[This message edited by stunnedin12 at 4:44 PM, June 13th (Thursday)]
The afternoon my older children confronted him after finding out, I have patchy recollections of grabbing my husband's shirt and saying, "You will fix this. You will fix this now! I swear I'll hunt you down if you don't. You won't hurt my babies this way."
I don't remember his face as I said it. I don't remember collapsing afterwards.
My husband cries in his sleep two or three times a week since then. When I wake him up, it's always a dream about that afternoon and our faces as we looked at him.
The pain does start over every time, but worse. We don't get practiced at DDs, we get injury on top of injury.
Continue to give yourself time to make decisions that best suit YOU in every way
With the first one, there was hope that the A would end, and he would work more at the M. But with more D-Days comes the realization that he really cares more for himself than me or the M. It left me with no choice but to accept that the M was over.
I think that's why it was worse with the D-Days after the first one. I knew then the M was done.
Walk a Mile In My Shoes
Married 14 yrs. Now Separated & in NC
2 grown DD's - his from previous M
4 grown kids (2DS, 2DD) mine from previous M
Me: FBS (no longer betrayed nor a spouse)-62
D-day: 2007 (two years before finding SI)
S: 6/2010; D: 3/2011
I feel your pain. Like you, every time I believed when he said that was all he had to confess. I cannot stress how important MC/IC is. I didn't believe it at first as I was blinded by pain. But, now, we're closer than ever and he's close to a 360 turnaround.
If I could be thankful for anything, it's that he didn't love any of them. I guess I have that going for me. lol. Because he loved booze first. ha.
The first one was my biggest hit because I never in a million years imagined he'd do this to us. After that, it was a long, staggering journey of pain until the truth was finally uncovered.
Unfortunately, I didn't have SI. We did not address his issues or behavior. He said "sorry", I said "ok" and we basically rugswept everything. It did take about a year to get the mind movies out of my head everytime we had sex. I was his only when we married.
Fast forward to April 2012 - what is listed as DDay 1 in my signature. Until then, I had all but forgotten about the ONS in 2006. Our marriage was great - so I thought. But in 2012, he's telling me that he loves this person that he's never touched. He left a 20 year relationship for a long distance internet affair. I was devestated - and 2006 came back up. Now I think he's had 2 OW.
After 10 months of separation, he moved home in February. In April (2 months ago) I find evidence of another OW in between the 2 that I know about. When confronted, he admits to yet another. So, now we're at 3 ONS between 2006 and 2009 plus his 8 month long EA/PA last year.
Each DDay was difficult in its own way. But I think the DDay last year when he said he didn't love me anymore hurt the most. The ONSs were not emotional for him - just sex.
But, this last one has done a number on me too because I now know that everything he told me was a lie for 6 years. I always knew that he would be curious about sex with someone else since I was his only. I let the first one slide as his "lesson learned". He promised me the world after that one. He would never do that again. Blah, Blah, Blah. To find out AFTER we've reconciled from last year's mess that he was lying to me all those years in between makes me hurt but it also makes me feel stupid. How could I not see? How could I take him back?
He has totally changed his perspective since April. He is the poster boy for remorseful husbands now. He reads, is supportive but most of all he's finally addressed his spiraling behavior of those 6 years. He is now disgusted by what he did.
One thing I do know: IF there is ever another DDay, it will be the last. He will be immediately kicked out and divorce papers will be started. I told him in 2006 that he would be out if he ever did it again. He left last year - and somehow we managed to fall in love again. I'm trying to let the past be in the past. But he is very much aware that if he screws up in even the slightest way, I will be beyond done.
Moral of my story - Multiple DDays Suck!!!!