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Chefj9 posted 6/13/2013 09:04 AM

How to do I process the feelings about that???

It terrifies me that she is still waiting for him. He's not doing a single thing to indicate that he wants her. He's actually doing everything to prove that he wants me, our marriage and to never be the man he was. That is not the life he wants, he knows he's sick and wants only to get better. He received his "one month chip" last night!!

But just knowing that she's out there lurking and waiting un-nerves me.

2married2quit posted 6/13/2013 09:27 AM

Do you know for sure about this? Don't be threatened. Strengthen your marriage and it will be secure.

Beemer posted 6/13/2013 09:37 AM

I know for a fact that my WH's OW is still pining away for him... it's pathetic. But as much as it pisses me off, I really try not to let it bother me - the mantra around here is "I can only control myself" - if he someday decides that he wants to be with her, then there's really nothing I can do about it... and if she is so alluring that her ridiculous and pathetic attempts at wooing him actually work... then they deserve each other.

I know it sucks - stay strong ((chefj9))

SisterMilkshake posted 6/13/2013 09:58 AM

*sigh* The OW stalked and fished for my FWH for 8 years after the affair ended. (I didn't find out until year 6 that he had an affair. )

2013 ~ so far OW has not contacted or attempted contact as far as we know. Although the hang up calls from blocked numbers are suspicious.

Since my FWH didn't go back to OW for the six years that I wasn't aware of the affair, I guess I have it a little easier knowing that FWH doesn't want to be with OW. It didn't unnerve me to know that OW still wanted my FWH. It made me smile to think OW was pining away for my FWH and we made wonderful mind movies for OW to obsess about.

Enjoy the fact that he is with you, Chefj9, and that he is working towards a better him and a better, stronger marriage.

(((Chefj9))))

Chefj9 posted 6/13/2013 10:43 AM

Do you know for sure about this?

Unfortunately because she was posting it on FB everyday. I don't look anymore, because I KNOW it just feeds my insecurities, but she was NOT shy about posting her feelings. And when I was in contact with her, she told me in every email (as she was disclosing details) that he always had a place with her and that she just "couldn't believe it was all a lie". She even went so far as to mimick me, and my hair color and style.

As far as WH is concerned, she's a whack job and he literally gets physical ill when she's the topic of discussion. I don't worry about him as much as I worry about her showing up at my door wearing adult diapers and a hand gun.

Enjoy the fact that he is with you, Chefj9, and that he is working towards a better him and a better, stronger marriage

I do take pleasure in knowing he is with me, working on himself and us. It is such an extreme transformation that I see happening that I sometimes am very akward with it all. Our MC said that was normal, because who he's becoming, wasn't my normal before, that'll it just take time to adjust. Everyday is a tiny step forward.

Edith posted 6/13/2013 10:48 AM

I'm not surprised. Most OW are a big bag of WANT.

Maybe send her a copy of Leann Rimes's new album and let her pine away. Your issue is with your H, and OW will eventually move on to some other poor idiot. Good luck.

E.

Chefj9 posted 6/13/2013 10:50 AM

Edith - I actually thought about mailing her that CD, and several "self help" books!

Pudding posted 6/13/2013 10:53 AM

I imagine that mine does too.

That's part of the pain they have to live with for taking our WSs in the first place. Every action has consequences. That's their problem not ours. If we are working effectively on R, our relationship with our FWSs can only get better and we will get happier OW is still pining, they are only going to get more miserable. I know which person I would rather be. Let her pine for what she can't have. Let her stay miserable whilst your relationship with FWH gets better

SisterMilkshake posted 6/13/2013 11:00 AM

I don't worry about him as much as I worry about her showing up at my door wearing adult diapers and a hand gun.
Yes, I totally understand this. OW in my sitch is a junior bunny boiler. OW stalked FWH/us. Showed up at weird places, ran FWH off the road, sent messages to him over the radio. I am very careful always looking all around me to see who is in my space. Very careful just walking out my front door. I am sorry that you are going through that, too, Chefj9.

TrustGone posted 6/13/2013 11:21 AM

Yes. I have the same issue with OW. As far as I know she hasn't had contact since April, but I know she is still out there pinning away for him. She can't let go of the fantasy that she created in her own mind. I guarantee she would get tired of him really quickly if she had to put up with his real issues. All she sees is the guy that asked her to marry him, when all he rreally wanted was a fantasy porn sex life with her.

Williesmom posted 6/13/2013 11:23 AM

The OW in my case told me "I get what I want, and I want him". Spoiled much?

Well, she didn't get him. He's with a different bar whore now.

DecimatedHeart posted 6/13/2013 11:32 AM

She even went so far as to mimick me, and my hair color and style.

Small t/j - but what is up with that? I have read that a lot on SI, and shortly after D-Day, OW posted a picture of a car she wanted to buy - the exact model and color of mine. WH has even told me that OP was 'so much like me' that I have wondered if it is intentional.

Try not to give her headspace. Focus on you and yours. If you WH is doing the right things and working towards R, then the hell with her. She is irrelevant. :)

callmecrazy posted 6/13/2013 11:32 AM

Mines having a hard time with the rejection Im giving him with my coldness...yes dear, sorry I rejected you after you rejected our entire life for your "friends"...excuse me for not stopping and hugging while I choose to not give a crap.

itainteasy posted 6/13/2013 12:03 PM

That whore can want in one hand and shit in the other and see which one fills up first.

She can pine away all she wants. She's going to be lonely.

Mousse242 posted 6/13/2013 12:06 PM

Was a no contact letter sent? If her behavior is harassment, look at legal venues to take against her, etc.

Otherwise - ignore. Make sure your FWH has orders at his employer that he will not take calls from her or that she is not allowed on the premises, etc. - and the same for you. Sounds like she could turn into a bunny boiler (as in if you were out of the picture she could have him kind of way).

Chefj9 posted 6/13/2013 12:29 PM

She can't let go of the fantasy that she created in her own mind. I guarantee she would get tired of him really quickly if she had to put up with his real issues. All she sees is the guy that asked her to marry him, when all he rreally wanted was a fantasy porn sex life with her.

I could have written that sentence. My WH also asked her to marry him (no intention of following through. She was also into some pretty deviant sexual stuff that WH WAS NOT into. But as a SA, he couldn't walk away. I'm reading about that, trying to wrap my head around that part....

Small t/j - but what is up with that? I have read that a lot on SI
It was really bizarre, I saw all of this mimicking going on via FB (she's blocked now). Every thing I did on FB, she countered with a post or picture identical to mine. We don't look anything alike, we are very much opposites. If she hadn't stopped cyber stalking, we were about to get a restraining order. I don't know what she's doing now, because I don't look. It took me some time to get to that point, and there are days when it brings me to the brink of anxiety wanting to see what she's up too, but that's not where my focus needs to go.

Was a no contact letter sent? If her behavior is harassment, look at legal venues to take against her, etc.
Otherwise - ignore. Make sure your FWH has orders at his employer that he will not take calls from her or that she is not allowed on the premises, etc. - and the same for you. Sounds like she could turn into a bunny boiler (as in if you were out of the picture she could have him kind of way).

Yes, a NC email was sent. It didn't matter. We have looked into restraining orders, but so far we've not had to issue anything. But yes, she was on the path to certified bunny boiler, I think her friends pulled her off the ledge finally. But I also know that she was willing to leave her children to move to here to be with WH, so how far from the edge she is... who knows. But I could see her showing up. And I also don't think she's the type that's going to fade away with time. Just like SisterMilkShake.... this one is a cling-on.

crazyblindsided posted 6/13/2013 12:58 PM

if he someday decides that he wants to be with her, then there's really nothing I can do about it... and if she is so alluring that her ridiculous and pathetic attempts at wooing him actually work... then they deserve each other.

this is exactly how I feel. If he wants the loser, have at her.

I know for a fact that if I were to D my life would only improve.

Chefj9 posted 6/13/2013 13:07 PM

That whore can want in one hand and shit in the other and see which one fills up first.
She can pine away all she wants. She's going to be lonely.

I don't think OW is a whore, but I do agree with the other part of your comment....LOL

Hunter23 posted 6/13/2013 14:21 PM

The OW in my case sent naked pics of herself playing with "massagers" to several people, my WH included. I don't want to flatter my WH, but I'm fairly sure he's always been her #1 draft pic. I'd seen her flirt with him for years. Their 4 week sexting romp started when she whispered sweet nothings in his ear after pouring him high octane drinks and getting him polluted to the point he couldn't walk. Did I mention we were gathered at her shithole house to mourn the loss of her aunt, who was the mother of my best friend? Yup, that was when she saw her chance.

WH has said that while she's never said anything specific, he knows she still wants him. As if that weren't bad enough, her husband just lost his 3rd job in 2 months and now she wants a divorce. This should be interesting. Maybe she thinks this will be all my WH needs to leave me and run off with her into the sunset. With her 2 messed up kids from 2 messed up dads. And the 10's of thousands of dollars in credit card debt.

I worry about a lot of things with my marriage and our future. But not her. Believe me, she's not the girl his buddies would high - five him about...

Chefj9 posted 6/13/2013 14:31 PM

Hunter23 - Regardless of what WH and OW have said, I'm convinced that one of the reasons she divorced her H was so she would be unattached and available for WH when ever he was ready to leave. It also afforded her a LOT more freedom to travel with WH and be with him. She'd never admit it, because it certainly didn't work out for her, but that had to be a motivator in there.

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