I know the ppl who monitor here may delete my comment because of this link, but this helped me a lot. It's just a video with some music and images for EMDR. (zero commercial stuff). But it helped me calm down from the anxiety. Hugs...
Hope things get better for you. Take into heart that you see he is trying! Triggers are horrible.....I still have to tell my WH what those triggers are because we are so early into the R.
Hugs to you! You can do this
Someone commented on one of my posts that you have to go through it to come out of it and that is proving helpful to me just now.
I would try to focus on the here and now, and really think about H's actions, and what he was doing now compared to the A** he was during the A. Sometimes I felt the need to snoop, and I would, and each time I found nothing it made me stronger, and more willing to trust.
If you are having anger toward ow and you want to contact her, write her a nasty letter, calling her all the names you want, rant rave, and curse her. Then destroy it. It is quite cathartic. I did this and would either burn the letter or shred it into a million pieces after.
Now nearly 5 years out I know she is a sad broken person, and don't care one damn thing about her.
Healing takes time. Try to be patient with yourself.