My DD is the day before yours. I also keep getting TT. Not much info from him, unless I pull it out with pliers (at least it feels that way). I feel like a fool all the time. He told me "everything" about 2 months ago, except what i found out last week, and yesterday, and last night. I had a major breakdown last night. I'm not sure I can do this. I love him, but can't live with the lies. Don't they understand that we need to know what was going on in OUR LIVES!!! I also get the "I don't remember". Well you remembered to go to her house, to call and text her CONSTANTLY, and to tell her EVERYTHING. What about me? What about our kids? What about our marriage? I guess "you don't remember" us either.
Work on you, he needs to work on him. Go ahead and scream. It sometimes makes me feel better. I just do it when I'm alone, so I don't scare the kids
Trust is earned, respect is given, & loyalty is demonstrated. Betrayal of any one is to loose all three.
Good for you for digging deeper, and finding out more. Have you approached him about it? If not, don't reveal your sources. He needs to own what he had done, but it takes time for many WS's to figure this out, and get it right.
It's normal for your feelings to be all over the place too. Try to figure out what you need for R. Once you do make it very clear of what you need from him to R. Then make sure he understands the consequences of not following through, and be prepared to follow through.
You will see many here will say you have to be willing to loose the M to save it, and it is very true.
Keep posting, take care of you, make sure you are eating, keeping hydrated, and sleeping. If you aren't then go to the Dr and get something to help you through this.
My other two things on the checklist for newbies are getting STD tested, and seeing a lawyer. I feel every BS should do this. You need to know and understand what will happen should he give up, or you decide to D. Knowledge is power, and power is strength.
Read my tagline...it describes exactly how that/this feels.
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
I asked him in January (1 month before he moved home) if there were any others. He looked me in the eyes and said "No". In April, I find out about #2 and #3, plus other stuff like an old Ashley Madison account where HE was the single guy looking for married women!
I was mad that he let me fall in love with him again under false pretenses. So, now he's home and I'm 2 months out from DDay 2. He said that he didn't want to hurt me more by telling me. And this doesn't hurt?
I feel like an idiot for not noticing that he was screwing around for 6 years. Some days I question why I'm staying with him now. But since DDay 2, he has become the perfect remorseful husband. I really can't ask for much more from him now. He finally truly "gets" it. I stay because I love the man that he is today - not the evil monster he was last year during his EA/PA with OW#4.
Sending lots of hugs! Just wanted you to know you're not alone! TT happens to the best of us!
It was only after he realized that he was losing me that he started to change. I never expected it, and did a lot of letting him carry 110% of the weight of healing our marriage for a LONG time. I just watched. Watched and worked on healing myself. Who knows if it will work for you. I only know that if I hadn't gotten there my marriage would have been over, but more importantly I wouldn't have done the necessary healing that I needed.
I've received so many different versions of his multiple affairs that I have finally learned to accept that I will never know the truth. The acceptance truly saved my sanity and allowed me to heal.
Take care of your heart. Big hugs.
He gave me this really vague timeline of when it started and ended. None of it made sense. He kept blaming it on compartmentalizing.
You are not alone (((MarKay81)))