: 11:20 AM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I did and it did make me feel better. And, I know it worked at making her feel bad. So.. I know everyone says not to but...

BS (me) 39
WH 50
D-day 3/11/10 (3 month EA,1 week PA)
Whore was my best friend

Posts: 700 | Registered: May 2010
♀ 29541
Member # 29541
Default  Posted: 11:20 AM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No, you shouldn't send it. She won't 'hear' anything you have to say. You can say it all you want, just not to her.

Living well and ignoring the OW is the best revenge you can have on her.

Posts: 1378 | Registered: Sep 2010
♀ 28611
Member # 28611
Default  Posted: 11:21 AM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That said, everyone else is probably right and maybe my "contact" hurt me more than I know.

BS (me) 39
WH 50
D-day 3/11/10 (3 month EA,1 week PA)
Whore was my best friend

Posts: 700 | Registered: May 2010
♀ 30024
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 11:22 AM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Why don't you post it here, Pudding, on this thread? I have done that and it is helpful.

BW (me) & FWH both over half a century; married several decades; children
d-day 3/10; LTA (7 years?)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak." ~ Homer Simpson

Posts: 13103 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
♀ 31094
Member # 31094
Default  Posted: 11:25 AM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sending that letter will invite her into your life. She might call you/email you/show up at your door to harrass you.

It won't have the affect on her that you want it to.

She won't read your words and think "my God, I'm a horrible person!" She will think you are crazy, and she will defend herself. She will STILL believe she didn't do anything wrong.

Sending her the letter gives her importance, significance in your life.

To be dismissed out of hand is much worse. To know that the person you hurt in the most horrible way can't even bothered with you is huge.

The truth is you can never inflict the kind of pain on her that she inflicted on you.

It's very hard to come to grips with that.

I would not send the letter. But if you feel like you must, then go for it, because at the end of the day YOU have to do what YOU need to do heal. If letting her know exactly what you think of her is a way to do that...then do it.

You can always post it have a massive cheerleading section here that will love to agree with your assessment of that slut.

Posts: 3446 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: NWPA
♂ 38509
Member # 38509
Default  Posted: 11:38 AM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Pudding, write it out, but don't send it. OW will probably read it and grin that she is getting your goat.

By stealing your husband, I'm assuming you aren't with him anymore? Consider that her karma. She is getting a cheater. Once he is bored with her too, he'll be effing her over as well.

Sucks to be her. So don't send the letter.
The best revenge is living well, enjoying your life, and having the people that screwed you over realize you don't care about their pathetic character and lives. They'll get whats coming to them sooner or later.

If you aren't with your H any longer, then I welcome you to the ranks of those that can now go out and enjoy the company of others. Get out there, date, have fun with friends. You are free(I'm assuming)

EDIT, just read your profile. If you are still married to him, since the A commenced in November, I'd advise consulting an attorney and getting the paperwork started without him knowing.

[This message edited by nofool4u at 11:40 AM, June 12th (Wednesday)]

Me - fBS

Posts: 210 | Registered: Feb 2013
♀ 28156
Member # 28156
Default  Posted: 11:53 AM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I so wanted contact. But she was a coworker, and even tho she was fired, she remains friends with other coworkers. So..I had imagined she would tape the conversation or take the letter and they would all read it and laugh. I would never give her something physical to hold in her hand and show and show and show. I used to wish her physical evil. Now, I just try to understand. ANd not think. But I hate her soul. I truly believe she is ugly down to the bone. ANd will never know it. This all happened when she was 29. Now she is 36 and not the Young thing married cheaters look for. She never married. Struggles to keep a job. Thats my karma. It came with time. SHes broke and lonely. Which is why she cheats. And family is 6 hrs away.

a trigger yesterday

Posts: 2899 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: athome
♀ 38861
Member # 38861
Default  Posted: 11:53 AM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I sent OW a message on FB afterI found out. I just told her what I thought of her and said that I hope she rots in hell. Then I sent a message to her new BF letting him know what kind of person he was now involved with. She never responded to my message, she just blocked me. I felt better just letting her know that I knew what went on. I would just expose her and let everyone know what she really is.

Me: 39 BGF
Him: 45 WBF
DD#1 02/06/13 Found 6 months of texts between him and my friend
DD#2 03/14/13 Found texting between him and a 24 year old he met at his gig
DD#3 03/17/13 confessed to BJ from bar SLUT
DD#4 03/18/13 Had sex 2X with bar SLUT

Posts: 27 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: mysticmoons
♀ 37168
Member # 37168
Default  Posted: 12:13 PM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for your advice. On balance probably not wise to send anything. I will try to post it here, but its very long and I don't want to bore you all and more important can't work out how to upload the document. Can't really ask FWH for help - ha.

We are still together and R is going well. I have done venting with him, he is remorseful. NC is in place, but I still hate her

I have changed the names to FWH and OW. Now to find how to upload an attachment.

Posts: 281 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: UK
♀ 14576
Member # 14576
Default  Posted: 12:19 PM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


You're doing the right thing by posting it here...vent away!

Me - 52; FWH - 54
Married 34 years 9/2/17
2 grown daughters-33 & 30
8yo GS,4yo GD & 3yo. GD (DD33) and 5 yo GD & 1 yo GD(DD30). D-day #1 - 1/06; D-day #2 - 3/07
Reconciled! Construction Complete.

Posts: 6163 | Registered: May 2007
♀ 39058
Member # 39058
Default  Posted: 12:26 PM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Pudding - can you just copy and paste the text? assuming it's a Word document or similar??

I think you're wise. I've so wanted to make contact with the OW for the same reasons as you and many others here but I've been convinced that her hearing absolutely nothing is more of a living hell for her as she has no idea what the situation is.

Me: BW 45
Him: WH 48
Married: 6 years, together 9 years
D-day: 3 January 2013 - he confessed.
A: June-Dec 2012
No children.

Posts: 153 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: UK
♀ 37168
Member # 37168
Default  Posted: 12:29 PM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Here goes, Long sorry. Apologies for the language. This is not me in normal mode. Its just how I become, when I think of her. I want her out of my head!!

Letter to OW

You are the one person that I hate more than anyone else in the world. I wish that you and your bastard OC were dead and that preferably you both die in the most awful way possible. OC should never have been created and should have been aborted as soon as you knew you were pregnant. You should never have shagged FWH, you should have taken precautions when you shagged him or failing that the day after. If you wanted to involve FWH in your pregnancy, you should have aborted your bastard, as FWH wished you to do. As you took the decision to proceed with the pregnancy with your cuckolded husband, you should have left FWH out of it. If you wanted another bastard, there was no need to involve FWH when he made it quite clear that he wanted nothing to do with you or your bastard. You took the decision without reference to FWH. You have no right to continue to involve him in something he has no control over.

It was unforgivable to shag FWH. But you have compounded this shameful act since then, by continuing with your pregnancy against his will and then forcing him to be involved with the disgusting product of your shameless liaison. What was a stupid mistake six years ago, you have perpetuated by involving FWH in your bastard's life. You have made sure that none of us can move on with our lives because you have insisted on forcing FWH to have a relationship with the bastard. Your thick husband has to bring up the product of your fucking session every day of his life. He is constantly reminded of what a worthless shameless whore you are, whenever he looks as the child he is raising as his own. It has driven a wedge between me and FWH which will never heal. I am constantly reminded that my loving husband made a stupid mistake one night by shagging a common worthless thick, manipulative tart, but that since then she has continued to pursue him and insist on his involvement with the disgusting results of that stupid mistake. You have compounded one stupid act by involving FWH in your life and that of you bastard.

If you wanted more children, why did you emasculate your husband by making him have a vasectomy? Why go out searching for other men to shag to make you pregnant? Why target my FWH? What on earth do you think he could possibly find attractive in you? You are ugly and fat. You are as thick as shit. You don't even understand that your husband having a vasectomy, doesn't mean that you won't get pregnant if you whore about. You are incapable of doing your job, as FWH has to help to with the difficult AGMs and client presentations you can't do on your own. You are as common as dirt. I have heard you speak and I am surprised that they let you out of the office to meet respectable clients with your low bred common accent. You can't even call FWH by his proper name or pronounce consonants. You even name your child after a base rebel and king killer. Was that common name chosen deliberately to annoy FWH or do you not have the faintest idea what I am talking about? Perhaps you named him after the Dickens gutter urchin, which would be highly appropriate. You have obviously come from the gutter and that is where you should remain. You have nothing in common with FWH. He is well educated, sophisticated and intelligent. You can barely string two words together. How you could ever imagine that FWH would have any interest in you is beyond me. No wonder he had to be drunk to shag you. Why would anyone find anything in you attractive?

What made you shag my FWH? I can understand why you would not be satisfied with OWH? He obviously doesn't care less about what you do. He is as thick as you are. Knowing the circumstances of your infidelity with FWH, why on earth does he drive you both out to go drinking together. He obviously couldn't care less. At least FWH loves me. OWH does not care less that his wife sleeps around and even pimps you about finding further liaisons for you when you are drunk. Why is that? Does he sleep around too? Does he have bastards all over Hometown? Is he gay? Is he really your husband? Is he some sort of pimp? What sort of husband drives his wife and her ex lover out to get pissed together? What sort of relationship do you have? Does he care about you or does he despise you so much that he lets you get away with shagging the whole of Hometown? Does he find you so repulsive that he is glad to offload you on any drunk that happens to be passing? Is that why you came looking for my husband?

Why choose my FWH? Why steal him from me? If you wanted to fuck someone other than OWH or wanted another baby, why choose my FWH? Why not anyone else who was free and available? Why steal him from me, when I was at my most vulnerable? My ex husband was dying and I was struggling to look after my sons and keep myself together. FWH was my rock, my support and the best thing that had ever happened to me. He was looking after me in a way that no one has ever looked after me before. And yet, you had to come along and ruin that. Why pick on FWH? Why did you have to take my man? Why not anyone else? You obviously didn't care for him as you dumped him straight afterwards and ran back to OWH. Why steal him from me? If you wanted him, why didn't you take FWH and leave OWH when you found out you were pregnant? If you wanted FWH's bastard so much, why didn't you leave OWH and marry him? Or was he just an available provider of the sperm your husband could no longer provide and you used him?

What made you hate OWH so much so as to betray him with FWH and then change your mind and stay with him raising FWH's bastard? Why did you choose FWH to fuck and then turn against him and ignore his wishes when you fell pregnant? Were you just out to get pregnant again, knowing that your emasculated husband was unable to provide you with another child? Did OWH collude with this? Why choose FWH or was he the one person that was drunk enough to shag you? After all, who would want to shag someone as fat and ugly, thick, common and sluttish as you?

I know that you were pursuing FWH for some months before you shagged him. I have his diary from 2007 and the two of you had numerous trysts in that period, lunches at your house, takeaways at his, as well as meetings away. You pursued him, because you were dissatisfied at home. You should have spent the time sorting our your relationship with OWH rather than chasing my man. You have continued to pursue him, even after you went back to OWH. You have forced him to maintain a relationship with the disgusting product of your sordid relationship, against his will. You have continued to pursue him going for work nights out, following him back to his car, forcing him to come round to your home and play happy families with your bastard.

You are an evil, manipulative woman. You have no regard for anyone else's feelings. You have come close to ruining the one perfect relationship I have ever had. What have I ever done to you to make you treat me and the man I love in such a despicable way? Or to treat OWH and your children the way you have done. You are an adulterous whore and a liar. Thinking of you makes me feel physically sick.

FWH shagged you once. It was a terrible mistake. That should be the end of it. Why do you persist in continuing it? Why did you continue a relationship with FWH, inviting him home to see his bastard? What possible use is FWH in OC's life? Why does OC need a second daddy, who couldn't care less about him and only sees him under duress? Is OWH as incapable at fatherhood as he is a husband that OC needs another dad? How does FWH benefit OC? He doesn't seem to play with him when he comes round for meetings. He wanted you to abort him? Why on earth do you imagine that he wants anything to do with him? What is the point? Are you just perpetuating a relationship with FWH, so you have a fall back, when you and OWH finally break up?

Do you get some sort of kick about manipulating your men? You force OWH to have a vasectomy and then cheat on him, throwing his emasculation it back in his face by getting yourself pregnant with a drunkard. You pursue FWH, lure him to your car, shag him taking no precautions, reject him, make decisions about the bastard you both created without referring to him, then force him to take a part in the bastard's life. You lie to your sons. What would they think if they knew what a liar, cheat, scumbag their mother was. You seem to have got away with lying and manipulating everyone your whole life. I hate you. You are an evil whore and I will only be happy when you are dead.

Why continue to go out and get drunk with FWH. You know very well where this led before. Why do it again and again? Why do you prefer to go out with FWH and the other skanks from the office rather than being at home with your husband and children? Don't you see enough of your work colleagues at work? Is life at home so bad that you have to get pissed with my husband? Are you hoping for another illicit shag with FWH or some other pissed idiot? Will you take precautions this time? Would you abort another bastard? Do you wish that you had aborted OC?

Why have you refused to take a DNA test to establish that FWH really is your bastard's father? How do you know that it is FWH's? Surely you know that in 20 years of marriage to his first wife, FWH failed to father a legitimate child. Why then are you so sure that 20 minutes in the back of your car, he was able to father OC. He was supposedly drunk at the time. did he really manage to get it up? Can you really remember? Is it because you were shagging other men at the time and don't want OWH to know that FWH wasn't the only one? Is FWH the easiest one to blame, because he is so nice and malleable? You can manipulate FWH. He will believe what you say, because he is so gullible. How can you be so sure OC is not OWH's and that the vasectomy hadn't gone wrong, or were you not fucking OWH then? Why should you load responsibility onto my FWH without evidence? Why are you afraid to have a DNA test? Why do you expect everyone to believe what you say? You are common tart that shags men in her husband's car. Your bastard could have been fathered by anybody but you choose to involve my FWH.

I hope that every time your look at your bastard son, you will remember his origin. He is only alive because you are a fat, ugly, common, thick, manipulative drunken slut that whores about in the back of cars. That is his heritage however much you try to pretend that you are respectable woman. His mother is common tart and always will be. Remember that every time you look at him. Remember that you deceived your husband and wrecked my life every time you see him, every time you look at him. Remind yourself that you are just worthless trash.

You should remember that you could have aborted him. You chose to continue with the pregnancy. You now have to live with it every day of your life. Your whole life is a complete fake. Do you ever wish you had aborted him or had a miscarriage?

You are worthless, a useless wife and mother. You prefer going out getting drunk and shagging people in your husband's car to being a wife and mother. Normal mothers like to stay at home with their husbands and children. You prefer getting drunk and fucking other people.

Every time you have sex with OWH, if you still have sex with him, remember that you betrayed him with FWH. You chose FWH over him. You lied to him. I hope this ruins every sexual experience you ever have in the future, if you can find anyone else willing to fuck you. Every time you have sex, remember you are a faithless whore who betrayed her husband in the back of his car and didn't even bother to make sure she didn't get pregnant. Remember that every time you are with OWH. Remember what you have put him through and then remember that he couldn't care less. Then ask yourself why. Does he do the same? How does that feel?

What would your elder children say if they know that little OC was a bastard? Would they wonder whether their pathetic father was really their father too or would they wonder if you had fucked someone else in their dad's car? What would they think about their parents who have lied to them and can never ever be trusted to tell the truth? What kind of example is that to set for your children? What would your children's school and football team say? Would they be happy to have a common slut like you looking after their children playing football?

What would OC say if he knew that his mummy was a robber stealing other people's partners and a big fibber telling lies about who his daddy was. What would he think about his daddy who is not his daddy? What will he think when he grows up and knows that his mother is common whore and has lied to him throughout his entire life? What will he think when he knows that FWH hates him and wanted him to be aborted and would have paid for the abortion. What would it be like for him to know that he was unwanted, hated, the biggest mistake in FWH's life, the cause of my greatest upset. I hope that it screws him up for life. I hope he goes through life not believing anything anyone tells him, thinking that everyone hates him, feeling unloved and a reject, knowing that he is the cause of everyone's hatred and that everything is his fault. This is the inheritance you have given to your bastard. By continuing with the pregnancy and involving FWH against his will, you have brought an unwanted child into the world. You are lying to your child and he will always be unwanted and hated. How does that make you feel scumbag?

You have to appreciate that fucking other people's partners has consequences. It was stupid thing to do, you were drunk. One can contemplate moving on from a one- off mistaken fuck, but you have made sure that you can never get away from this by continuing with the pregnancy and involving FWH. FWH had a one-off fuck with a drunken slut. you have made it affect our loves for ever. It is something that you will have to live with for the rest of your life, as will your bastard. You chose to go ahead with the pregnancy. You chose to involve FWH, but only on your terms. OC will go through his life as a misfit and reject. This is all your doing. Not only are you a faithless wife, you are a neglectful lying mother.

You are a bad example to set to your young children. You are responsible for screwing them up. You should remember this every day of your life. Your 20 minutes of fun, when you were drunk with my FWH has consequences. It has almost ruined my relationship with FWH. It has brought an unwanted bastard into the world. It has forced you to lie to all your family, especially the bastard. It will screw your children up for ever. I hope you regret it every day of your life. Every time you look at the bastard, remember what an evil, odious person you are. Not only did you betray your husband, you irresponsibly brought a bastard into the world. Not content with stealing my man, you then have sought to perpetuate your shamelessness by continuing a relationship with FEH and insisting that he maintains contact with the unwanted bastard. Why did you have to involve FWH? You and OWH chose to continue with the pregnancy. What has it got to do with FWH? We don't even have any evidence that your bastard is FWH's other than your word and we all know that you are a cheating liar.

I would like you to wake up every day as I do, feeling sick, shaky and panicky. My life has been destroyed by your stupid behaviour and your continuation of the relationship with my husband and every day I remember that you have wrecked my life. I want you to remember this every single day. I want you to feel guilty and ashamed about what a shit person you are. I want you to regret that you ever met FWH, let alone lured him to your car. I want you to regret that you didn't take the morning after pill, that you didn't have an abortion. I want you to look at the bastard every day and remember that you are a useless worthless person, you steal other people's men, you betray your husband, you lie to your children and to the rest of the world. You are thick, you are common, you are a slut and a whore. In fact, the world would be a far better place without you and your bastard. I want you to remember this every single day, because I do. I want you to wake up feeling worthless and go to sleep feeling worthless because you are.

I want you to live in fear of me, as I live in hatred for you. I want you to be scared every minute of the day, in case I send this letter to all your colleagues at work, to your son's school, to your children's football team, to the Hometown Herald. At the click of a switch, I can expose you in 2 seconds. I want you to remember that. I want you to be scared and frightened of what I can do. I want to remember every second that I can destroy you and your useless husband and your bastard and I have every incentive to do so. You are completely in my power. I can wreck you and seeing you and your bastard destroyed would give me the greatest pleasure. Remember that whenever you see FWH for work. Remember that you stole him for 20 minutes and you will pay for it for the rest of your life.

I want you to feel that life is not worth living as you have made me feel. You had a husband, albeit one who cares nothing for you. You did not need to steal my man. You did not need to involve him in your bastard's life. You are an evil, manipulative slut. You do not deserve to live. I wish that you and the bastard come to a horrible end. I want you to die of cancer, to drive off a cliff or do anything to get out of my life. You and FWH did one silly thing. I will make sure that you will regret it forever. I want every day of your life to be hell just like you have made mine. I want you to be revolted every time you see your bastard because you are revolting and disgusting. I want you to remember you are shit every time you have sex. I want your whole life to be hell.

You may read this thinking that I am raving mad. I may be, but if I am, it is all caused by you. You are evil. I hope that one day, you feel a fraction of the pain I feel every day.

You need to know that I win in the end. My life is so much better than yours and always will be. You belong in the gutter and will remain there. You wanted FWH, but I have him. He is mine and he will never speak to you again other than for essential work requirements. He is disgusted and revolted when he has to work with you, but loves every minute he spends with me. Whilst your husband couldn't care less about you, doesn't care who you sleep with or what you do. You are of no importance to him. My children are grown up and almost flown the nest. I have time to enjoy being with my husband. You still have to bring up younger children, and out of your choice are lumbered with bringing up the bastard as well. It will be a long time before you are free of children and able to spend quality time with OWH. FWH and I enjoy a good quality of life, fine dining, opera, exotic holidays, big house with a swimming pool. We enjoy intellectual pursuits together, which are beyond your brain capacity. You are common and thick and can never expect to earn very much in your dead end job. Life will always be a financial struggle for you, particularly as you have all your bastards to bring up. I am well respected at work, highly paid and we will continue to enjoy a superior lifestyle. No one respects you. In every way I am a better person than you. You will always be shit and will always have a shit life.

Posts: 281 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: UK
♀ 38271
Member # 38271
Default  Posted: 12:34 PM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I did contact OW too - many times (Friend) - and every time I walked away feeling even more empty and angry.

When she finally said something to the affect of "I was a horrible bitch" It still didn't make me feel any better and I didn't believe her! She's not worth it!

All you have to do is copy your letter and paste it here in the REPLY area.

~~When people show you who they are believe them ~~ Maya Angelou

Me -BS (49)

DS 21, DD 17
Divorced 8/2015

Posts: 868 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: SE PA
♀ 39324
Member # 39324
Default  Posted: 12:36 PM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have been thinking along the same lines but not sure what to do. I think I would rather have a conversation with her if there is any contact between us. Anything written down that has your name attached to it seems like a bad idea. Emotions can change over time and it may invite backlash. I don't think I am in a good place emotionally to do this right now, however once the dust settles a bit more...I may reach out. There is no point in it unless it is productive. There are some answers that I am still looking for. I don't know her story but if at some point we can have a conversation then I think it will help me. Maybe I am crazy in this thinking?

Dday 5-10-13
1 year + EA/PA (still TT)
Me- BW
Him- WH
M- 15 years
2 kiddos
Today's forecast is foggy with a chance of D.

"Better to be slapped with the truth than kissed with a lie"

Posts: 58 | Registered: May 2013 | From: hell on earth
♀ 29541
Member # 29541
Default  Posted: 12:40 PM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


OW will not give you any answers, she will only give you lies. Her answers will only serve herself, not bring you any peace.

In the long run, meeting with the OW is not a good idea.

Posts: 1378 | Registered: Sep 2010
♀ 39058
Member # 39058
Default  Posted: 12:43 PM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Pudding - I have only read the last 5 paragraphs of your letter and I've been cheering away like mad!!

Apart from some of the details I could copy and paste what you have written and put it into a letter of my own!!! I won't though and I'm glad you've decided not to. Posting it here is great - sending it could potentially get you sent to prison!!!

But boy did you nail it!!! I may go back and read the main part but I just wanted to quickly tell you how what you've 'said to her' shows that you are doing the right things for recovery and you are right - her life is nothing compared to yours!!

Good going that woman!!

Me: BW 45
Him: WH 48
Married: 6 years, together 9 years
D-day: 3 January 2013 - he confessed.
A: June-Dec 2012
No children.

Posts: 153 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: UK
♀ 35419
Member # 35419
Default  Posted: 2:07 PM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wrote to OW after she tried to push herself on my kids while I was out of town and we hadn't even filed for D. I also called her, explaining in a very nice way why this was not appropriate at this point. She was like a little girl (because she is a little girl, essentially) and she actually told me how she 'fell in love'. I then toldher about the Ex's many other affairs that I discovered in the wake of dday and that several were going on while he was professing his love to her. She was shocked, I tell ya.

But at the end of the day he spun her a line because I wasn't giving in and she fell for the unicorns. 1.5 years later and they're not very happy together but I figure they'll make it work for as long as they can. The alternative is admitting they were dumb assholes who put their need to fuck ahead of a hell of a lot of people.

Sleep on it and send it if you feel you want to. Only you know what will work for you.

Posts: 1468 | Registered: Apr 2012
♀ 19265
Member # 19265
Default  Posted: 3:19 PM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry not to appear supportive of you. but, why in the world, if your FWH regrets the ONS and the OC as much as he says he does, is he not NC with the OW and OC?

Your letter seems at odds with the reality of what the OW is experiencing - continued contact with your FWH. I can't imagine that it will have any effect on the OW other than to make her roll her eyes at it.

Divorced 11/2010
In a relationship with a WONDERFUL man. Engaged 04/2012

Posts: 172 | Registered: Apr 2008 | From: Oklahoma
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