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DS epiphany

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Bluebird26 posted 6/14/2013 08:11 AM

My DS 14 has been having lots of issues with his father and been refusing to see him for the past few months.

Lets just say x is classic NPD and has anger management issues. Lots of IC, MC, AD, emotional abuse over the years but as soon as an IC gets close to working him out, he leaves as he is 'fixed' apparently.

Anyway x demanded that he sees DS, I have suggested numerous times that we meet with the kids to discuss the problems that he won't hear. X reluctantly agrees and has a massive mantrum makes all sorts of demands, swears at the kids etc, then threatens to get the police involved etc. This meeting lasted exactly 5 minutes and X stormed out of the agreed meeting location.

DS calls him and tells him he wants nothing to do with him. X tells him he needs to get over it. Next pick up X is as nice as pie, oldest son still refusing to have anything to do with him.

DS told me tonight omg he is nuts. It's like he has some sort of personality disorder where they are crazy one minute and nice the next. What the hell is wrong with him?

Geesh! A 14 year old can see that his father has problems. Glad he can finally see it but sad he has to deal with too. I have always been able to protect my kids from the X, now I can't....They get to see his true colours now.

Griefstricken25 posted 6/14/2013 10:05 AM

It is sad when kids see how their parents really are, but I think it's a good thing in the long run. The kids truly can start to see it's not about them at all and can truly start to heal and be whole.

dmari posted 6/14/2013 11:46 AM

Wow ... I'm sad your DS14 had to witness that but I think your DS14 made a sound decision to not have that toxic relationship in his life right now.

My situation is similar in that my children are not in contact with their father. I think I would have gone ape-shit on stbx if he had a mantrum in front of them!

It's not your job to protect X's "image" from the kids (I had to learn and accept this too) and it's our job to support our children. Hugs to you and your kids!

Kajem posted 6/14/2013 15:14 PM

Isn't it wonderful when the kids realize who the crazy one is?

I breathed a huge sigh of relief when DD1 was 19 or 20, in college and called to let me know that her father is NPD, she even went so far as to talk to her professor about him. Prof agreed.

She got it truly go it then.... and now the relationship between her and dad is on her terms.

Ashland13 posted 6/15/2013 12:17 PM

I'm sad for your DS's hard time and yours but also glad his eyes and mind are open.

It's heart-wrenching to watch a child's pain.

DD is struggling with issues caused by our being abandoned by STBX and has trouble going with him but still gets blinded by the glitter and the big personality.

Like you, BlueBird, I can't safe her from the forces that be, that are outside the walls of our house and never thought it would be her own father. My mother is also very NPD and she is seeing this, too. It makes me sad.

Perv won't even be real at counseling or be real with problems. He lies to counselors and thinks it's dumb and everyone else has issues but him... and OW.

I have some neighbors I write about who are a few years ahead of us in D but still fight over their kids. It's interesting now to see the kids there-one 15 and one 9-make fun of the father and OW now, along with the mother.

The father lost his figure of authority with them after what he did and there is no respect for him, FWIW. I see this starting with our DD and it makes me sad for her to lose the KISA side of a parent.

I am told by him that I'm very strict and no fun, but you know, she tells me "I trust you, mom and feel safe around only you." And I find that with my father, as my mother eventually left him. She is very glittery but not continuous and we/I get leery of that.

Perv acts "crazy" when something isn't going his way and my mother does it, too. I am just coming off a confrontation with her because DD couldn't go visit her for as long as she wanted, so she (my mother) had a tantrum at me.

Sorry for my long post and hope it will get better.

Athena1979 posted 6/15/2013 22:48 PM

I thought that once a child reaches a certain age they can make a choice whether they want to see the other parent.

For my state, it was 14. That was the year I was finally able to refuse to see my dad.

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