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ruinedandbroken posted 6/13/2013 20:42 PM

How do you all handle meetings at school? DS1 had an EP meeting (for gifted) at school. I was invited and participated. I did not tell EX about meeting as I have not desire to sit across a table from him and play friendly divorced parents. There would be no way I could concentrate on the issue at hand anyway.

So assface finds out about meeting and texts me that he wants to know about all meetings in the future blaahh, blaah, blaaah.

The response I wanted to send was: "It is not my responsibility to inform you of meetings, it is the school's responsibility. Call them if you would like to discuss this." Or "You have every right to call the school and schedule a meeting for yourself to discuss DS's EP."

Instead I blew it off and told him there wasn't a meeting. (There actually wasn't one. I talked with the teacher over the phone and via email but we never actually met for this.)

Just to clarify, I was not trying to keep him from meeting with DS's teachers. He has every right to meet with his teachers and discuss anything he wants to. But there is no way in hell we are meeting together. Not.happening.Ever.

I think the school did not invite him because the whole school knows that his OW is a teacher there and they know that we have a contemptuous relationship. Next year the kids are going to be attending a new school. I'm wondering how to handle this with XH and with the school for the future. I have a lot of years left with this a-hole.

AppleBlossom posted 6/13/2013 21:26 PM

If you absolutely cannot meet together for parent/teacher conferences then you will have to work something out. As you say, you have years of this, and not knowing what to do or getting him blowing up your phone every time will just cause a lot of stress. you may need to have a discussion with the school principal and work out what is best for everyone - including and especially the children.

FlySomeday posted 6/13/2013 22:23 PM

I tried both..and my separation/divorce is every bit of contentious. I found the meeting with the teachers independently worked much better. I think the teachers were more comfortable too and could focus on the kids instead of the uncomfortable dynamic. It is how I will proceed from now on. For. Sure.

ruinedandbroken posted 6/13/2013 22:33 PM

Fly-someday, did you make a request of the school that all meetings are to be separate? This is what I am thinking of doing. I'm not meeting with him. Just us being in the same room would be the elephant in the room and I wouldn't be able to put on my parent hat while resisting the urge to punch him in the face.

roughroadahead posted 6/13/2013 23:31 PM

For parent-teacher conferences, the school has no issue with scheduling different times. Our tricky issue is IEP meetings. There cannot be separate meetings for that. I am the primary contact for the kids' case managers, so I usually request they cc Waffle on all the set up emails.

As for the meetings themselves, we go together. We never have to address each other, sit next to each other, or act friendly. He has as much right to be there as I do, so it's one of those instances where I just suck it up. One hour (ish), once a year for 2 kids (DD is too young for an IEP. Her time is coming). It's hard when there's a lot of anger.

beenthere2? posted 6/14/2013 01:29 AM

For parent/teacher conferences, ask for two conferences to be scheduled. Most teachers will do that no problem.

For IEPs, there cannot be two meetings as there needs to be one outcome. Here you have two choices: either you meet together or you ask and receive full educational rights when it comes to your child. You will have to provide legal documentation on this.

ruinedandbroken posted 6/14/2013 18:59 PM

Ugh! That's true! IEP's/EP's cannot have separate meetings.

Blaaaaaah!

SBB posted 6/14/2013 20:45 PM

I have managed to attend one parent/teacher conference and it was fine. That guy is invisible to me.

The teacher knows the situation and what has been going on and she has seen with her own eyes the bullshit he has tried to pull eg. he booked the appointment without telling me about it, she called to make sure I could make it - I heard the exasperation in her voice.

She handled the meeting very well IMO. She did say she would prefer the one meeting but would facilitate two separate meetings if it was necessary.

Its one of those things I simply would not miss nor would I expect him to miss. We have 50/50 so its important that we are both across what is going on.

Short term ick for long term gain.

sadness1 posted 6/14/2013 21:02 PM

Maybe one of you can attend the meeting and one can attend by conference call.

I am a teacher and we have done this several times for parents.