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My WH went to Dominican for 4 months living it up. Tells me when I heard him say girlfriend that it means something different in Spanish. I tried to point out to him I didn't hear the Spanish speaking guy say it I heard YOU say it.

It doesn't mean something different. Your husband is lying.

What difference does this one thing make in light of all the other hard evidence you have?

I read your profile. Your WH is gaslighting the sh*t out of you. He''s using his time in the DR to either have another relationship or just sleep around, it''s not clear. Anything he''s told you is a lie designed to fob you off and keep you from ruining his little party. I''m sorry. Please read in the healing library about the 180. It will help you detach so you can get some clarity on what you want to do and how you want to handle leaving him if he won''t stop cheating.

[This message edited by cayc at 4:38 PM, June 12th, 2013 (Wednesday)]

I read your profile. I am furious for you. You are carrying this dirty little secret and its not your fault.

You are NOT ALONE. You are NOT CRAZY! I don't want to insult anyone from DR. My family is from DR, I was born and raised in the U.S. the culture over there is very different. There is poverty and woman willing to do whatever for a few US dollars. Your husband is a complete idiot...I'm putting this mildly. He may or may have caught something over there.

They will say and do anything in the hopes of coming to America. I'm not saying all Dominicans are the same.

I'm just saying what I've witnessed. My sister visited there to see family and met her future H. Within 2 weeks he was head over heels over her. She remained in contact and returned a few months later and married him. Brought him to US... Had two kids with him. Only to find out he was cheating for years and he had a daughter that was 1 month apart from their daughter!

It's uncommon for people in DR to use condoms. Please take care of yourself. He is clearly gas lighting big time. He doesn't remember how his money was missing, his stuff stolen,doesn't remember phone calls, emails.... Dear God he truly sucks at this and thinks you are a 3yr old sucking her thumb. I told my family. I was afraid to tell them because they would NEVER EVER forgive him. I got their support. Yes they were angry at him. My mother suffered with me. My brothers were beyond furious. It's been about 2 yrs since we are in R. Guess what? If its meant to be that you go into R and he shows true remorse. They will forgive, understand or at least respect your decision to R. It's NOT easy. My H decided on his own to apologize to my family individually. It's a lot of people to apologize to and a lot of tears.

You need a shoulder to lean on. Your feelings will be up and down. You will hit anger stage and make a decision for yourself. Infidelity sucks :'(

It was like a death of someone really close to me. Come here and vent as much as you need to. I grew a backbone because of SI and I knew I deserved better

(((Hugs)))

Thank you. I know that I am still in shock over this I go back and forth. I was hoping someone either from the DR or experience with DR could give me info,. I kind of already knew. I guess I was just looking for confirmation or denial. I know what my gut is telling me and I know my husband very well so it wasn't hard for me to figure something was up last year, I just chose to let him get away with lying to me about it. I also knew when I asked him face to face a few weeks ago that he wasn't telling me everything. I also chose that. I at this point have pretty much kept my mouth shut, because I am watching him and waiting.

Liarswife, I'm so sorry. The only reason I replied is because I felt I really had to. We all know our spouses better than anyone else. We just know when we're not told the entire truth. My brother inlaw is also married to a Dominican woman, but they met in the US. Totally different scenario. Shes been one major reason why he is sober after over 20 yrs of drinking. She has even said she would NEVER allow her H to go to DR alone because woman are too aggressive there etc... It's a total bullshit illusion and most realize this sooner or later. I mentioned my brother in law's wife because not all DR woman and men are not the same. But being in DR is different than being born or raised here. Over there it is mostly acceptable for men to be womanizers. The mom's say "he's a man with needs, what do you expect" and most often blame the son's wife for the infidelity. The fathers raise their boys in this way. My brothers were born in DR and at the age of 13 my dad took my oldest brother to a brothel. Because my dad felt he needed to be a man already. My dad also visited the brothel. My brother NEVER returned again and said his first sexual experience was not as it should have been. My dad was great with his kids but he was not a good husband in the sense that he cheated and thought it was "life"

Our family moved to the US and my sister and I were born. My dad passed away when I was almost 6.

My mom raised us on her own. She made sure she drilled in our heads how men are suppose to treat a lady!! My brother has been married about 26 yrs now. He has talked about his childhood and told me in all his yrs of marriage he had never even talked to another woman inappropriately because how mother raised us and because of the pain she hid from all of this.

Keep your eyes open just as you are doing. The fact that he's denied all of this tells you that he's telling you " it never happened so I don't have a reason to apologize or want to fix things" there is zero remorse in his stories obviously. He really thinks he is not caught as long as he denies.

This will turn into a cat and mouse game. It's overwhelming and tiring.

As you can tell this hit home for me because I feel like I just wrote a book!

The numbness will fade and you will soon demand the respect you deserve. Do not waiver out of fear of losing him.

[This message edited by Offhispedestal at 10:13 AM, June 13th (Thursday)]