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After 5 years she contacted him

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Monkey posted 6/12/2013 13:28 PM

It was DD on Monday. She sent him an email telling him that she still thought of him and that she had got married.
I intercepted the message and replied pretending to be him. I gave her both barrels! I was not kind and don't think she will contact him again.
The problem is I can't stop thinking about it again. We have been so happy lately with the birth of our daughter but that sick feeling has returned.
I guess she did it to cause trouble and she has caused trouble within my mind.
I hope it will go away agin in a few days.
My husband says it is nothing to do with him now and it should not affect our reconciliation.
What do you think?

confused615 posted 6/12/2013 13:31 PM

I think your WH is has nothing to do with who he is now..and it shouldn't affect your reconciliation.

That being said,it *does* affect YOU...and that's normal,I would think. And I think your WH needs to be reminded that even though R is going well,you still bare the scars...and those scars need to be tended to.


Edited: Because my mind knows to capitalize certain letters. My fingers? Not so much.

[This message edited by confused615 at 1:32 PM, June 12th (Wednesday)]

catlover50 posted 6/12/2013 13:38 PM

I've said this a few times here, but my IC said that the M will always have a scar, and even 15 years from now something may pull at it. This is an obvious trigger and your response is normal.

That said, I would suggest finding something fun to do with your H to change the focus.

2married2quit posted 6/12/2013 13:45 PM

Monkey - I don't blame you at all. I'd be freaking out if OM would send an e-mail like that to my W. You did the right thing.

I'd be thinking my W would re-open that part of her life and would be tempted to talk to the OM. Even though that may not be the case, that's what my mind would be telling me. huh! I feel you.

Monkey posted 6/12/2013 14:22 PM

Thanks guys. I don't get too many triggers these days and I would say I am over it mostly but this was mean of her. At least I know he maintained nc!
I told her she must be miserable if she just got married and was thinking about my husband and to work on her own happiness. In the intervening years she got divorced too. I feel sorry for her new husband. He must have no idea
I am sure I'll be fine again soon. Little one doesn't give me time to dwell which is a good thing!!
Thanks for the advice all.


FeelingSoMuch posted 6/12/2013 14:33 PM

Wow. I wonder how this former OW would feel if you had sent her message to her new H.

I don't blame you for being angry. Some people are very self-centred.

LoveActually posted 6/12/2013 15:13 PM

Wow--after 5 years! It's stories like these that confirm the fact that I will continue to do my "security sweeps" probably for years longer. I am 4yrs out and I am not afraid one tiny bit that he will contact her, but I could see her doing what the OW in your case did. Maybe that's why I continue to keep a look out. You handled it exactly as I would have. You have every right to feel anxious--I'm sure it drudged up all those horrible feelings. Just make sure your husband knows how this has triggered you and that he needs to offer you support and whatever you need to feel safe again.

Monkey posted 6/12/2013 16:23 PM

It's horrible isn't it? Monitoring my FWH emails and messages is second nature now. I wonder if he wold have told me about it if he had of seen it first?
See, there i go again and all because of a spiteful troublemaker. It makes me so angry!
Oh well, at least I got my chance to tell her some home truths. I've been waiting to do that for 5 years lol!!
Closure at last

2married2quit posted 6/12/2013 16:27 PM

I guess she still believes in the fantasy. She can go on like that for decades. She needs to get a life.

1Faith posted 6/12/2013 16:51 PM

Hi Monkey

Yes, I would be freaking out too. That is ridiculous. What is her deal? Obviously she isn't too happy or why would she be trying to initiate contact. She wants to see if she can wiggle her way back in his life.

Kudos to your husband for not biting.

Don't let her get to you. She doesn't deserve your time or your agnst.

Good for you for telling her off.

Keep focus on what is happening NOW with you and your husband and focus on your baby. All positive.


standingonmarble posted 6/12/2013 17:58 PM

Was she warned that if she contacted again that it would be forwarded to her new hubby? I hope you put her on notice.'

I wish the scars went away completely.

HardenMyHeart posted 6/12/2013 21:12 PM

(((Monkey))) So sorry for the pain this caused you.

In my case, the OM also went fishing every Mothers day for a couple years after D-day. My take...this is not necessarily a bad thing, because it shows that NC has been maintained. Next time I suggest not responding to the OW. I firmly believe maintaining NC is the best way to fight a fishing attempt. IMO, NC says a strong message that says, "you no longer matter".

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