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Newest Member: sadstrawberry (46003)

User Topic: Lower god damn muppet
Pass
♂ 38122
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 8:30 PM, June 13th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Fuck! my STBXW is useless.

Whenever I was out without her, one of her favourite tricks use to be texting me about how horribly the boys were behaving, with a tag line of "They're lucky to be alive!"

Apparently nothing has changed. My boys were arguing over which one could use a guitar case for their guitar. DD13 texted to ask me if I would buy him a case. I told him that he would need to buy that with his own money, since he just got a nice amp for his birthday.

STBXW texts me 45 minutes later to ask me the same question. I said, "K, but I told DD13 that he had to buy his own 45 minutes ago, so you need to explain to him why this has changed, without making me sound like a boob."

When we were together, I rarely said things like that to her. She phoned to have me describe why I felt this way. After I explained the situation, she agreed that he should buy his own case, and she will tell him so.

Why is this so hard? And why did I get pulled into this on my night out?

She gets all weekend to fuck her new man. I NEVER bug her with kid problems. For some reason, she gets to pull me into this.

Fucking useless!

However, I am feeling a small victory for getting her to change her mind. That never used to happen.


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 2157 | Registered: Jan 2013
tesla
♀ 34697
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 8:34 PM, June 13th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Why is this so hard? And why did I get pulled into this on my night out?


Because she is useless and clearly cannot figure out how to mediate between the kids.

[This message edited by tesla at 8:35 PM, June 13th (Thursday)]


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4816 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
Sad in AZ
♀ 24239
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 8:43 PM, June 13th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Why are you answering her texts when you're out on your free weekends?? She may be a lower muppet, but she's pulling your strings.

This was not an emergency; stop responding and she'll have to deal on her own--as she should. And really, who cares if she gets it right; you made your point to your DS--end of story.


Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where's the tylenol?

Posts: 20544 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
AppleBlossom
♀ 38541
Member # 38541
Default  Posted: 9:15 PM, June 13th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My ex struggled with his relationship with the kids in the early days, and I would get all sorts of calls and texts about the latest disaster or melt down. I would answer them, feeling that I didnt want to look bad in the kids' eyes or that somehow I had to l keep parenting by remote.

I realised in the end I was doing everyone a diservice. I was not allowing them to sort out their own relationship. And to some extent, the kids played on this, knowing that they could get something to happen by playing us off against each other.

My favourite phrase to the kids became "you need to talk to your dad about that" and "I have discussed this with child 1, 2 and 3 already" and then leave it.

After a while, they have worked it all out, and the kids have settled into knowing that things are just done differently at each house.

Every now and again their dad and I will catch up to talk about general cross-house rules around things like mobile phones, bed times, whether they can be left on their own etc, but apart from that we leave each other alone.

You need to step back and let them develop a relationship that does not include you continuing to play the role of the ex spouse's partner.


Posts: 154 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Australia
Pass
♂ 38122
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 8:13 AM, June 14th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Because she is useless and clearly cannot figure out how to mediate between the kids.

I think you hit the nail on the head, tesla.


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 2157 | Registered: Jan 2013
SBB
♀ 35229
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 8:23 AM, June 14th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with the advice to not respond on your weekend off other than to tell her what your position is.

I promise you you can no more make her a good mother than you could make her a good wife.

I had to tell the sad clown to stop asking me to rescue him. Not my job. If you can't handle the easiest kids on the planet (they really are) then give me a bigger share of custody.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5731 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
KeepOnMovin
♂ 38245
Member # 38245
Default  Posted: 8:48 AM, June 14th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It happens because you let it. I know because I allow myself to fall into the same trap. And it almost always occurs on my "off weekend". I never bother her about anything. I just handle it. Only communication from me is stuff like "DS11 needs to take his costume to play practice on Monday."

STBX would throw a huge fit when I simply quit responding to her. Once she figured out (I told her) I would only discuss kids and finances, all of a sudden everything is a kid issue.

When I traveled to Colorado for my race, I was gone four nights, and she blew me up three times about alleged kid issues. None of which was an emergency. Just some way to maintain control.

Don't beat yourself up when you screw up. These ladies know what they're talking about. Don't answer the phone and only respond if it is truly an issue that requires a response. I do acknowledge when i get a text from her. Otherwise the phone will ring, and if I don't answer that, the cra cra starts...


Me: BH
Her: who cares?
Married: 22 years
2 sons at home
1 son in college
Divorced on 9/4/14!
Often it's the deepest pain which empowers you to grow into your highest self.

Posts: 443 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Midwest
Pass
♂ 38122
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 10:04 AM, June 14th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks y'all. One time I didn't answer her texts, and she phoned me in tears thinking I had killed myself again, so I guess I need to come up with a stock response that says, "Leave me the fuck alone unless someone is dying".

I rarely stood up to her in 17 years of marriage - she had me well trained - and when I did she would punish me with her poisonous moods. I'm slowly learning.

When we were talking last night about the guitar case, she managed to somehow slip it in to conversation that she was the best sex I will ever have. Since I failed to see the relevance of that to the guitar case, I gave no response, and immediately changed the subject.

Like I said: I'm slowly learning.

God, she's miserable! I can't wait to get my kids back tonight. Then I won't have to deal with her for a few days while she's screwing her new prize.

[This message edited by pass at 10:05 AM, June 14th (Friday)]


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 2157 | Registered: Jan 2013
nowiknow23
♀ 33226
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 10:21 AM, June 14th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When we were talking last night about the guitar case, she managed to somehow slip it in to conversation that she was the best sex I will ever have


You can call me NIK

"Keep your face always toward the sunshine - and shadows will fall behind you."
-Walt Whitman


Posts: 26465 | Registered: Aug 2011
Lola2kids
♀ 32789
Member # 32789
Default  Posted: 10:40 AM, June 14th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

the best sex I will ever have

Originally I read this as the best EX you will ever have.

I was wondering how many ex's she thought you would have.

Duh!!


BS: (Me) 47
Kids: twins DD(10)
D-Day April 18, 2011
Him:out Sept. 11, 2011
He moved to Europe June 27, 2014.
"They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder but I am growing more and more fond of his absence"

Posts: 1473 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Ontario, Canada
Pass
♂ 38122
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 10:50 AM, June 14th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lola2kids, I have no doubt that she thinks that as well.


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 2157 | Registered: Jan 2013
Lola2kids
♀ 32789
Member # 32789
Default  Posted: 10:53 AM, June 14th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hugs, Pass.


BS: (Me) 47
Kids: twins DD(10)
D-Day April 18, 2011
Him:out Sept. 11, 2011
He moved to Europe June 27, 2014.
"They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder but I am growing more and more fond of his absence"

Posts: 1473 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Ontario, Canada
honesttoafault
♀ 27105
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 11:08 AM, June 14th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with the others, she has to learn to cope without you.

I would talk to her as calmly as possible and tell her that you do not want to "undermine her authority" while she has the kids with petty issues. It will be best for her and them that they work it out. Of course you will be available for emergencies. Let her know that you will not be responding to simple things like arguments with the kids.

Once you have let her know that is what you are going to do, then do it.

She might have to be "weaned" if you know what I mean

But remind her it is the best for her and the kids' relationship. That would be the best ammunition and one that she cannot blame you for, because it is true.


Posts: 1961 | Registered: Jan 2010
jo2love
♀ 31528
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 11:22 AM, June 14th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

she managed to somehow slip it in to conversation that she was the best sex I will ever have

Wow. She is not lacking in the self esteem area.


I rarely stood up to her in 17 years of marriage - she had me well trained.
Like I said: I'm slowly learning

She is floundering trying to figure out why her old mo isn't working on you anymore. It sounds like you are on the right track as to how/when to respond to her nonsense.

[This message edited by jo2love at 11:24 AM, June 14th (Friday)]


Posts: 36759 | Registered: Mar 2011
sad/madtothebone
♀ 29150
Member # 29150
Default  Posted: 11:25 AM, June 14th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

she was the best sex I will ever have

I would have been tempted to reply with god, I hope not.


Feeling like I will never know the truth. Wondering if I can live without it or will it eat me up in the end?

Posts: 313 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: N. TX
dmari
♀ 37215
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 11:34 AM, June 14th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

god, I hope not.
^^^ This is the best response EVER!!

[This message edited by dmari at 11:34 AM, June 14th (Friday)]


Me (BS): 43 Children: DD 19, DS 15
Divorced September 30, 2014
"It's always darkest before the dawn ..."

Posts: 2329 | Registered: Oct 2012
Threnody
♀ 1558
Member # 1558
Default  Posted: 11:55 AM, June 14th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

One time I didn't answer her texts, and she phoned me in tears thinking I had killed myself again,

She's not the brightest bulb in the marquee, is she?

<phone rings>

"Hello."
"Pass, it's me. I was wondering if you'd killed yourself again."
"Yes, I did. I found the first time wasn't effective enough to remove you from my life. Looks like I've messed it up again. Gotta go."


“If you don't like my opinion of you, you can always improve.” ~ Ashleigh Brilliant
"Great love requires determination." ~ tryingtwo
"Don't try to win over the haters, you're not the jackass whisperer." ~ Brene Brown

Posts: 14040 | Registered: Jun 2003 | From: Middle-of-Diddly, TX
suckstobeme
♀ 30853
Member # 30853
Default  Posted: 12:52 PM, June 14th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow. Just wow.

She's got a mighty high opinion of herself, that's for sure. Best sex you will ever have. Give me a fucking break.

Honestly, she is floundering. She's having a very hard time figuring out why her "charm" no longer works so she throws these digs out of pure frustration. You're obviously doing a great job.


BW - me
ExWH - "that one"
D - 2011
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.
Hard as it may be, try to never give the OP any of your power or head space.

Posts: 2905 | Registered: Jan 2011
Kajem
♀ 36134
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 1:32 PM, June 14th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When we were talking last night about the guitar case, she managed to somehow slip it in to conversation that she was the best sex I will ever have

My XH has said this on more than one occasion. Last time he said it.. I sort of shook my head, smiled to myself and said absolutely nothing while looking straight at him. He never brought it up again.

Pass... she's fishing to find out if you've had any sex since you separated. Don't give her any ammunition. A class act doesn't kiss and tell. But you can smile when thinking about it. Let her wonder about your smile at her question.

[This message edited by Kajem at 1:35 PM, June 14th (Friday)]


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5732 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
SBB
♀ 35229
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 6:30 PM, June 14th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

she was the best sex I will ever have

There was a great line in Game of Thrones when the boy-King (who is a soooo going to be killed off) starts shouting "BUT I'M THE KING!!" - his grandfather (who really controls the kingdom) responded: "When one is truly king one does not need to say 'I am King'".

How on earth do you segue from guitar case to sex? I have to say I'd be insisting on all comms via email/text unless/until she can get control of her faculties.

Pass honey - you don't have to put up with this shit or even hear it anymore. That is one of the many silver linings out of this whole mess.

((Pass))

[This message edited by StrongButBroken at 6:30 PM, June 14th (Friday)]


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5731 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Topic Posts: 24
Pages: 1 · 2

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