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Newest Member: NHope (61816)

User Topic: Acting
♀ 36618
Member # 36618
Default  Posted: 3:21 PM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had a question once you confront a WS and you get a confession and such how do you as a BS expect them to act? Or expect to carry themselves or deal when you have an episode of back flashes etc?

My DDay2 was a couple weeks ago and he confessed and told me the truth granted he TT but he admitted to DDay2 but not DDay1. Just a very long story either way I feel like he just wants to move over this bump in the road. Like he doesn't want to go through the whole me being down he wants me to get over with it and move on. Whenever I have a bad day and tell him something I guess I expect him to just take it take and ride the wave of pain he caused but he in turn just turns the whole thing in him being a victim and I just end it and figure it out on my own.

BS(me) - 26
WH - 34
DDay 6/24/12 at 2:04 p.m.
DDay 2 5/8/13-5/22/13 KIK App
2 Children ages 5 (boy) and 2 (girl)
I'm sorry is a statement I won't do it again is a promise how do i make it up to you is a responsibility

Posts: 148 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
♀ 18862
Member # 18862
Default  Posted: 12:32 PM, June 13th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As a BS, I would expect the behavior you describe from a remorseless WS. I would expect a remorseful WS to have a lot more empathy for you.

This is no "bump in the road."

I'm sorry.

"tous dans le jeu, yo. tous dans le jeu."

Posts: 641 | Registered: Mar 2008
♀ 35110
Member # 35110
Default  Posted: 5:06 PM, June 13th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with mel88. I'm three years in with a remorseless WS, I've been living your past two weeks for three years now. I see now just how big a mistake I made when I stayed because after a few months of it you realize they aren't going to change.


I'm the BW, 3 DDays since 2010....
6/28/12, the day I finally admitted to myself that nothing I did would ever matter to him, he's just broken. So I'm gonna just let go.....

Posts: 283 | Registered: Mar 2012
♀ 18158
Member # 18158
Default  Posted: 5:17 PM, June 13th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I personally think a good test for this is to tell him exactly what you need from him and then see if he can follow thru. I think there are some WS's that feel bad about what they did but they don't know how to cope with it, sometimes they will react defensively or try to act like they are the victim, I think if you can say to a WS like this, "when I have a trigger I need you to hold me and tell me you are sorry" next time you trigger let them know you need him to do what you asked, if he chooses not to after you've told him exactly what you need, then you'll know he isn't remorseful and isn't willing to help you heal.

My H needed direction, some WS don't, they seem to be so supportive and crying and remorseful on their own. My H's behavior was very confusing, even after R started we struggled, but when ever I was clear about something I needed he did it 100%, I think that says a lot about a WS intentions.

Me BW-39
H WH-41
Married for 10 years
Two boys 6yrs, 3yrs
D-Day 12/1/07
Got whole painful truth 2/2/08
5/15/2008 EA with co-worker, I left
6/1/08 - We are committing to R
"One falsehood destroys a thousand truths"

Posts: 2303 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: Georgia
Topic Posts: 4

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