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Need advice...outing ow to her fiance!

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mj052 posted 6/12/2013 11:56 AM

The ow has a fiance who works out of state. I know this to be an absolute fact since I found an email to my husband last fall about how she couldn't wait to drop him off at the airport!

I just recently tracked down the fiance's work email address- my husband doesn't know! He told me last March that "she" was moving out of state with her fiance as of April 1!

I busted him meeting up with her just the other day. I said so much for her moving! He said it was postponed until Sept. I think she may be moving- but here's my dilemma.

I truly believe that my wh isn't in love with her- or wants to be her husband #4. I think he feels an obligation to her and that's all! I would so love to out her to her fiance but I so want her to move. Not that I'd ever trust my wh again- I just don't know what to do!

confused615 posted 6/12/2013 12:11 PM

Tell her fiancee..give him copies of all evidence..

You said you caught your WH meeting up with her the other he broke NC...what happened as a result of breaking NC?

Obligated? His only obligation is to you and your marriage.

doesitgetbetter posted 6/12/2013 12:12 PM

Tell the man. He deserves to know what his future wife is doing. You might just save this man from having to pay for an expensive divorce and/or spousal maintenance for a woman that doesn't deserve him.

tushnurse posted 6/12/2013 12:14 PM

Tell him. He deserves to know before she sucks the life out of him too.

Make sure you have proof to present, so you will be credible. But let him know.

Josephine01 posted 6/12/2013 12:16 PM

Her fiance needs to know. So however you can let him know before he destroys his life would be a favor to him. As for your husband, so what if he feels obligated to her. He obviously doesn't feel obligated to you or he wouldn't be meeting up with her. I am not saying this to be hard or make you feel bad, but getting rid of her will not solve your problems. Someone else will come along if you don't address this A head on. Make sure there is NC with her, or there will be NC with you etc.

Good Luck

7yrsflushed posted 6/12/2013 14:37 PM

Yep go ahead and tell. Just because she moves does not mean your WH and her won't hook up again in the future. Just because they don't have physical contact doesn't mean they still won't have a long distance LTA. Telling her fiance though will have another set of eyes on the both of them.

Also if he met up with the the other day then they are still in contact so out her to fiance is one of the first steps in breaking up the A.

Dreamboat posted 6/12/2013 17:48 PM

Tell her F. Her moving will not have an impact on the A. It will continue whether she moves or not. Tryst me on this one. When OW moved out of the country, I was thrilled. But then X and OW started the "distance makes the unicorn fart harder" part of their A.

standingonmarble posted 6/12/2013 17:56 PM

Do it and don't warn anyone you are doing it. Send all proof, be factual and remember that he is in the same boat you are so be as kind as you need to be.

Best thing I ever did looking back.

omgnome posted 6/17/2013 10:07 AM

As a man whose fiance carried on two EAs before/about the time we were married and continued them while we were married I wish someone had discovered and told me. I wouldn't have wasted the last two years of my life, I could have just cut all ties and walked away.

Please tell the OW's fiance, please give him all the evidence you have. You may save him a lot of trouble and strife.

tryinginmi posted 6/18/2013 04:24 AM

This post really scares me as my uncle is marrying a lady from a different state this summer. This will be her 4th marriage. I just do not have a good feeling about this. He just came out of a long term marriage that he did not want to end. He is grieving the end of his marriage, and not thinking in his right mind.

Please, please, please contact the new fiancé.

RightTrack posted 6/18/2013 06:49 AM

You could let her move and then tell him... (just an evil thought). Actually, just focus on the poor fiance and treat him like you would've wanted to be treated. Expect an angry, disbelieving response. You'll be witnessing his DDay moment. Just remember, you are the only one who is going to tell him the truth.

WoundedOpus posted 6/18/2013 07:10 AM

I agree with everyone else, you should tell the fiancé, and do it as soon as possible. My biggest regret is never outing the A to MOW's husband, they deserve to know.

MOW and her BS didn't have any children at the time of the A, now they have a little boy, I feel guilty thinking that one day POS OW will do this to him again, but now there's a poor child who would be dragged through it all

Ashland13 posted 6/18/2013 07:35 AM

When I think back on the truth coming forward about all that Perv did, I still struggle with how to be around people who knew and didn't tell me. I don't trust them anymore and some are my immediate family. My mother and siblings, aunts, uncles, in laws, etc... and it wasn't any of them who outed was OW herself.

I understand that the fiancé isn't a man you know, MJ, but I was raised to believe that we all deserve the truth about our own lives and the people we hold dear.

I notice some conflicting things about your post that I hope can be worked out and you will decide what to do.

Here's a question: would you want to be told if you did not know? Even if you get backlash, for when I was told Perv was caught "fishing", I was horrified at the person who told me, but later I apologized and thanked her for her brutal honesty.

And FWIW, the only other person besides OW who told me is a friend who is also a betrayed wife.

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