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curiouswiz posted 6/14/2013 09:25 AM

I've been so quiet here because I can't believe this is my life. I'm trying so hard to sort the mess out in my head and I'm failing. Maybe if I vent here it will settle some of my confusion, fears, constant worry.

The end of last month I had to go to Boston to get my monthly prescription. I can't have STBX (first time I've used the stbx) doing me the favor of bringing it to me anymore. He was such a mess last time and brought shitlicker with him for everyone to see. Anyway, he knew that I was coming. And he knew I would be at the house to deliver another eviction notice to his buddies in the second floor unit. I also had a real estate agency come to give a market analysis the next day.

When I got to the house the inner door was unlocked. I had rung the bell to let him know I was there but used my key in the outer door to go in. When I reached the kitchen shitlicker came walking in from the backyard in a g-string type bikini. She looked at me and said hi. I simply said douchebag. I went out the back door to see my STBX sitting there getting some sun.

I could not believe she was sitting out in front of the neighbors kids in that thing. I was in shock I guess. I kept calling her a FN douche and let her know that she will be evicted soon too. I even kicked her dog again because it tries to bite me. After a minute of telling her she is not to live there according to court and she is not paying rent to get her fat ass out. She said "And who are you?" I said I'm Mrs. XYZ and she said "Oh good, now we've got that straight for the recording I've been taking since you got here."

I said that was good, since now the court will also know that she has been notified of her illegal position in MY home. The 30 year old stripper/junky just smirked at me. I can't believe how calm I am while spouting obscenities. I went to get my bike and saw that she'd been using it and riding her dog in the basket. Just like I always did. Where'd she get the idea???!!!! Holy shit, this child really does want to just step into my life and live it as though she is me! I asked her why she has to use my stuff, can't she get her own stuff? ha ha she just smirked again. Really, what's a beautiful bike compared to a marriage? Nothing really. But it pissed me off!

I vented a few more moments then went upstairs to put eviction note under their door. When I went outside the neighbors were all out on there front porches and when I saw them they all said hello and gave me big smiles all around. They all had their kids with them. I can't imagine what they've witnessed the last year and a half. I've been told a few stories and they miss me and wish she'd disappear. She makes the neighborhood ugly and their poor kids have to look at a stripper in a g-string!

I was supposed to stay at my daughters for the next few days so I could go to court and get some things done while I was there. The two hour ride there and two hours back hurts. So, I could not drive the extra hour to get to my daughter's. My cousin was with me and told me to get a hotel, I checked into a cheap place and started crying. It was obviously the type of place that is rented for an hour or two. My cousin asked me if I had flip flops? I said yeah why? She told me I'd need them in the bath! I couldn't believe I was going to spend a night there. I would have ended up sleeping in my car. It was absolutely disgusting.

As soon as I got back in my car I was crying uncontrollably. I drove to my cousins house to drop her off and sat in her yard to call my daughter and tell her I couldn't make it to her house. I just could not stop crying.

She said no, I am not staying in that hotel and she and one of my grandsons came to get me. They must have gotten that car to fly because they were there in record time. I got hugged and kissed and taken right back to that hotel to get my bag. My daughter was so good to me and could not believe I even thought about staying there. She took me home and my grandson cooked an amazing meal for us. I was safe.

The next day I went to the court and got all the legal papers going. That night the tenants were served. I would have like to have been there to see the violence erupt. The sheriff called me 3 times to get in touch with me, I wasn't able to respond the first 2 because I was driving and thought it odd that he went and called a 2nd time. The 3rd call was to warn me that the tenants are violent and to be careful to stay away from them and let the sheriff's handle them now. I can't imagine the scene they made.

This is all very mixed up, there was another visit in there but the next day I got to see whore come out of my bedroom and stop to put her shirt on in the hallway so I could see her 30 year old beauty without clothes once again. She went back into my bedroom and sat on the bed, on my side. I just could not think of anything to say except douchebag. She just smirks at me. The last thing I said was that she is the ugliest soul I have ever met. I think she liked that! I've told STBX that I'm going to have to go to court at the end of this month to evict her too and he panicked! He told me no I'm not going to do that! Well, yes I am. I have court orders that she is not to live there without paying me rent.

STBX has ignored every single court order. Every. Single. One.

It is so difficult for me to not go there and punch that child's face off. I really want to wipe that smirk all over the floor. Luckily he'd removed any sign of her the next day when the real estate agents were there, the house was clean too! He told me later we are not going to sell that property. ugh

I know this is a crazy post, kind of reminds me of my very first. Confused, mixed up, no real order, not really making sense. That's what my head feels like!! I'm a mess.

But! A big BUT. While there I managed to get my Vespa (it was a lemon) replaced. Fully replaced, free of charge with a brand new one. I put the first mile on it yesterday. I can ride the wind. I also bought a carriage on Craigslist for my doggies to ride and have been training them all week to walk on leash beside it and to ride it in a relaxed manner! I know it's crazy! One of them has bad knees and I can only go so far with her because they hurt her. So, voila! My babies have a cool jeep stroller and I'm now teaching them to beep the horn on it! After a few more days of training I'm going to walk them into town and listen to an outdoor concert!

I'm sorry this is so muddled! I'm trying so hard to be okay. With the Vespa I'm nervous because I'm just a bit whacked out (ya think?) but I know it will help me heal. With the stroller and the doggies I'll make people smile so that will help me come out of my isolation a bit! That's my biggest worry, I've been so alone and so isolated. Yard work. House work. Errands.

Is this a book yet? I'm sorry folks. Thanks for being here and giving me the strength to not commit murder! Thanks for all the mantras, prayers, laughs and strength.

I think I can, I think I can, I think I can!

curiouswiz posted 6/14/2013 09:32 AM

P.S.

I'm going to be 60 in just a week and a half...bah

Her and her 30 year old body. Does he really think she loves him? He's a complete mess and he turned 60 in April.

How can he not see she is destroying him? I don't even want him now. He's a total mess.

nowiknow23 posted 6/14/2013 09:40 AM

((((curious))))

scotslass posted 6/14/2013 09:54 AM

Just wanted to send you hugs.

Skan posted 6/14/2013 17:19 PM

I hope you can get those POSs out of your house soon and get it sold. You SO need to be completely done with the drama! (((hugs)))

peridot posted 6/14/2013 17:42 PM

She'll wipe that smirk off her face when the fantasy is over and reality sets in. Lala land doesn't last forever. He can be forced to sell the property. The best thing you can do for your sanity is to ignore them. You'll get through this.

curiouswiz posted 6/15/2013 05:48 AM

Her sister told me last year that she would stay until everything is destroyed and then move on to the next lucky guy. This is her job, this is what she does. It's her sixth destruction. She enjoys watching lives implode. She loves to have all the money and possessions turned over to her heroin habit.

I showed him the messages from her sister last year and he told me he just doesn't want to believe she would do that. Okay. So, now that we're here how can he not see it?

While I was there on the 31st I asked him while she was sitting on my bed if she really thought she could just come in and be me. She's literally taken over my home, hobbies, all of my artwork is being used as a means for her to get him to gift her art classes???? What? Move into an artist's home and you magically have talent? Seriously? It's almost funny! She has one talent and I won't say it here. His response to that? Nobody can be you curious, nobody could ever replace you or be you, nobody. I was stunned and simply said that he's got that right...

Yesterday I finally heard from the court on four different petitions and the judge ordered all to be enforced. One is for him to be arrested. I can't wait to get that done! If he's in jail I can actually pay bills and get her permanently out of my home. It seems to take forever for the orders to be implemented. I'm holding my breath waiting for them to put him in a cell.

I also think I'll have to have the police or sheriff take her out. Hopefully she'll put up another fight like she did last fall and get arrested this time.

Grrrrrrrr....

I'm going to ride my Vespa into town today and take a pic of it next to all the big boys. It's bike week here in NH and it will be a cute pic parked among all the hogs! Something to look forward to!

The drama is exhausting. I can't wait to be done!

inconnu posted 6/15/2013 07:07 AM

(((curious))) I know it's so hard to believe right now, but you will be okay. You will make it through this shitstorm. It's going to take time to process everything, especially with new things/legal proceedings being constantly added to the mix, but eventually you'll get to the point where you can look back and be amazed you made it through so much.

I'm glad your daughter and grandson came through for you in such a big way. Support and love from family is really important, and it helps with the healing too.

PS. That's really cool about getting your Vespa replaced. Be careful, but have fun!

curiouswiz posted 6/15/2013 08:43 AM

Thanks folks. I really am a bit scared to ride the Vespa later on because of my crazy mind but I will be careful. I'm hoping it makes me smile. It's going to be a beautiful day in the great northeast.

The sun is shining. I have wonderful children and grandchildren. I am blessed.

I'm just exhausted from the bs. I keep trying to plug along, it's all I can do somedays just to shower and get out.

Another positive step forward that I've taken is rid my car of the vanity plates with his and my nickname on them. This is such a small town, last year the town clerk asked if I still wanted the vanity plate. I was surprised because I was never asked that before in all the years I've had it. Guess even the town clerk knows what's going on. Well, I had to register the new Vespa and the town requires you to renew registration during your birthday month. So I have new plates. I stare at them and smile and try to remember the numbers so that I no longer have to see our names together. I can see the car while I sit at our table and it was triggering me constantly but I just didn't realize it! It finally hit me! DOH! Now while trying to remember the new numbers I'm also trying to rid my mind of the other plates. No more Me & Him staring at me everyday!

Small steps but so huge. I love you guys.

inconnu posted 6/15/2013 10:40 AM

You'll be surprised when you finally are able to look back and see just how far those small steps have really taken you.