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FieldsOfLavender posted 6/13/2013 19:11 PM

We notarized our separation agreement yesterday and I also started my IC yesterday too. It's been over a year since DDay, but I still had a lot of tears to shed. The therapist asked if I had shared my thoughts/experience with anyone and I said no,not really. but I had gotten support from this website which helped me not to feel so alone.

As my unremorseful STBX and I were going through the separation agreement, I asked if he thought we would divorce. He replied with a flat, "Yes."

While I am detaching, I can't seem to look at him, not because I'm mad at him, but afraid that I may see him and still feel attracted/love him.

He told our 7 yo child that he would be living somewhere else bc we have not been getting along. This was the dreaded moment for me, but she was happy about it. She just went to see his apartment and likes it. Not sure if she knows what's happening.

phmh posted 6/13/2013 19:39 PM


I know you may not believe me, but it will get better.

I still loved my XWH on the day we divorced. I cried and cried in the courthouse, getting my new drivers' license, at the credit union to change my name, etc. It's so tough when you believe in your vow to love someone forever.

But with IC, time, introspection, journaling, work, etc., comes acceptance and, eventually, indifference.

Someday you will look back on your life and be so happy that he is no longer a major part of it. Someday, when you're healed, you will find a fabulous new partner. Someone who's not broken, and will honor and love you as you deserve. And you will wonder why you were ever sad over losing the POS you're currently married to, the one who doesn't deserve you.

It's painful. You have to go through it. If it wasn't painful, you'd be a sociopath.

I know it's different for everyone, but sharing in real life really helped me. (Of course, I am an extrovert.) Many people know all the gory details, and many more know that I was married to a sociopath. Everyone has been so supportive and helpful in my healing.

"Getting Past Your Breakup" was immensely helpful to me. I'm glad you're going to counseling. Just keep telling yourself that it will get better. But go as NC as possible!

Ashland13 posted 6/13/2013 19:55 PM

I'm sorry, Fields of L,

You sound like me. I go to these mediation meetings looking like a fool because I just sit there and cry or have to leave the room because I can't stand to hear the words. I can't stand to see our names on the papers or "v" in the middle for verses.

I don't find myself attracted to Perv anymore, but am in mourning and full of grief for the life he ruined and the future I have lost. I feel like I was born to be married, if its possible and loved him deep in my soul. My entire being was being married and a mom I loved it.

Now, I am only a mom, but I am going to be the very best I can and live my life also for me now.

I was opposite you and over-told the story and now am clamming up and people don't know why.

I, to have consolation on SI and find it staves off the lonliness and there is a reality here that my virtual support system doesn't often have. Sometimes I just want to be told the way it is or may be and not someone's opinion, do you know what I mean?

I found even with over-telling the story, the tears were still a torrent and just had to stop on their own. They still come five months out, but go away qicker, FWIW.

I wish you peace and I wish you moments of clarity. I, too, am searching for a future that seems to allude me at the moment.

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