Forum Archives

Return to Forum List


You are not logged in. Login here or register.

fyou143 posted 6/12/2013 15:21 PM

I had a question once you confront a WS and you get a confession and such how do you as a BS expect them to act? Or expect to carry themselves or deal when you have an episode of back flashes etc?

My DDay2 was a couple weeks ago and he confessed and told me the truth granted he TT but he admitted to DDay2 but not DDay1. Just a very long story either way I feel like he just wants to move over this bump in the road. Like he doesn't want to go through the whole me being down he wants me to get over with it and move on. Whenever I have a bad day and tell him something I guess I expect him to just take it take and ride the wave of pain he caused but he in turn just turns the whole thing in him being a victim and I just end it and figure it out on my own.

mel88 posted 6/13/2013 12:32 PM

As a BS, I would expect the behavior you describe from a remorseless WS. I would expect a remorseful WS to have a lot more empathy for you.

This is no "bump in the road."

I'm sorry.

ElectricBlue posted 6/13/2013 17:06 PM

I agree with mel88. I'm three years in with a remorseless WS, I've been living your past two weeks for three years now. I see now just how big a mistake I made when I stayed because after a few months of it you realize they aren't going to change.


mepe27 posted 6/13/2013 17:17 PM

I personally think a good test for this is to tell him exactly what you need from him and then see if he can follow thru. I think there are some WS's that feel bad about what they did but they don't know how to cope with it, sometimes they will react defensively or try to act like they are the victim, I think if you can say to a WS like this, "when I have a trigger I need you to hold me and tell me you are sorry" next time you trigger let them know you need him to do what you asked, if he chooses not to after you've told him exactly what you need, then you'll know he isn't remorseful and isn't willing to help you heal.

My H needed direction, some WS don't, they seem to be so supportive and crying and remorseful on their own. My H's behavior was very confusing, even after R started we struggled, but when ever I was clear about something I needed he did it 100%, I think that says a lot about a WS intentions.

Return to Forum List

© 2002-2018 ®. All Rights Reserved.