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He's threatened to have an affair

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makes me mad posted 6/13/2013 05:56 AM

I've tried to update my profile, my other half (been together 26 years) has got e mail addresses that he didn't tell me about, he said they're for forums he's on, and I found two bluetooth numbers on his phone when I went to downloads some pics from it, they've never been there before, he came up with some lame excuses for them and then changed the story, he told me I'm paranoid, mad and he would take me to a psychiatrist and to 'be careful' what I wish for,

I asked him he meant he would have an affair and he said 'yes'

So I told him to tell me when and I would pack his bags and he can fuck off,

I've got absolutely no money to buy a var and he's so computer savvy I've got no chance of a key logger

What kind of person threaten's to have an affair if they're asked perfectly reasonable questions?

windowsnotwalls posted 6/13/2013 05:59 AM

What kind of person threaten's to have an affair if they're asked perfectly reasonable questions?



Blobette posted 6/13/2013 06:02 AM

You already know the answer to this question - someone who's already cheating and is looking for a way to blame you for it. Is your H always so nasty and disrespectful? That alone is reason to question this relationship. Sorry, no time for a better response - just wanted you to feel heard.

makes me mad posted 6/13/2013 06:10 AM

Yes, Blobette, I said the same thing to him, I think it's the same ho worker we've been having rows about for the last 9 years, she was sent back to his company to help with redundancies and it's all gone downhill since then, no sex, etc etc, I'm trying to get money together to do something, I'm trapped at the moment. Thank you for answering, I've got no one to talk to, he told me I'm stupid as well

Bobbi_sue posted 6/13/2013 06:15 AM

I just read your profile. What is the reason you want to continue to be with this man? I don't mean to be so blunt, but I just don't see anything positive at all to work with.

itainteasy posted 6/13/2013 06:20 AM

You are NOT stupid.

makes me mad posted 6/13/2013 06:22 AM

He's spent years telling me how awful I am, I'm a nut etc, it's only since I've been reading here, I'm starting to get my head together, I'm getting my ducks in a row, I've believed everything he told me about myself.
I've been told I'm rubbish all my life so I believed it I'm afraid, it's taken me this long to detach from him, I just need someone to tell me I'm not mad, thanks for listening

itainteasy posted 6/13/2013 06:32 AM

You're not mad. Your husband is an asshole.

You're worth more than the shit he gives you.

painpaingoaway posted 6/13/2013 06:52 AM

Don't be afraid honey, we are here, holding your hand. Your WH is a monster...please disconnect from him, put money aside, see a lawyer, and prepare to leave. There is nothing to save in your marriage. Now, begin to save yourself by getting away from this asshole.

You are NOT awful or a nut, he is. Even if there was NO infidelity involved in this situation, I would still advise you to leave.

He sounds repulsive.

I am so sorry.

Stay strong.

((((Makes me mad))))

makes me mad posted 6/13/2013 06:58 AM

Thank you Itaint,and pain, your replies have made me cry, (in a nice way), I've only got this far because of all you wonderful wise SI peeps, I can't have any of the house, we are not married, he's never asked me, we've been together 26 years, I wish I'd have run for the hills years ago, thank you for your help, I am trying to make plans, (honestly!!)

itainteasy posted 6/13/2013 07:01 AM

Keep reading and posting here for strength. There are almost 40,000 of us in your corner.

Detach from him, and live your life until you can get away.

We're here for you.

nowiknow23 posted 6/13/2013 07:01 AM

You may not be married, but after 26 years, you may be common law. Check with a lawyer to see where you stand. ((((mad))))

makes me mad posted 6/13/2013 07:14 AM

Thank you, he's due for a redundancy soon, so I will get advice , I'm trying to get my paintings and jewellery sold again, so I'm having to play nice to an extent, I have been looking at houses where I used to live,

I don't need someone telling me what a piece of crap I am if I dare to ask him anything, he once told me "I only tell you things on a need to know basis" Well tough, same can work for me too, thank you all once again for your help and concern, you don't know what it means

stillsad1970 posted 6/13/2013 07:36 AM

Class act! My stbxil told people I was unstable, hOW told me I needed help when confronted about A. Amazing the people who they said these things to have all contacted me ,told me,and said I was the normal one. I always knew that, but great too hear. Pack his bag and kick him out before they make you question your sanity. And by the way after 3 months out doing Fabulous.
Happily BS 4 DD that I know.

windowsnotwalls posted 6/13/2013 07:38 AM

I don't need someone telling me what a piece of crap I am

No, you don't. No one does. I start my day over coffee reading through a few daily readers. One of this morning's is fitting, so I thought I'd share if for you.

Distorted Perceptions of Self
I was physically battered by my alcoholic father in the name of "discipline." He would tell me that I was bad and deserved a beating. It made an indelible impression on me as I was very young. As an adult, I continued to believe what my father had said. I brought my low self-esteem into my adult relationships. I chose to marry a man...from whom I received similar messages. I allowed myself to take on the blame and shame of his lusting and infidelities. I believed many of his blaming accusations and reproaches. These experiences added to my old belief, that I was bad and deserved to be mistreated. friends...helped me challenge these misperceptions. They helped me see the need to recover myself and to see myself accurately--with mercy and compassion....I am no longer taking on blame or responsibility for other people's choices. I no longer have to be so hard on myself. My recovery includes spending time with people who love me and accept me just as I am.

Reflections of Hope, p. 165

I read through the daily readings in the morning, and then I journal my plans for the day. From that reading, I made specific plans today to spend time with specific people I believe love me and accept me for who I am. What do you think you can do today to take some positive action to keeping this momentum going where you're challenging old perceptions and seeing yourself more accurately?

Big hugs. ((((MMM)))))))

[This message edited by windowsnotwalls at 7:41 AM, June 13th (Thursday)]

painpaingoaway posted 6/13/2013 07:41 AM

Do you have "common-law marriages" in the UK? Here, once people live together as man and wife for a certain number of years, they are considered common-law.

You are strong. You are awesome. You can do this!

makes me mad posted 6/13/2013 07:46 AM

Window and still, I've had great replies from everyone, and I love the daily reader,
today, I tried to get my local upmarket gift shop to show some of my upmarket jewellery, (haha) she promptly said no, without even asking to see them, bit upset then though, right, I will finish my painting today, a gallery is very interested in selling my work, so that's her loss.

I will promise to do this and not to wallow, he has sent me a really nice e mail ???? I haven't e mailed him nor texted him today. I will concentrate on my work, it's the only thing that makes me feel good, I know my work is good, no one can take that away from me, so, I will do my best and carry on, get my paintings sold and start getting some money together again thank you all again, you don't realise what it means when people are in despair to have virtual hugs and hand holding

itainteasy posted 6/13/2013 08:24 AM

you don't realise what it means when people are in despair to have virtual hugs and hand holding

But we do.
All of us here have needed that at some point.


Take2 posted 6/13/2013 08:36 AM

The really nice email is because you haven't contacted him. Shields up - it's "hoover" time.

Can you put your stuff on Etsy?

sailorgirl posted 6/13/2013 08:44 AM

((makes me mad))

You are sane and strong. What you have lived through is emotional abuse which is devastating. I hope you can get counseling for you and your son. In the meantime, there are lots of great books and websites for survivors of abuse.

Continue to focus on yourself, you children, your work etc. Do not allow him to drag you back into any kind of relationship. He is toxic and will not change.

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