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Newest Member: Notoverher (61488)

User Topic: DS epiphany
♀ 36445
Member # 36445
Default  Posted: 8:11 AM, June 14th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My DS 14 has been having lots of issues with his father and been refusing to see him for the past few months.

Lets just say x is classic NPD and has anger management issues. Lots of IC, MC, AD, emotional abuse over the years but as soon as an IC gets close to working him out, he leaves as he is 'fixed' apparently.

Anyway x demanded that he sees DS, I have suggested numerous times that we meet with the kids to discuss the problems that he won't hear. X reluctantly agrees and has a massive mantrum makes all sorts of demands, swears at the kids etc, then threatens to get the police involved etc. This meeting lasted exactly 5 minutes and X stormed out of the agreed meeting location.

DS calls him and tells him he wants nothing to do with him. X tells him he needs to get over it. Next pick up X is as nice as pie, oldest son still refusing to have anything to do with him.

DS told me tonight omg he is nuts. It's like he has some sort of personality disorder where they are crazy one minute and nice the next. What the hell is wrong with him?

Geesh! A 14 year old can see that his father has problems. Glad he can finally see it but sad he has to deal with too. I have always been able to protect my kids from the X, now I can't....They get to see his true colours now.

Me: BW

Best thing I gained in my divorce - my freedom.

Life's good.

Posts: 1530 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
♀ 29183
Member # 29183
Default  Posted: 10:05 AM, June 14th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It is sad when kids see how their parents really are, but I think it's a good thing in the long run. The kids truly can start to see it's not about them at all and can truly start to heal and be whole.

3 amazing kidlets
To WXH "Now you're just somebody that I used to know."
D-day and separation - June, 2009
Divorced - December, 2011

Posts: 2596 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: A better place
♀ 37215
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 11:46 AM, June 14th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow ... I'm sad your DS14 had to witness that but I think your DS14 made a sound decision to not have that toxic relationship in his life right now.

My situation is similar in that my children are not in contact with their father. I think I would have gone ape-shit on stbx if he had a mantrum in front of them!

It's not your job to protect X's "image" from the kids (I had to learn and accept this too) and it's our job to support our children. Hugs to you and your kids!

Posts: 2868 | Registered: Oct 2012
♀ 36134
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 3:14 PM, June 14th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Isn't it wonderful when the kids realize who the crazy one is?

I breathed a huge sigh of relief when DD1 was 19 or 20, in college and called to let me know that her father is NPD, she even went so far as to talk to her professor about him. Prof agreed.

She got it truly go it then.... and now the relationship between her and dad is on her terms.

I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 6708 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
♀ 38378
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 12:17 PM, June 15th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sad for your DS's hard time and yours but also glad his eyes and mind are open.

It's heart-wrenching to watch a child's pain.

DD is struggling with issues caused by our being abandoned by STBX and has trouble going with him but still gets blinded by the glitter and the big personality.

Like you, BlueBird, I can't safe her from the forces that be, that are outside the walls of our house and never thought it would be her own father. My mother is also very NPD and she is seeing this, too. It makes me sad.

Perv won't even be real at counseling or be real with problems. He lies to counselors and thinks it's dumb and everyone else has issues but him... and OW.

I have some neighbors I write about who are a few years ahead of us in D but still fight over their kids. It's interesting now to see the kids there-one 15 and one 9-make fun of the father and OW now, along with the mother.

The father lost his figure of authority with them after what he did and there is no respect for him, FWIW. I see this starting with our DD and it makes me sad for her to lose the KISA side of a parent.

I am told by him that I'm very strict and no fun, but you know, she tells me "I trust you, mom and feel safe around only you." And I find that with my father, as my mother eventually left him. She is very glittery but not continuous and we/I get leery of that.

Perv acts "crazy" when something isn't going his way and my mother does it, too. I am just coming off a confrontation with her because DD couldn't go visit her for as long as she wanted, so she (my mother) had a tantrum at me.

Sorry for my long post and hope it will get better.

Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington

Posts: 3034 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
♀ 39393
Member # 39393
Default  Posted: 10:48 PM, June 15th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I thought that once a child reaches a certain age they can make a choice whether they want to see the other parent.

For my state, it was 14. That was the year I was finally able to refuse to see my dad.

Married 11/11/11
2 kids
D-day 12/27/12
D-day 4/12/13
D-day 6/26/13
You know perfectly that you can only change what you accept....never forget that there are two kinds of pain, the one that hurts and the one that makes you change.

Posts: 259 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Athena1979
Topic Posts: 6

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