I am sorry for everything. Even though I think your decision is wrong and very selfish I will respect it. It was wrong and selfish decisions of mine that got us here. I will forever regret those. You think I cheated you out of your life and yet you are cheating me out of my life plus the ones I love. I feel I no longer have a purpose in life. An opportunity to show you how much love I have for you is all I have asked for. I don't understand why that is asking so much. I never saw how negative my actions would affect others. I hope that you look at that and reconsider your decision that will devastate all of us. I love you and only you. Please have a heart and let us live
I don't know about your husband.
I think one way to know if he is 'for real' in what he texted you is to continue with your plans to file for D. Tell him that you will watch his actions and let that 'tell' you what you need to know.
But then again, I don't know him and how he 'works'.
I wish you the best, and HUGS to you!
I will not be vanquished. Rose Kennedy
I'm so sorry. Carry on with D.
"I I I mine I I me my I I I I I I I my I I"
That's all I see when I read his text. He thinks YOUR decision is wrong and selfish????? Really?
Your decision is not what is going to "devastate all of us." HIS ACTIONS are the source of the devastation. My thoughts are that he is a selfish asshole who can't stand the thought of you moving on and taking care of yourself. I saw a grumpy cat meme a couple of weeks ago that summed up my feelings. "If you were on fire and I had a glass of water, I would drink it."
Tried to edit to add spaces between all of the "I"s but it won't work. He wrote "I" FOURTEEN times in that text.
And a total of 4 variations of "me" "Mine" or "My".
[This message edited by HFSSC at 9:57 AM, June 13th (Thursday)]
IMHO he has a whole lot of growing up to do. I would not consider R with this man at this stage.
I'm so sorry for your pain.
He shit allllll over that.
And now he is calling YOU selfish for refusing to put up with a serial cheating husband?
That's not selfish..it's healthy.
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
So what you are saying in a nutshell is that you are sorry and I am a cold hearted bitch that is ruining your life and the kids and I should feel terribly guilty and stay married to you no matter how much you lie or hurt me? That is how I read your email. Manipulating me into staying with you.
I said that I think you are making the wrong decision. I have no choice but to respect your decision. I still think it is wrong and will hurt everyone involved. I made terrible mistakes and wish I could erase them. I want to make a good life for all of us. You will do whatever you decide. If we divorce it will cause tremendous pain just as bad or worse than I caused. I want to fix things so there is no more pain for anyone. You are acting out of anger and negative emotions. Two wrongs don't make a right. Let us correct our marriage instead of throwing it away. Sorry I am so stubborn on all of this. Anything and everything of value in my life rides on your decision. Please consider the alternative of working things out.
Oh FUCK THAT GUY! Selfish, crybaby, loser A-Hole!!!
eta: and a serial cheater, just like my stbxwh. The only thing that will change in this scenario is that you aren't taking the crap anymore.
Cheating is what he does.
[This message edited by MyReturn2Me at 10:26 AM, June 13th (Thursday)]
He is blame shifting. He's acting like he didn't make a choice in his decisions before, and like he doesn't have a choice how he acts now. I call major bullshit..
I'm so sorry, but it really sounds like he wants out of this relationship, but he wants it to be your fault instead of his. I see no promises there of what he would do to make things better or make up for what he did. He only wants to throw the blame around until it sticks anywhere but him..
I would say you can't even reason with him at this stage. My advice would be to go dark. I swear, it's like we keep telling them the sky is blue, and they keep trying to convince us it's green. All this gas lighting and blame shifting is crazy making, so for your sanity, it's best not to engage at all. He knows its his fault, he just doesn't want to admit it..
NC, 180, and I would advise you to continue on with your plan to talk to a lawyer. Perhaps he will wake the hell up, snap out of the fog, and start promising and actually doing things to take responsibility and make up for what he did. But if he continues to come at you with blaming and anger and hatred and bullshit reasons why this is your fault instead of his, then he has no remorse and talking to a lawyer was the best next move..
See a lawyer, get half the money, go no contact and kick him to the curb. If you don't the rest of your life will be like this. Is that what you want???
If the former, I can tell you that this text rivals some of the worst of the pathologically me-me-me!-centric stuff my personality-disordered ex came up with.
If the latter, I have nothing, other than perhaps to point out that, given your recent membership on the site, you're in early days---and it is possible for a foggy WS to come around, with time, to become a safe, reliable spouse. It takes hard, hard work----and a VERY motivated WS.
You do not have that very motivated WS yet. Will you? I don't know. You can't live life on what might be, though.
Proceed with your plans. Filing is not irreversible. If your husband really wants to become the husband you deserve, and is intent on proving this to you, he will, whether you've consulted with an attorney and filed, or not.
If he's willing to do the hard work to become a better man, to move forward with you constructively in life, he will.
I, you're wrong, you're very selfish, I, I, I, me, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I
"devestate all of us"
ummmm... no, not you.
14 I's in 12 sentences.
Oh, and you filing for a divorce is the same as his cheating? I think not.
I think a simple "I'm sorry you feel that way, it must be very hard for you." Is more than enough. You could throw in a "It's hard sometimes to face the consequences of our actions."
So there you go. Two votes for that one.
For you this has been a 14 year disaster in the making. He blames you, yet verbalizes that things are his fault. You can't have both!!! Either it is his fault, or it isn't, period.
He tells you that he is trying because he has a job and isn't drinking. Oh, for Pete's sake!!! How really special, right? The rest of the world has a job and doesn't drink to addiction, but he should be rewarded for doing the bare minimum that a responsible adult does? Nope, he doesn't get a gold star!
Considering his thought patterns and behavior you will never be able to give him enough attention, "put out" enough, or have a Holy enought M (WTF?) for him to be faithful and responsible.
As to you thinking that your resentments causing your husband's affiars, it is just stinking thinking! Your husband failed to provide, was lazy, disrespectful, crude, accusatory, drunk, a womanizer, a philanderer, and adulterer and a porn imbibing fool. If ANYONE deserved to have an affair it would have been you.
The fact that he equates your action of divorce to be as damaging as all of what he has, and hasn't done, is mind blowing! Obviously this man hasn't hit bottom yet. If the divorce action hasn't woken him up, completely, nothing will! NOTHING!
Your husband doesn't even accept responsibility for his harmful behaviors in conversation, how can you possibly expect him to accept repsonsibility and change his behavior? You can't! If he doesn't change how he thinks, nothing changes.
As to his claim that everyone will hurt worse because of the divorce? Stinking thinking on his part. It is like cancer, it must be excised and treated before one can consider themselves on the path to healing. I know this to be true. He hasn't just harmed you he has jeopardized everything that you hold dear, your mental and physical health, your heart, your children and their lifestyles and developing attitudes, and your childrens' and your peace of mind. Considering that he hasn't changed, your only recourse is to excise the rotten, stinking disease.
But fucking anything that moves, does?