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I have been feeling relatively well lately, but today it suddenly hit me again. Out of nowhere, the sudden panic and anxiety came on today. I just don’t know how much more of this I can take. He does everything perfectly. He tells me where he is every second of every day, he holds me when I am upset about it, he always notices even when I try to hide it and he will take me aside and ask if I am okay. He is always sweet to me. I just think back to what he did and I can’t imagine staying with someone who could have been so evil to the mother of his children. Then my paranoia kicks in and I think, “ Maybe he is lying again. He is only acting sweet to cover things up again.” I feel like a FULL ON crazy person. I am about 10 mos from d-day and almost 6 mos into true reconciliation. I think the false reconciliation hurt me the most and turned me into this crazy person. My stomach is in knots! Will it ever go away? Today I told him I wanted to move out of the county to get away from all of the memories. Funny thing is he is all for it!
Well, just wondering if anybody else still feels like a pscho this far into reconciliation. Will I ever feel like a normal person again?

I just feel like I need to do something to ease this pain. I need closure. I want so badly to confront her, write her a letter, go get the damn car he gave her back. I am about to explode. Why do I always have to be the better person?

Breath, calm down. I know exactly how you feel cause I went thru exactly the same thing. Anxiety is a normal part of what you have been handed. You are NOT crazy. Take care of yourself. Get proper sleep, eat well, exercise. The only way to get rid of anxiety is to go to your happy place, refocus and tell yourself all will be okay.

I know the ppl who monitor here may delete my comment because of this link, but this helped me a lot. It's just a video with some music and images for EMDR. (zero commercial stuff). But it helped me calm down from the anxiety. Hugs...

http://youtu.be/v5IRwMqZSMg

Thank you. :)

No advice but just a bit of, "I hear you". I've been having panic attacks too and its horrible. My WH is being great too (just made me a cup of tea because I'm feeling so anxious) but I still feel rough. *hug*

I feel like this all the time! I'm only 1 week into R. What I've found that helps with my anxiety and panic attacks is music. If I feel it coming on I put my headphones in, whether at home or at work, and listen to the inspirational music I have on my phone. I actually posted something about "what songs inspire you" in the divorce/separation forum. If you think it's something that would help you, look it up! There are a lot of great songs listed that have really helped me cope with my feelings.

Hope things get better for you. Take into heart that you see he is trying! Triggers are horrible.....I still have to tell my WH what those triggers are because we are so early into the R.

Hugs to you! You can do this

Oh your not the only one...i get like this to. im 15 months out and do well for a few days then start obsessing about the past and anxity kicks in. i also have wished we could move because i see the OW everywhere in town, school, etc. you just want to move on and trust again but not so easy.

Just wanted to say, I know how you feel. Me too. It all goes well for a few weeks and then wham

Someone commented on one of my posts that you have to go through it to come out of it and that is proving helpful to me just now.

Be kind to yourself. You are doing well. Yes these moment come, but they go too, and each time it happens more time passes. They become less and less and then you realize hey I haven't had a panic attack in a long dang time.

I would try to focus on the here and now, and really think about H's actions, and what he was doing now compared to the A** he was during the A. Sometimes I felt the need to snoop, and I would, and each time I found nothing it made me stronger, and more willing to trust.

If you are having anger toward ow and you want to contact her, write her a nasty letter, calling her all the names you want, rant rave, and curse her. Then destroy it. It is quite cathartic. I did this and would either burn the letter or shred it into a million pieces after.

Now nearly 5 years out I know she is a sad broken person, and don't care one damn thing about her.

Healing takes time. Try to be patient with yourself.