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How can I still be so upset?

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libertyrocks posted 6/12/2013 15:09 PM

My goodness, 7 months out and we have way more good days than bad days. We genuinely have a good time and enjoy one another's company, but I get so fuming angry I cannot control it.

I feel like it's nature's way of keeping me in survival mode to stay away from the person who hurt me more than words can describe. I keep fighting for the "love" but it always backfires into hate again.

He already broke my heart and I honestly feel like I'm getting over him, if that makes sense.

I've been doing 180 without even noticing it. It feels good. I like how I feel when I detach from him. We're supposed to be in "R." I don't want to make a rash decision and ditch him, but that's what I'm leaning towards these days...

hopingforhappy posted 6/12/2013 15:19 PM

This is why the general advice here is to not make any decisions for a year. It really takes time to get your bearings and figure out your complicated emotions. It takes a while just to get over the shock and start feeling the real emotions! Be gentle to yourself. 7 months is really a short period of time. The 2-5 year time frame has been true for me--and I still have a few years to go, I think. Give yourself the time you need to heal. I still get angry on occasion, but it is less often and has less intensity. It sounds to me like you are doing great!

libertyrocks posted 6/13/2013 10:57 AM

Thank you. I cannot fathom spending the rest of my years like this...

My ego's hurt so badly.

confused615 posted 6/13/2013 11:17 AM

I was in shock for the first 5 months,then hit the rage phase..and stayed in ti for a few years.

I think your anger is normal...you've had multiple ddays,TT,and a WH who is slow to "get it." Why *wouldn't* you still be upset?

crazyblindsided posted 6/13/2013 13:22 PM

*raises hand* me too and I'm 16 months out. It is one rollercoaster to hell isn't it?

It's good to hear that the 180 is allowing you to feel better. It has done the same for me. And I like how you stated that you are getting over him after breaking your heart. I always think that in a way my WH has already done the one thing I feared the most and he broke my heart and stomped on it, over and over again. My WH could never hurt me or surprise me like that again because he already has. Sucks for him though that I feel this way.

[This message edited by crazyblindsided at 1:23 PM, June 13th (Thursday)]

1Faith posted 6/13/2013 16:17 PM

Liberty

What you are feeling is completely normal. Completely.

Go back to the timeline.

7 months is a time where you come out of shock and go wth am I doing?

Is anyone worth this much pain? Somedays the answers will be yes and somedays it will be F no.

Just keep taking one day at a time. You will know when you know. Enough time will have passed for you to say " I am ready to make a decision"

Anger is normal after shock.

Hang in there

Flatlined123 posted 6/13/2013 17:59 PM

We are coming up on 4 years and there are times that I still have such a deep hurt/anger/sadness over what H did to us. If I let it, it would carry me away.

We have almost all good days. It just hurts so damm much when I think about it

IAmPsycho posted 6/13/2013 18:19 PM

It has been 12 years for me! That seems impossible. If I would've known that the A would still be such a major part of my life this far out, I would've divorced him. I think there are only 2 ways to get over it. Either D, because then they won't be around for you to blame or they have to prove that they love you like crazy. My WH did not do that. So, I feel stuck. How long does the statute of limitations last on an A? Can I still use it as my reason for D?

crazyblindsided posted 6/13/2013 18:59 PM

I think there are only 2 ways to get over it. Either D, because then they won't be around for you to blame or they have to prove that they love you like crazy. My WH did not do that. So, I feel stuck. How long does the statute of limitations last on an A? Can I still use it as my reason for D?

I know. I always think I'll get over it if I get a D, but I feel that is me running from the situation because deep down I want it to work, even though the odds are against us.

I don't think there is ever a statue of limitations on the A. I feel the BS or WS can exit the M if either feels they cannot R.

sodamnlost posted 6/13/2013 22:25 PM

Almost 9 months out here and I would kill for more good days than bad. I am grateful if I have an hour where it's not front and center in my head and heart ;(

I recently chose limbo again over R. I realize it's a label but when I have to fight everyday not to end this - not sure that's R. Also in the mind frame of WH hasn't actually warned R yet.

Missymomma posted 6/13/2013 22:33 PM

Anger is normal and part of the process. That is why they say 2-5 years. Because of my SAWHs reluctance to do a true full disclosure, it may really be 2-5 years from that. While in the anger phase, my therapist recommends using it to motivate change. That is what it is for. Use it to exercise, start doing something for yourself that you have been putting off, anything positive that you can use the anger to push yourself to do. I used it to start working out, going to school again and going out with my girlfriends more often.

Once the anger is worked through, expect a whole lot of pain and sadness to still be there. It is a process and not a pretty one, at that. You seem like a strong chick, so you will make it through!

Missymomma posted 6/13/2013 22:33 PM

So sorry.

[This message edited by Missymomma at 10:34 PM, June 13th (Thursday)]

Missymomma posted 6/13/2013 22:33 PM

Weird triple post. Don't think I've ever done that.

[This message edited by Missymomma at 10:33 PM, June 13th (Thursday)]

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