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Newest Member: Ladyblue61 (61463)

User Topic: Detaching
♀ 38924
Member # 38924
Default  Posted: 9:35 AM, June 13th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Anyone else feel like they are detaching from WS?

He already broke my heart and I feel like I'm getting over him. Not to mention he had been breaking my heart during his 3 year long PA's and I can remember phone calls with him and I"m crying while he's telling me "it's not my problem" that we're so distant...It's funny how I look back on those moments.

I don't know how he can stay when I will NEVER look at him, trust him, love him, or care about him the same.

He did those things with no regard for the aftermath.

Now, he's trying 110%? FTG. I don't think so. My anger is here for a good reason.

We have MC today. Whoopee (sarcastic).

Me-37 Ws-37
2 kids
Dday Nov 2012, TT for a year.
Reconciling for the third time in 4 years.

Posts: 972 | Registered: Apr 2013
♀ 35812
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 12:25 PM, June 13th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, I detatched from my FWH for some time. I had to, for my own mental health. He knew I was doing that too. I had made the decision to be there, while I detatched, because he was so clinically depressed that I was actually not convenced that he would not kill himself. So while I stayed, to work on R and keep tabs on him, I was also not fully present for him and I really didn't give a rat's patootie about that. He was left in limbo-land, wondering if, when his ADs kicked in, I would pack up or pack him up. And to quote your WH, it wasn't my problem.

And it's not YOUR problem if your detatchment makes him feel uneasy. So Sad, Too Bad. If he complains about you doing what you need to do to keep yourself together, being the somewhat nasy person i can be, I'd probably throw that phrase back in his teeth.

Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012

Posts: 10034 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
♀ 35215
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 1:35 PM, June 13th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't know how he can stay when I will NEVER look at him, trust him, love him, or care about him the same.

I know what you mean. I don't think my WH REALLY understands that the M will NEVER be the same. My WH doesn't even resemble the man I first met. What I see now is a very broken man who has a long way to go to fix himself. He is someone who is capable of inflicting a lot of hurt on those he loves. I have realized patterns of his behavior that I never could understand before (PA and NPD tendencies).

BS/FWS (me):43 Madhatter
WS/BS:46 Serial Cheater
Together 20 years, Married 15
DD(13) DS(10)
DDay(s) Too many to count
False R 7/11/14 Same OW2
"Never seek validation from those who are unworthy."

Posts: 4086 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
Topic Posts: 3

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