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I'm on my own for a few day's, scared but good.

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letitout posted 6/12/2013 19:14 PM

Throughout our marriage I have let my WH control everything. I had been doing ok except for the past 10 years when we had to move away across the country away from my family, quit working and went into deep depression.

Then BAM came the 2 years of prostitutes. I came out of that revelation in sheer panic. I could not take care of myself. I was like a baby. I can't work a computer, pay bills, do the basic things in order to survive on my own. I can't even drive without fear. Sooo, I decided to do something about it.

My WH is helping me do this. Out of guilt? Wanting to help me? Other motives? no sure, but I got myself into IC, am learning how to drive and took a few classes about the computer.

I am now in another part of the state taking a conference to become certified in my profession so I can get a job and make my own money and decide what I want to do with my life. Not my H, not my kids, but mine. I'm not going to neglect anybody, but just saying I want to have a choice in my life to stay or go or whatever.

My WH set it all up because I still don't know how to book flights, hotels, drive to the airport, you get my meaning. But I am here and I am scared. I haven't been on my own or out in the real world for 10 years.

I'm finding out that there are a lot of friendly people out there and that maybe, just maybe with time and practice and hard work, I can become independent.

But right now I am feeling scared and lonely to be on my own and I thought I would not be thinking about the prostitutes, but I am, why? There are triggers everywhere I look. I hate it.

Just wanted to let all of you know how hard a road this is for me, but I am proud of doing it.

Any obstacle stories you want to share?

fourever posted 6/12/2013 20:12 PM

((Letitout))
Good going girl! Here's a virtual hug for you.
You have taken some major steps for you, and that is so empowering!

Go down to the bar, or call room service and get a glass of wine & bring it to your room. Celebrate you and your new found strength!
Take the time to think and just be you. If they have a spa where you are, make time for some services you would enjoy. Mani pedi, massage, anything. Just do it for independent, worthy you!
And! Charge everything to your room!
Hubby owes you more than that, but its a beginning.

sadsenior posted 6/12/2013 20:17 PM

Oh letitout - Every time you do something independently you will become stronger. Be proud of yourself. We are proud of you!

letitout posted 6/13/2013 07:56 AM

Thanks all for the support. I woke up today at 1:00 in the morning due to anxiety, but I will make it through the day. I will pamper myself and charge it to hubby!

makes me mad posted 6/13/2013 08:13 AM

Proud of you too!! This will have an ongoing effect, you'll gain more confidence the more things you do, I hope you have a lovely pamper, you deserve it

itainteasy posted 6/13/2013 08:18 AM

Proud of you!!!

Enjoy your "me" time! Go to the hotel spa, get a massage, get a mani/pedi, and get every little thing you can out of that conference. Use that time to network and build up your professional contacts.

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