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I'm attempting R with my WW.

We're going through ups and downs. Over the last two days or so I have just been tired. Bone tired.

I have never felt like this before. I just want to curl up and shut down my mind, except that sleep doesn't come.

I'm on anti-depressants and so tired of the ordeal after nearly four months of pain.

Just to clarify, I'm not even close to feeling suicidal or anything like that. Just deeply tired to the point where it's hard to even move.

The fatigue is so overwhelming that I feel it more than the pain of the A.

Has anyone else experienced this before? Is this a stage? How long does it last and what happens next?

I remember having extreme fatigue also. My hair fell out, my heart and mind raced constantly, I think this is part of the stage.

That being said, I would suggest talking to your MD who has you on the antidepressants just to be sure it isn't something else.

I think it varies for each person on how long the physical side effects of the A last. My hair came out in handfuls, I couldn't believe I wasn't bald (first time in my life I was thankful for my beyond thick hair)

Anyway, your still new to the recovery phase of infidelity. I hope you are in IC and MC, both of which were extremely beneficial for me and assisted in the healing process. Try to force yourself to do something you enjoy and gives you positive feelings. Working out helps a lot too.

Good luck on this road, it is a very hard one, but can be worth it if the work is done.

I have experienced unusual fatigue for most of the last 10 months (ever since D-Day). It's getting better now. I'm sure it was depression. I shy away from medications, so I never took any--just listened to my body and got lots of rest. Fortunately, I work from home, so I was able to do that. It did affect my work, but I was still able to function, albeit at a lower than normal level.

I would check with your Dr. to rule out something physical.

Is it possible the fatigue is a side affect of the AD you are taking? I know there are a couple that I took in the past that left me feeling drained.

That being said, the R process is exhausting. Make sure you remember to take care of yourself.

I have a doctor's appointment in a week. I'll ask.

I had been going to the gym and actually doing a pretty good job of taking care of myself for the last three weeks or so -- then this extreme fatigue hit me.

I just feel drained and there's a lot to do at work. I'm dreading going home because attempting R takes so much out of me.

It may sound like a strange response to being tired, but exercise can be your best friend. I don't know where I would be without it.

ETA: Just saw your second post. I still say try to get in some exercise, even if it is very light.

[This message edited by Later at 1:24 PM, June 12th (Wednesday)]

That's great that you were going to the gym and doing something for yourself.

Maybe try to carve out little bits of time for you or you and your wife that don't involve working on your marriage? It sounds like you need a mental break from the A stress.

Is your wife doing everything you need her to do to help you through this?

I didn't get meds until 6 months out. Same symptoms, very fatigued but could not sleep, woke up multiple times a night. My body was so depleted of everything I just about had a breakdown. Anyway, I was put on a low dose of AD/anxiety med, and also a low dose sleep aid. Apparently the ADs/anxiety meds can cause insomnia and/or fatigue, but also the stress probably does most of it. Anyway, you might consider a sleep aid for the short term, if not prescription something over the counter like melatonin or Tylenol PM, just to reset your sleep clock.

Also, if you are going to the doctor anyway, it is probably a good idea to get bloodwork done and make sure your levels of vitamins, minerals, hormones, etc are all normal. Extreme stress can deplete those too. Six months after I was taking the meds, I started having new symptoms and it turned out to be a vitamin and mineral deficiency made worse by stress. It's worth checking for peace of mind.

After the shock, adrenaline and freaking out subsided a bit, I did take a couple of days to rest...went to a friend's house to sleep and just be. I was worried about my WH making contact during that time but it was the first step in taking care of me. I think our bodies just shut down sometimes when we have been fighting so hard emotionally. When sleep did finally come it was in the form of an afternoon nap and because no one bothered me- I slept on through the night. If you don't have a trusted friend then a hotel might be an option. It was THE BEST medicine :) Hugs and rest to you FSM.

Thanks for the suggestions.

This might be related to the meds. I'm also wondering if it's related to being on edge for so long and my mind just can't do it anymore.

Weirdly, I'm not worried about my WW doing anything wrong again or that I'm not doing enough at work (I'm actually doing the bare minimum, usually I do a lot). I'm just plain tired and I'm not sure what my body is asking for.

It doesn't seem to be sleep, food or exercise because I've been pretty good about all three lately.

It's been 5 years now since D-day and I still experience a lot of fatigue.

I really think for me it's part depression/stress.

If we would have a real bad "go around...argument"...that would exhaust me for the entire day. Just like I had done a hard day of work.

Infidelity takes its toll on the mind and the body....not a lot of fun!!

I get extremely tired now, part of me thinks its my lil boy as our 2 d-days straddled his birth 8 months ago, but I d think there's more to it than that. I think a big part of it is hat everything takes that lil bit more effort, eve a normal conversation takes a lil more conservation, thought, and so many other issues have come out of our discussions following the A, its like im learning how to replant my feet

Part of it may be due to the anti-depressant. I know whenever I began taking Prozac after being off of it for awhile, I would have a few days where I am completely lethargic and fatigued. After being off of it for a few months and after my W's EA last year, I got on Zoloft because my depression was REALLY bad. I did not have the fatigue like I did from Prozac, I just felt a slight bit nauseous for a bit in the first couple of day.

I just resorted to having a third cup of coffee today despite it being late afternoon.

Usually I have two in the morning. I went out to a brand-name coffee shop known for serving very strong coffee. This is helping me stay alert.

I hate feeling like this. Grrrrr.

Thanks for all the suggestions.

God, yes, I had the fatigue for months. I wasn't on any meds, but there were times that I had to force myself to get off the couch to just get a glass of water. Horrible. For me, it did get better, slowly. Ask your doc to be sure, but walking was a lifesaver for me. Finally when the extreme fatigue lifted, just walking around 1 block helped. Hearing birds sing, seeing blue sky...Hugely reassuring for me, I gradually worked up speed and distance, but even a short stroll helped.

at about 6 months out I went thru this myself. I literally had to force myself to do anything. It lasted for a few months. Truthfully I have not regained my former energy level but then again I am in my mid 50's

Yep, that's how I felt the week before I broke out in shingles And the week before I broke out in shingles the second time!

It sounds prodromal to a virus FSM or like an autoimmune disease flare.

Go see your doctor. Get some blood work done. You'll want to rule out thyroid problems, etc. Don't just assume it is A related.

I'd encourage you to do some researching on "adrenal fatigue".

While it's hard to eliminate the stress during a time like this, there are things that you can do (supplements, diet) to help support your body and minimize the long-term effects.

I didn't know about this until I was several years out from D-day. By then, my adrenals really were exhausted and it has taken many years for me to recover. I'm just now starting to feel like my old self.

While you may not have full-blown fatigue, I'm relatively certain that your adrenals are working over time - and that can then cause a host of other problems with your autoimmune system (thyroid, hormones, etc.)

BTW, the pick-me ups of sugar and caffeine are some of the worst things you can do at this time. They actually create basically a boomerang effect with your cortisol, adding that much more stress to your adrenals.

Just an update. I felt more energized today. Not quite back to normal (or new normal since d-day).

Those were an awful two days of feeling like a zombie.

I actually managed to make it to the gym for half an hour and to have a so-so day at work.

My WW told me she felt similarly over those two days. Maybe we exhausted each other.

Glad you are feeling better! I think part of the being tired is related to the constant mind chatter and the amount of energy it takes to deal with all of the emotions swimming around in us. I know that I feel so tired in the evening, but when I go to bed, I cannot sleep. BTW, I have NOT been able to go to sleep on my own since finding out about the affair. I have used over the counter sleep medicine and if I am really struggling with sleep, I resort to Xanax to calm myself. In the morning, I feel groggy, unmotivated and have spent many days at work staring at the window, unable to concentrate. Antidepressants have different effects on different people and your dr. may need to tweek yours if you are just too tired or can't sleep well at night.

Never had this problem before the A. Now, my entire body is out of whack between the sleep deprivation and not feeling like eating a healthy diet. I have been drawn to sugar and coffee...

A's really take their toll on us in all aspects of our lives. Nothing seems "normal" any more!

Don't feel alone.