Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!
I know you may not believe me, but it will get better.
I still loved my XWH on the day we divorced. I cried and cried in the courthouse, getting my new drivers' license, at the credit union to change my name, etc. It's so tough when you believe in your vow to love someone forever.
But with IC, time, introspection, journaling, work, etc., comes acceptance and, eventually, indifference.
Someday you will look back on your life and be so happy that he is no longer a major part of it. Someday, when you're healed, you will find a fabulous new partner. Someone who's not broken, and will honor and love you as you deserve. And you will wonder why you were ever sad over losing the POS you're currently married to, the one who doesn't deserve you.
It's painful. You have to go through it. If it wasn't painful, you'd be a sociopath.
I know it's different for everyone, but sharing in real life really helped me. (Of course, I am an extrovert.) Many people know all the gory details, and many more know that I was married to a sociopath. Everyone has been so supportive and helpful in my healing.
"Getting Past Your Breakup" was immensely helpful to me. I'm glad you're going to counseling. Just keep telling yourself that it will get better. But go as NC as possible!
Married: 11 years, no kids
Character is destiny