Maybe I was pissed at myself for staying or not seeing it sooner. I don't really know.
For me I knew it wasn't conducive for R but I would still do it.
For me this stopped with time once I felt more secure in the relationship.
I am also sure being pregnant isn't helping. At least when I was pregnant I lacked a lot of patience and the littlest thing would set me off.
I don't think I was much help but I just wanted you to know I could relate to what you are going through.
In fact I've been doing it A LOT lately---we're planning a move from PA to FL. And it's stressful. And I guess I want to know that he's "all in".
So I push his buttons, and get shitty with him.
Makes sense, right?
Sometimes I feel like I WAS NOT this person before he did what he did. So even when I start the fight it's HIS fault.
That's not fair. I KNOW it isn't. Yet I still do it. I'm also PMSing...so everything, literally EVERYTHING has me on edge.
IC on monday can't come fast enough!
Why don't you move back to FL?
I used to be a very kind, compassionate, caring, and patient person. But now I just really have zero patience for anything at all, the stupidest little things will cause me to snap and get very angry. I also start fights a lot now. I will intentionally say something snide until it causes a discussion and then I will intentionally escalate it. I always feel bad afterwards, and I understand it is very counterproductive to R, and yet I find myself doing it without thinking.
I have begun to notice a pattern to the things that really set me off. Basically anything that has anything to do with being sympathetic to her. Example: She had the day off yesterday and so she layed out at the pool, she got burned on her back. She fixed dinner but was distracted by her Mom texting her and burned it and then asked for help, She lost her keys and needed help finding them, she took the dogs out and one got off the leash and she cried up at me to come help, she wanted me to put lotion on her burned back and got upset that I didn't do it right that second (not really mad, just a little put off), she has also been fighting a sinus infection so has been a bit whiny about that. Anyway normally none of these things would bother me, I usually help with dinner, we walk the dogs together, I'm usually pretty happy to have a chance to rub her down with lotion ect. Its just last night each and everyone of these things took me to a whole new level of pissed off, and I have no idea why??
Sorry if this seems like a T/J but I think its related, and any responses would be mutually beneficial for everyone here.
You never truly know what Shit creek looks like until you find yourself sitting in the middle of it without a paddle.