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Lies, lies and more lies!

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MissMarple posted 6/13/2013 20:54 PM

In the last month, I've been trickle-truthed more than I can stand. I've gotten about 6 "this is everything, final confessions". And then I find out more. From what I can gather, he's cheated on me with prostitutes and hook-ups from adult friend finder, ashley madison, and craigslist for our entire marriage. He's put us in financial ruin, and squandered hundreds, maybe even in the thousands.

We've gone to one marriage counseling session, and he has already lied there. He's gotten angry and blame-shifted his problems to me. I was so scared that I took my son and stayed at a friends house for the last few days. I've kicked him out of the house, and I'm now back home.

I'm tired, I'm heartbroken, and I'm so confused. My whole marriage has been a lie, and I had no idea, he hid his secret life so well. In hindsight he had always been selfish, and somewhat irresponsible, but I had no clue what was really going on.

He's still messing with my head by sending me texts saying he misses me. I think he misses having his cake and eating it too. I'm not longer willing to be a possession of his to use. And that makes him angry. I've seen rage and hate in his eyes.

He uses my Christian faith against me, even though he claims to be one himself. When DDay first happened, he told me that the bible said that I had to forgive him. At that moment I was so shocked, that I refrained from telling him what it said about lying and adultery.

What a mess!

simplydevastated posted 6/13/2013 21:04 PM

TT is difficult to deal with. In my opinion it holds everything back because you're still trying figure everything out and trying to wrap your head around it all just to find out there's more.

Sending you strength and (((Hugs)))

P.S. I love your screenname

Broken1Again posted 6/13/2013 21:44 PM

((((MissMarple))) I know your pain, I know your anxiety...I just wanted to tell you you're not alone. You've made the right decision by asking him to leave. Don't make the same mistakes I have made, by wanting to believe and wanting it to go away. Stand your ground. Remember actions speak louder then words! (and texts)

Missymomma posted 6/13/2013 21:50 PM

MissM - I am so sorry. It is heartbreaking to learn of this kind of betrayal. It sounds like your WH might be a sex addict. Have you looked into therapy with a CSAT or someone familiar with sexual trauma for yourself? Maybe going to a COSA or S-Annon meeting to find support from others that have been through this. Finding some support for yourself through this nightmare is the best thing I did for myself.

MissMarple posted 6/13/2013 21:57 PM

I suspect that he is a SA. He is scheduled to meet with a therapist that specializes in addiction next month. (Long waiting list.) Now that I'm back in my house, I'm going to make an appointment for myself with IC. I don't know if he is willing to go to any support groups, I haven't looked into it for myself yet. Now that I've kicked him out, I feel like I can finally focus on my needs.

Missymomma posted 6/13/2013 22:09 PM

Hopefully, him being out of the house will give you some relief. Sometimes just getting a break from their BS is like suddenly being able to breathe again. Take good care of yourself during this stressful time. Look at the married to an SA thread in I Can Relate. There are a lot of suggestions for good books and support.

And a big (((hug))). I am so sorry that you have found yourself a member of this group.

Skan posted 6/14/2013 10:34 AM

MissM, please don't forget to change every lock on your house and, if he has access to a garage door opener, see if you can get that changed as well or hit the lock feature on the control unit so that he can't gain access that way. If you're afraid of him, you do not want to come home to find him waiting inside, or to have him gain access while you're asleep in your bed.

Please also see a lawyer and find out what your rights are. You don't have to go any further than that at this time, but knowledge is power, and you have a small child to think of. You need to make sure that your child is protected "in case." (((hugs)))

1Faith posted 6/14/2013 11:05 AM

If he is lying in MC then don't go - it's not worth the time or money.

I would invest in IC for you. You need help getting your head wrapped around all of this horrible information and experience. I also urge you to get tested for STD's.

Even if he is a SA or narcissist; it is not an excuse to cheat and lie.

Don't let him guilt you into anything. Tell him to grow up and take responsibility for his HORRIBLE choices.

Being a Christian does not mean we have to settle for lies, betrayal and abuse. And he is mentally abusing you.

You are stronger than this. Do not let it define you.

Stay strong and keep moving. We are rooting for you.

(((hugs)))

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