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Newest Member: Howtotrust (61551)

User Topic: Need advice...outing ow to her fiance!
♀ 38495
Member # 38495
Default  Posted: 11:56 AM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The ow has a fiance who works out of state. I know this to be an absolute fact since I found an email to my husband last fall about how she couldn't wait to drop him off at the airport!

I just recently tracked down the fiance's work email address- my husband doesn't know! He told me last March that "she" was moving out of state with her fiance as of April 1!

I busted him meeting up with her just the other day. I said so much for her moving! He said it was postponed until Sept. I think she may be moving- but here's my dilemma.

I truly believe that my wh isn't in love with her- or wants to be her husband #4. I think he feels an obligation to her and that's all! I would so love to out her to her fiance but I so want her to move. Not that I'd ever trust my wh again- I just don't know what to do!

Trust is a fragile thing- once its lost it's gone forever!!

Posts: 248 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: mj052
♀ 30826
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 12:11 PM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tell her fiancee..give him copies of all evidence..

You said you caught your WH meeting up with her the other he broke NC...what happened as a result of breaking NC?

Obligated? His only obligation is to you and your marriage.

FWH 48
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.

Posts: 15220 | Registered: Jan 2011
♀ 18429
Member # 18429
Default  Posted: 12:12 PM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tell the man. He deserves to know what his future wife is doing. You might just save this man from having to pay for an expensive divorce and/or spousal maintenance for a woman that doesn't deserve him.

DDay - Dec '07
Me - BS
Him - WS
Us - working on R - again
May 18, 2010 - I forgave him fully!
D-day 2 July 4, 2015, turns out he is a SAWH, status, working harder than ever before, trying to fix something we thought we already had. It's

Posts: 4467 | Registered: Feb 2008
♀ 21101
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 12:14 PM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tell him. He deserves to know before she sucks the life out of him too.

Make sure you have proof to present, so you will be credible. But let him know.

Him: FWS
Kids: 18 & 20
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.

Posts: 13298 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
♀ 38511
Member # 38511
Default  Posted: 12:16 PM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Her fiance needs to know. So however you can let him know before he destroys his life would be a favor to him. As for your husband, so what if he feels obligated to her. He obviously doesn't feel obligated to you or he wouldn't be meeting up with her. I am not saying this to be hard or make you feel bad, but getting rid of her will not solve your problems. Someone else will come along if you don't address this A head on. Make sure there is NC with her, or there will be NC with you etc.

Good Luck

Me, 47 BS
H, 65 WH
2 boys 23 and 18 years old
Married 24 years

Posts: 523 | Registered: Feb 2013
♂ 32258
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 2:37 PM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep go ahead and tell. Just because she moves does not mean your WH and her won't hook up again in the future. Just because they don't have physical contact doesn't mean they still won't have a long distance LTA. Telling her fiance though will have another set of eyes on the both of them.

Also if he met up with the the other day then they are still in contact so out her to fiance is one of the first steps in breaking up the A.

D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Divorced 9/2/14 and loving life!

Posts: 2211 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
♀ 10506
Member # 10506
Default  Posted: 5:48 PM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tell her F. Her moving will not have an impact on the A. It will continue whether she moves or not. Tryst me on this one. When OW moved out of the country, I was thrilled. But then X and OW started the "distance makes the unicorn fart harder" part of their A.

And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine

Posts: 17695 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: A better place :)
♀ 31217
Member # 31217
Default  Posted: 5:56 PM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do it and don't warn anyone you are doing it. Send all proof, be factual and remember that he is in the same boat you are so be as kind as you need to be.

Best thing I ever did looking back.

At one time he was a man standing on marbles. Now I am a woman standing on marble.....

We are done fighting with each other and decide to fight FOR each other.

Posts: 765 | Registered: Feb 2011
♂ 36888
Member # 36888
Default  Posted: 10:07 AM, June 17th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As a man whose fiance carried on two EAs before/about the time we were married and continued them while we were married I wish someone had discovered and told me. I wouldn't have wasted the last two years of my life, I could have just cut all ties and walked away.

Please tell the OW's fiance, please give him all the evidence you have. You may save him a lot of trouble and strife.

Posts: 218 | Registered: Sep 2012
♀ 29358
Member # 29358
Default  Posted: 4:24 AM, June 18th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This post really scares me as my uncle is marrying a lady from a different state this summer. This will be her 4th marriage. I just do not have a good feeling about this. He just came out of a long term marriage that he did not want to end. He is grieving the end of his marriage, and not thinking in his right mind.

Please, please, please contact the new fiancé.

Me - BW 40
Him - FWH 39
Her - MOW 47 Fat Assed Toothless Man Faced Whore!!!

DD#1 July 28, 2010 Admitted to EA. A went underground.
DD#2 August 19,2010 Admitted PA

Posts: 1093 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Michigan
♀ 36976
Member # 36976
Default  Posted: 6:49 AM, June 18th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You could let her move and then tell him... (just an evil thought). Actually, just focus on the poor fiance and treat him like you would've wanted to be treated. Expect an angry, disbelieving response. You'll be witnessing his DDay moment. Just remember, you are the only one who is going to tell him the truth.

Posts: 870 | Registered: Sep 2012
♀ 39521
Member # 39521
Default  Posted: 7:10 AM, June 18th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with everyone else, you should tell the fiancé, and do it as soon as possible. My biggest regret is never outing the A to MOW's husband, they deserve to know.

MOW and her BS didn't have any children at the time of the A, now they have a little boy, I feel guilty thinking that one day POS OW will do this to him again, but now there's a poor child who would be dragged through it all

Me: BW 37
Him: WH 38
(DDay: 2/2008)
13 years, 5 kids...Seven years of Limbo

“I don't want to get to the end of my life and find that I have just lived the length of it. I want to have lived the width of it as well." ~ Diane Ackerman

Posts: 178 | Registered: Jun 2013
♀ 38378
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 7:35 AM, June 18th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When I think back on the truth coming forward about all that Perv did, I still struggle with how to be around people who knew and didn't tell me. I don't trust them anymore and some are my immediate family. My mother and siblings, aunts, uncles, in laws, etc... and it wasn't any of them who outed was OW herself.

I understand that the fiancé isn't a man you know, MJ, but I was raised to believe that we all deserve the truth about our own lives and the people we hold dear.

I notice some conflicting things about your post that I hope can be worked out and you will decide what to do.

Here's a question: would you want to be told if you did not know? Even if you get backlash, for when I was told Perv was caught "fishing", I was horrified at the person who told me, but later I apologized and thanked her for her brutal honesty.

And FWIW, the only other person besides OW who told me is a friend who is also a betrayed wife.

Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington

Posts: 3034 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Topic Posts: 13

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