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Newest Member: Sadlymistaken (61548)

User Topic: I'm Crazy! Help
♀ 39214
Member # 39214
Default  Posted: 10:52 AM, June 13th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Why am I thinking I want another baby from WH ....what the hell! I don't get it ? I get wrapped up in the ups of R that I go on I want to make a baby mode ( I'm on the shot) but still I know very well that its no where near a good time if ever! On top of that we agreed to stop at two before the ONS ....anybody think crazy like this ...



Posts: 278 | Registered: May 2013
♀ 26465
Member # 26465
Default  Posted: 11:00 AM, June 13th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Please do not go off the shot at this time. I would not recommend another child for atleast 2 years after an affair or ONS! JMO..
I recommend counseling for the both of you. Don't sweep this under the rug. He had a ONS he needs to figure out why.. You can't fix him by giving him a possible son. He needs to fix himself.

There are degrees to which you let people back into your life and degrees to which you let them back into your heart-which, of course, are not the same thing

Posts: 3225 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Indiana
♀ 39230
Member # 39230
Default  Posted: 11:16 AM, June 13th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hurtz, I agree to wait. I think what you are feeling is similar to hysterical bonding, you are wanting to "claim" him as yours again.... It's more a biological response that a rational decision.

My marital history is similar to yours, only I'm much older now.... So I feel this is the first post I may have something to contribute--
H and I met in 9th grade. Married 3 days after I turned 18. Had DS1 at 19, DS2 at 21. I too had two young children when I was 23. We decided to,stop then. I had a surprise pregnancy and had a daughter 10 years later, when I was 30.

First: being a parent at 30 is sooooo much easier and more rewarding. We struggled in those early days. I couldn't go back to school, I tried, just too hard. I finally did in my late 20's. but until then I was dependent on him.
Second: my H affair happened after we had been married 23 years (we are almost at 26). I was one of those that said it would be a deal breaker, yet when it happened, I stayed. However, looking back, if it had happened during our early days, I would have left. After time goes by, with memories and history, it's harder to leave, it's harder to give up.

I think my point is, you have PLENTY of childbearing years left, you have plenty of time to work on your marriage, make sure it is stable, and then decide to have another child. In the meantime, as your daughters get older, go to school, get a career or some work skills. Even if you are a SAHM, have a back up plan. You already know from experience that things happen to disrupt your world. Plan for it, make sure you have a life for you, if needed.

The age difference in the children isn't bad, I know many families prefer their children to be close in age. My daughter is 9 & 11 years younger than her brothers, and they are very close. They come and take her places, they have been a huge support for her during our issues. Don't discount the power of sibling bonding and support because of age difference.

Work on your marriage for now. Work on you. A third child makes you as a couple "outnumbered" and creates it's own stress, lol. There's always time for another.....
Good luck, I hope with all my heart that you two make it. "High school sweetheart" stories are best told by couples who are still together well into retirement age....

Posts: 41 | Registered: May 2013 | From: California
♀ 39337
Member # 39337
Default  Posted: 11:24 AM, June 13th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I understand where you are coming from. I had a baby who was 3 days old on DDAY, then I had another baby 21 months later. I'm not sure if it was a good idea or bad idea. I did the hysterical bonding sex thing when I found out, and the second baby was probably part of that, but I don't regret that baby of course.

BS (me) 43
WS (him) 48
Married 25 years
Reconciling for 12 years
DDAY 01-16-01
A with my best friend
Lots of children from 24-4 weeks old

Posts: 62 | Registered: May 2013
♀ 19636
Member # 19636
Default  Posted: 12:28 PM, June 13th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We have a beautiful 5 year old who was a shock and awe (wayyyy beyond suprise) as a result of birth control failure during HB.

We would not trade her for anything, but the shock, the hormones, the big fat pregnancy body image, sleepless nights, leaky breasts, etc. did nothing to make R any easier.

And out teenagers were mortified at us

BW - Reconciling

edited for typos (I always have to!)

Posts: 3842 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Midwest
♀ 38924
Member # 38924
Default  Posted: 3:15 PM, June 14th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That is crazy!

I NEVER ever want to have another baby from my H. That was the pushing factor to his PA's! NEVER EVER. Even though I secretly want one more. No way. I'm not doing it.

Me-37 Ws-37
2 kids
Dday Nov 2012, TT for a year.
Reconciling for the third time in 4 years.

Posts: 972 | Registered: Apr 2013
Topic Posts: 6

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