So, he showed me, didn't he? The ultimate fuck you action. I told him, "you showed me, didn't you?" It felt pretty good to say it.
IMO,betraying your spouse is the ultimate "fuck you." It doesn't get much worse,does it?(God I hope not)
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
Oh, trust me, I was / am not perfect. But that disgusting behavior did not involve me in any way. My only involvement was to stay after I knew he was the kind of person that could do such a thing.
Remember, I said I'm not perfect!
I will not be vanquished. Rose Kennedy
I will never understand why my WH felt so much anger towards me, but he did because I too recall during his A of being shunned, picked apart and snapped at. Then when DDay hit it was like an explosion.
I remember asking WH, "How could you even wipe your ass with the toilet paper that I BUY YOU, while you knowingly were fucking her?"
I am a fWS who had a RA and my A was definitely driven by anger and very bad coping skills, along with FOO and other issues
Of course he doesn't get that though......
I didn't sleep with her, my rep is still in tact. He on the other hand is a male ho' and they are a dime a dozen. He lowered his status, not mine.
Ha in his deepest depravity he used to tell me I could just leave. It's a new day. His biggest fear is that I may cuckhold him. I know my worth!
[This message edited by ifinallyfoundme at 4:45 PM, June 13th (Thursday)]
My H's A's weren't about me at all. He was all sorts of screwed up at the time. I'm so glad to say, he is SOOO much better now, and healthier, and it's wonderful.
WH is offended that I won't celebrate our anniversary any more.
Our 25th anniversary he promised to take me on a 3 day get away. I arranged the babysitter. Didn't happen. He ran out the night before and got some cheap ($80) diamond earrings.
At this point he was on Match.com
Our 26th anniversary he promised to make up for what happened the year before. We set the date for the trip (7 days after our actual anniversary), I arrange the babysitter. I tell him where I want to go. The date rolls around... and he blew me off. Why? Because on our actual anniversary he was sexting with his girlfriend and planning their fuck fest which he left for 2 weeks after our anniversary.
I told WH that what he did was a nuclear F-you towards me and our marriage and our wedding vows. Why should I respect that date when he didn't.
His response: Why are you throwing away 25 good years because I acted bad for a short period of time?
Me: Because YOU threw away 25 good years when you acted bad.
I am supposed to still find meaning in the date despite the fact that he found so much meaning in it that he blew off our anniversary trip 2 years in a row, sexted and planned his sex holiday with his girlfriend on the actual date and then went on the trip with his girlfriend only a few days after when we were supposed to have been coming back from ours.
I am actually having a really hard time with this today.
As for my RA, that was definitely a big fat f.u.. Not that he even knows, we had separated when I started mine, but I know and my intent was to hurt him at least as much as he'd hurt me.
edited to add: Yes, I realize that also makes me a shit heel.
[This message edited by Vulcanized at 7:43 PM, June 13th (Thursday)]
Now: happy in life, happily in love with the RIGHT man
Everything is as it should be.
While the lies are self protective for sure, they also can be an extremely fucked up way to shield, for some. Not all, but some.
My affair, hell yeah. Huge fuck you but then again I told him a year before I ever did it. Didn't hide it. Gave him the same choices (of course he'd already exercised that option ). That's the ONLY way it would have worked for me. Otherwise, what would be the point? I wanted him to see it. Hiding it would have not had the desired affect.
'til the roof comes off. 'til the lights go out. 'til my legs give out, can't shut my mouth