I think I just did all my mourning after DDay. By the time I was ready to say "I want a D" I was done with that. I waited for awhile after separation (which was a year in April) for the feelings to hit, but they never did and I am sure now that they won't. I am wistful sometimes about what could have been, but my focus is on the future and the present, which is pretty damned awesome just at the moment.
Healthy detachment. Its a good thing. :)
WH and I went out the other night and I felt similar to how you do - like he is an acquaintance (or even a stranger). I agree, it is a really strange place to be in, as I have spent my entire adult life with this man (20 years).
It may be a defense mechanism if you are numb and suppressing.
But if you have processed through the anger, grief, etc. and are finally to acceptance/detachment, you're in a really good place!
Me: FBS (no longer betrayed nor a spouse)-62
D-day: 2007 (two years before finding SI)
S: 6/2010; D: 3/2011
That said, I do understand that you'd be worried about post-trauma effects. I say just try to bask in it if you can.
What feelings do you think you should have?
I guess I feel like I should be sad or missing him at least a little, but there is nothing. That doesn't bother me, but it is a bit disconcerting that I feel so removed from the last twelve years of my life. He has had a really hard time adjusting to my distance. One word answers to page long messages, etc. I just don't care.
My IC told me I had already grieved the end of my M years ago. I know she is right, I just didn't expect to feel like the whole thing was a reality show that happened to someone else.