Thank you for your replies. I was just going over something I had written WH a couple of months ago, as a last ditch effort of clueing him in about what I needed from him to consider R, but since he is a unremorseful ass, we are no where near R right now, and we are not currently in MC. We don't have the financial means to be in MC right now when there may be no reason to go. I was just reading this letter/list and remembered how he was so against this one thing. Is this a deal breaker for me if he won't tell his parents? I don't know honestly, there's more to it then just telling his parents he screwed his family up big time. And I know it will probably back fire on me and she will hate me even more, blame me, especially since when our son was born he was very small for gestational age, and her first comment was (to my WH not me) "Well maybe she should have done xyz or abc so he wouldn't be so little", something I had no control over and she blamed me. So I don't expect her to even consider taking my side, I know that, and I would be completely shocked if she responded any differently. Now my fil I don't know, we have no problems for the most part, and my sil, well she was for a long time one of the only two people outside of WH and I (and OW and her BS) that knew about the A, and she hated him for it. She totally took my side, and was ready to throw her brother under the bus, and tell her parents, but I told her not to at the time, because I didn't want to embarress WH and make him mad
Additionally, you two obviously need to spend less weekends with the ILs until your R is better established and he is able to look at his parents- especially his mom- and tell them, "You are not treating my wife with kindness and respect. We will be leaving now."
I wish this would happen, but never in a million years. First off we only see WH's family once every month or two, they live three hours away. I rarely go up to their house anymore, just send WH and the kids, but they come down here. And for my WH to stand up for me, or even mention that she needs to act differently would be a miracle to say the least. He has NEVER had my back when it comes to his parents!!! And I don't ever see that changing. Which may be another reason I want him to spill the beans with his family.
I know his mom thinks I ruined his life, made him move three hours away, and being that we are from different religious back grounds, was a big concern about hers when we announced our engagement. I don't ever expect her to change, and like me, but maybe if she knew, she could at least understand. When I am just done with WH (as I always am when we spend even just one full day together, let alone two) she'll maybe get it. I am not just some bitch that is being unfair to her precious son, but I have valid reasons. And I know for a fact that if she knew about the PPD that I suffered after YDS was born, and the fact that is what led to his A, she would totally pin the whole thing on me, but I really don't care, she can't dislike me anymore then she already does.
Again thank you for your replies, support, and encouragement, I will be thinking more about this, and if we ever do decide to fully R and not just live in limbo forever, this will be something that is brought up in MC, and worked out with them. I just want to know that I am not being unreasonable for asking him this, from other BS's point of view.
ETA: Holly-isis, I am sorry your MIL said this:
My MIL told me MrH could wander as long as he always came back to me and didn't leave me to be a single mother
I am sure my MIL would think (not sure that she would say it out loud) WH would be better off with OW.
[This message edited by scangel3 at 11:33 AM, June 14th (Friday)]
BS-me 31, WH-31, M'd-10 years
DD 10, DS 7, DS 6.5
Dday 03/01/10 (our DD's bday)
A ended 08/31/10-09/02-10 (with multiple ddays in between).TT on 08/2012, 09/04/12, 11/16/2012, 01/2013, 6/25/2013 Says he wants R, but not proving it