At a year out...it is realizing that I have addressed those issues and now have to sit back and pray that it is enough. That I am enough. That our family is enough.
Also, knowing that if it happens again it will fall squarely on his shoulders. It will mean that he is broken beyond repair and I will leave.
What is the hardest part for you?
I guess we are in R because we are trying to fix our M, but it is a decision I have to make everyday.
If I ask my WH now, what could I have done differently to prevent this, because I felt like I did everything possible to make him happy. He has told me NOW (not in the past) that he was happy with me and loved me very much, but that he's an addict and it wasn't about me or our M.
I have a difficult time understanding the addiction (still learning). I am a logical thinker, and when I apply my logic to his actions, they don't add up. It's very frustrating.
The A was not about you. It was about an inability to connect with you. And then choosing to find validation elsewhere.
No marriage is without challenges and I commend you for working on you and how you can be a stronger partner.
I too struggled with "being good enough" - my thinking well if I wasn't good enough before then why am I now? I questioned that for a long time.
The hardest part for me was trusting that it was real. That I was setting myself up to get hurt again if I let my guard down and started to trust.
It was also really hard for me to get past my anger. A year after DDay I was suddenly really pissed off that I had to deal with it all.
I was no longer scared of losing him or our marriage I was just mad. Mad that he could have done this and mad that I was still hurting.
Luckily the anger did subside but it was scary.
Good question. Good luck to you.
The 2nd hardest part is the risk. He's a risky dude. An addict (sober now) and someone who had two As. That is some risky business right there. But I also believe risk is a huge part of an interesting, fruitful life. Not to say I WANT this particular risk. I don;t. But I'm hopeful it is a risk that will pay off.
can't forgive myself for staying
It took me a long, long time to deal with this. I agree. Hardest.
The hardest part for me is getting past the part where I feel like I'm betraying myself for staying. My WH broke NC many times with MOW and has not been entirely remorseful. I just feel really taken advantage of.
Couldn't have said it better myself.