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My Disneydad reflections ...

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dmari posted 6/13/2013 02:54 AM

Listening to friends (you guys) share about Disneydad syndrome made me reflect on my situation. All throughout our marriage, stbx had been a disneydad. I didn't know that I could have and should have required more of him. He was fun dad ~ movies, video games, tv, toys (action figures) and comic books. He never cooked the kids one single meal in their life and they are teenagers. He never helped with homework once. He never took them to the doctor or took care of them when they were sick. But he was there when it came to the fun and easy stuff.

Not that I'm not fun but I can't play video games for crap. A while ago, my son tried to teach me how to play Halo and I sucked!! But you know what, I can sit with him and watch youtube videos of gameplay or trailers for new video games. Tonight we watched the trailer for Battlefield 4 and it was awesome!

I may not have the attention span for a movie and I can't believe how much movies are but if it's important to the kids, then of course we'll go and have a great time.

Thank goodness they are not into action figures and comic books because I don't think I could get into that.

When stbx walked out, within ten days he had bought them 2 video games. I think my kids know that it's not ONLY about the fun stuff. They really needed him to step up and be a parent and he won't. Now they both don't want anything to do with him and he has stopped trying.

So I think in my situation, stbx was always disneydad and since he left, how do you become even more disney-dad-ish? I guess you can't.

To my friends that are struggling with a disneydad/mom, be patient and keep doing what you are doing. In time, kids will figure it out themselves.

ButterflyGirl posted 6/13/2013 03:16 AM

I very much relate to your post. STBX was "fun," but never a real parent, no cooking, no cleaning, no homework, no teacher/doctor/dentist/eyeglass appointments, no real parenting or setting an example or teaching morals or how to handle difficult situations..

I don't see how he can become more Disneydadish either.. I only see his lacking in all the other areas becoming way more blatantly obvious..

But I must disagree with one thing in your post. I LOVE video games!! I could always run circles around STBX, and the boys and I spent more than 2 hours tonight playing Castlevania for the PS1. My boys WILL know the classic video games

Lola2kids posted 6/13/2013 07:32 AM

Same here. Never bathed them or changed diapers when they were babies, never cooked dinner for them (that was his mom's job). He very rarely takes them for an overnight unless his parents will also be there to pick up the slack.

He was always suggesting bike rides or going somewhere and got mad when I was busy doing something else (usually housework).

He took MOW's son to Disney World so I don't know if I can call him Disney Dad.

The results are happening. They don't ask to call him. They don't ask where he is or seem to miss him when he is gone. I think they already know they can't rely on him. They knew it long ago.

And talking about video games...
He bought them Skylanders for Wii at Christmas. He bought the wrong game and it won't work on our system. Has he exchanged it yet or bought them the right game? NOPE.

[This message edited by Lola2kids at 7:33 AM, June 13th (Thursday)]

ButterflyGirl posted 6/13/2013 09:07 AM

He bought them Skylanders for Wii at Christmas.

Come to think of it, my sister is a "Disney Aunt." She has bought them almost every last one of those characters.. And what do the spend more time playing with? Cut out characters from the cartoon "Total Drama," printed off Google images in black and white. The boys sit there for hours making teams and "eliminating" people. Those few sheets of paper was definitely money better spent..

I know my sister means well, but these "Disney" family members should really learn that sitting down and actually playing with the kids means so much more to them than buying them a toy to play with by themselves.. It can cost nothing to get them to love you..

Lola2kids posted 6/13/2013 09:16 AM

My sister (Disney Aunt) loves to buy them candy.

Sigh.

There is no use telling her (I have done it until I'm blue in the face). She keeps doing it.
I make sure I limit their sugar at home and try not to see her too often. The bad influences are right here in the family.

I hear you Butterfly Girl. The video games are good but their favourite game right now is office. They pretend they work in an office and use paper and staplers etc. They have a ball. Also they like to do makeovers with a small makeup kit that they got for Christmas.

[This message edited by Lola2kids at 9:26 AM, June 13th (Thursday)]

dmari posted 6/13/2013 11:55 AM

<3 you guys!!

@ ButterflyGirl: remind me never to challenge you in a video game!! I can't even figure out the controllers!! Soo much buttons!

ruinedandbroken posted 6/13/2013 21:40 PM

My XH used to help clean house, cook, and he did many infant feedings and diaper changes. He takes them overnight 8-10 nights a month and always has something fun planned (usually with someone named Jennifer or something) He's a shitty role model. He doesn't understand or care about their emotional well being or if they have morals or not. Hell, I don't even think he knows what morals are. He's never taken them to the dr. or dentist. He hasn't been with them when the are sick since he left. His focus is mainly on himself and using them to show off about what a great dad he is.

peridot posted 6/13/2013 23:54 PM

I guess it would be no surprise to any one here that my XH was never an involved parent, only when he had to be. Hell during the marriage he was only involved when he had to be.

That includes the fun times and the important times. He usually came home from work, ate dinner and went to the bedroom. He rarely spent any time with us.

During and after the divorce he was only disney dad. Even when he had the kids he would pawn them off on someone else or ignore them all together. I'm not sure that he ever spent any quality time with the kids. Now he's not even in their lives.

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