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Some things that pissed me off today - vent

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TattoodChinaDoll posted 6/12/2013 13:05 PM

1) Talking with a friend (the only one I've shared everything from the A to the miscarriage to heading to divorce) who is pregnant and looking into moving on to the next stage and getting a house, etc etc = Well, so much for ever having that dream home and family

2) Putting away groceries and seeing pictures of the kids all over the fridge. Ya know...the ones that were all over his desk that he and co-worker OW saw everyday. Ya know...the ones he brought home because he wasn't planning to stick around too long because he wanted to get out of there. So you saw those pictures everyday while seeing her and you think you haven't lost any credibility as a good father...riiigggghhhtttt.

Gotta move on. Gotta move on. Gotta move on.

[This message edited by TattoodChinaDoll at 1:06 PM, June 12th (Wednesday)]

nowiknow23 posted 6/12/2013 19:12 PM

((((TCD)))) Good to get it all out.

SBB posted 6/13/2013 04:30 AM

Lots of things will piss you off in the early days.

I used to move tables when an intact, happy, functioning family sat near me.

So sad that such a beautiful sight pissed me off royally. These days I sit close to them - MY little family of three IS intact, happy, functioning. I enjoy basking in theirs and my happiness.

It is as rough as hell but it does pass. The death of hope was as painful as acceptance. But it was freeing - I cannot tell you how freeing it was.

((TCD))

[This message edited by StrongButBroken at 5:20 AM, June 13th (Thursday)]

TattoodChinaDoll posted 6/13/2013 10:59 AM

Need to do some more venting.

Overwhelmed with cleaning. We have really outgrown this house. But obviously we are not going anywhere. And will be downsizing as this moves along. I just want to take each room apart and go through everything. I'm getting resentful now that I'm here doing everything again and he gets the benefits. Just be a damn grown up already and figure how to get shit done.

And too many baby posts on Facebook today. I weighed in this morning (have been going to the gym 6 days and week and dieting) and I'm down 28 pounds. But it's bitter sweet. I should be pregnant right now. I should be fat and sweaty. I hate that he has taken away happiness for the foreseeable future and doesn't care one bit.

ButterflyGirl posted 6/13/2013 11:10 AM

I know this was a vent, but I just have to say, "You are doing GREAT China Doll!"

Yes, he's a big boy, and he needs to grow the hell up and figure out how to get shit done. You aren't "doing" for him anymore, and that's how it should be! Someone is figuring out the 180 quite well

And I very much wish I had scoured the rooms before I filed for D. I could have sold anything and everything I wanted, but now that administrative orders are in place with the filing, everything has to stay how it is. That's really good foresight on your part and a great step in getting your ducks in a row..

I know it's hard, but you are getting so much stronger. (((((((TCD)))))))

TattoodChinaDoll posted 6/13/2013 11:26 AM

He is just so damn lazy about certain things...especially grown up things that have to do with the kids and house. Doesn't help that he is passive aggressive and I just get caught in a cycle. Honestly, I don't know what is really the best way to handle things sometimes because I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. If I do things, then he won't and he will just wait me out until I do. Even though I've asked for 15 years for him to be proactive. Years ago when I was working full time I actually made a chore chart check list for him.
And if I don't do the things he hasn't, then I have to live with the mess/broken thing/thing that should have gotten done years ago. It's like a damn hoarder who says they want to keep something because they want to do a project. Well that time never comes. Stop telling me you don't have time. Be a damn grown up and make time and realize that maybe you won't get a fucking rest for awhile because you are a damn grown up.

ButterflyGirl posted 6/13/2013 12:15 PM

I would say leave the mess/broken thing/other thing alone as long as you can stand it. This is one of the BIGGEST reliefs of finally being separated. You're having trouble juggling all your crap STBX? No groceries? No clean clothes? No filing cabinet for your bills? NOT MY PROBLEM. BYE!

I can assure you he will fall down and cry a few times, but he will learn. Maybe he won't learn that he should just clean/fix/whatever, but he will learn that he fired you from the job of caring for him.. You may have to remind him a few times and deal with his mantrums, but he will learn to stop depending on you for things when you fully stop doing them for him..

Keep pushing forward and focusing on you and you will get out of the cycle soon. Promise!

I love your "Gotta move on. Gotta move on. Gotta move on."

Now it's also "Not my problem. Not my problem. Not my problem."

TattoodChinaDoll posted 6/13/2013 15:07 PM

Ugh. Not really pissed about this. More like disheartened and beaten down. For those who don't know, I am a SAHM. I have my degree in music education and was previously a tenured teacher in a school district. I've been trying to find a job so that we can get this divorce thing going. I have to be picky because I do not have family help here. I will be the primary caregivers for my three girls, too. I need something close or at least something feasible that I won't need someone to take them to before care and pick them up from school/daycare/aftercare. I won't have the money. And speaking of money, NJ is freaking expensive (I think I figured out once that one year of property taxes here is like 10 years somewhere else). On a teacher salary, even with child support and spousal support, it's going to be very tough. Every time I go to job sites and see something that seems like a prayer answered, there is something that doesn't fit...location, it's part time or long term sub (I need stability), or it's for band or orchestra. While my degree is for all areas of music...you have people whose primary instruments in college were band and orchestra instruments also applying for that job. And there it was. A very prestigious private school and isn't too far away...annnnndddd it's for jazz band. I get that, "why won't the karma bus come in my situation," "why won't something be my prayers answered?" I'm just annoyed.

TattoodChinaDoll posted 6/13/2013 15:49 PM

Ok... Can you tell I've been pissy the last couple days? Now I am triggering hard. WH is going to a retirement dinner. The last time he was at a work function, it was with OW. They were fondling each other under the table and flirting up a storm. When I asked him about touching her leg, asking for details about where and how he touched her thigh, he got mad at me because, "anyone would know what put my hand on her thigh meant." Don't worry...I'm not expecting him to know I'm triggering and come save me. I just have to get it out so I don't stew.

SBB posted 6/14/2013 18:36 PM

Are you guys in-house S? That there is hell. I only did it for 8 weeks before a 3m False R then a few weeks after final S.

It.was.hell.

Trust me on this - what he does, where he goes and with whom won't bother you one iota one day. I had to go through a whole bunch of agonising pain before it stopped hurting.

TattoodChinaDoll posted 6/14/2013 19:05 PM

Yes, we are doing an in house S. no other way at this point. Most days it isn't horrible...sad mostly. Some days I do think that I'm delaying healing.

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