Then BAM came the 2 years of prostitutes. I came out of that revelation in sheer panic. I could not take care of myself. I was like a baby. I can't work a computer, pay bills, do the basic things in order to survive on my own. I can't even drive without fear. Sooo, I decided to do something about it.
My WH is helping me do this. Out of guilt? Wanting to help me? Other motives? no sure, but I got myself into IC, am learning how to drive and took a few classes about the computer.
I am now in another part of the state taking a conference to become certified in my profession so I can get a job and make my own money and decide what I want to do with my life. Not my H, not my kids, but mine. I'm not going to neglect anybody, but just saying I want to have a choice in my life to stay or go or whatever.
My WH set it all up because I still don't know how to book flights, hotels, drive to the airport, you get my meaning. But I am here and I am scared. I haven't been on my own or out in the real world for 10 years.
I'm finding out that there are a lot of friendly people out there and that maybe, just maybe with time and practice and hard work, I can become independent.
But right now I am feeling scared and lonely to be on my own and I thought I would not be thinking about the prostitutes, but I am, why? There are triggers everywhere I look. I hate it.
Just wanted to let all of you know how hard a road this is for me, but I am proud of doing it.
Any obstacle stories you want to share?
Go down to the bar, or call room service and get a glass of wine & bring it to your room. Celebrate you and your new found strength! Take the time to think and just be you. If they have a spa where you are, make time for some services you would enjoy. Mani pedi, massage, anything. Just do it for independent, worthy you! And! Charge everything to your room! Hubby owes you more than that, but its a beginning.
Always, tell the other BS! Always!
"It's hard to be in love when you can't tell lies"!
Enjoy your "me" time! Go to the hotel spa, get a massage, get a mani/pedi, and get every little thing you can out of that conference. Use that time to network and build up your professional contacts.
