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WW's Family

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Ghostrider posted 6/12/2013 20:03 PM

Part of the disaster my WW created with her A's was my estrangement with members of her family. She has always been very close with them (sister, brothers, cousins,...) and during her A's, her cousin facilitated her meetings with an OM, while her sister was aware and discussed it with her. I suspect another cousin also knew. I haven't seen them in 2yrs and never attend family functions (they all live 50 miles from us) as I have no interest in wasting my time being in their presence. I have no issue with other relatives, but I am ambivalent towards them and only see them if they visit us. She told her parents what was happening and they understand.

One issue I have is that she at times shares pictures with them (to include her sister and cousin) where I am in the picture. Seems strange, but I just don't want them knowing what I look like or what I'm doing. I knew them for 12yrs and that didn't matter to them, so why do they need to know what I'm doing or what I look like? I know this is impractical as we have 2 sons and I am in pictures with them, and yet it angers me.

nuance posted 6/13/2013 00:06 AM

Ask her to share just the ones you're not in them.

lm2024 posted 6/13/2013 09:08 AM

Yes, only pictures where you're not in them. Her family both enabled and facilitated her affairs, I would be the same way.

RyeBread posted 6/13/2013 09:41 AM

Seems strange, but I just don't want them knowing what I look like or what I'm doing.

Doesn't seem strange to me at all. I think you are well within reasonable boundaries to ask that anything involving you and your life not be shared with people who are willing to actively deceive you and do not respect you.

Rise And Shine posted 6/13/2013 09:58 AM

Seems strange, but I just don't want them knowing what I look like or what I'm doing. I knew them for 12yrs and that didn't matter to them

Not strange, really. To me, it's like they lost the right to know anything about me or have any kind of part in my life. Knowing that their filthy eyes have so much as looked at me in a picture makes me feel dirty and need to clean myself in a shower...

The WS's job after an A is to right their wrongs. A big part of righting their wrongs has to do with friends and family members who helped the WS with their A. Sometimes that means cutting off ties with those who helped them. Sometimes it means the WS actively works to rehabilitate their helpers.

IMO, if your WW is sincerely disgusted with her own behavior she should be equally disgusted with the behavior of the family members who helped her. They didn't just hurt you but they hurt her as well. If she doesn't want to cut ties with them then she needs to rehabilitate them- to right her wrongs, to make sure they know how destructive their behavior was to her and her family, to make sure they won't be part of any destruction in the future and to make sure they right their own wrongs and show you the respect that you deserve- the respect that her husband and children deserves.

If she doesn't do that or can't do that but continues to have a relationship with these people, I'd take that as a red flag. That maybe she doesn't quite grasp the enormity of what she has done to you, to herself, to her children.

wonderingbull posted 6/13/2013 14:34 PM

My question would be...

Is this the hill you're willing to die on?

WB

alphakitte posted 6/13/2013 14:38 PM

Not strange, I feel the same.

Have you asked her not to share photos that you are in?

kenny55 posted 6/15/2013 15:09 PM

I am in the same boat. I do not even want my grown children sharing anything about me with their mom much less the in laws

kenny55 posted 6/15/2013 15:09 PM

I am in the same boat. I do not even want my grown children sharing anything about me with their mom much less the in laws

kenny55 posted 6/15/2013 15:09 PM

I am in the same boat. I do not even want my grown children sharing anything about me with their mom much less the in laws

Ashland13 posted 6/15/2013 15:40 PM

This isn't strange to me, either.

I also find that I don't want Perv himself to know anything I don't have to "share" about DD or I.

Sorry to generalize, but I think that anyone who helped a WS have an A, in my mind helped them violate their BS as a person, as well. Likewise, I feel like a person who knew of the A but didn't tell a BS also is not in the right.

I, too, have inlaws who knew and one who even provided shelter for Perv when he went into hiding, and to this day, can't bear to think of her knowing-and I learned that she was a BS at one point, to boot!

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