DDay was fairly recent. Your husband is hurting and trying to process what has happened.
He is in shock and it sounds as if he is depressed.
If you want R to work you have to be patient. You have to be kind. You can't run when things aren't going well. He needs to know he can rely on you at some point.
R at this point is about him healing. You can't fast track his healing. You just can't.
Don't take a bad day/week/month as a sign this isn't going to work. He is just going through the process.
I was on the crazy train for over a year. One day I was fully committed the next day I wanted out. All these thoughts are emotional driven and come from the fear and hurt of the affair.
I am including the timeline for healing because you have to realize it takes TIME.
Be there. Stand by him and just continue to say you are sorry you hurt him, reassure him you will never do this again and they take your direction from him.
Good timeline I found on another site...Hope this helps..
Q: How Long Will It Take Me To Heal From This?
A: There is no set time line. On the average it's 1-2 years to heal from betrayal. 3-5 years is not out of the norm.
Below is a general guide, not everyone heals in the same amount of time as others, there are variables to consider in each individual's situation. It's a rollercoaster ride, emotionally and physically, but I promise you - you can and will survive. But, you will never be the same and that's not always a bad thing.
D-day to 6 months is devastation; you're done with life, in shock and sick at heart. You are raw emotionally and never knew such despair could be felt.
6-9 months are full of mood swings from "it's going to be okay" to "Why am I even trying." Your thoughts are emotion driven and not dependable.
9-12 months you can actually go about 15 minutes without thinking about "it." One morning I stepped out of the shower and realized that I hadn't thought of the affair yet. But sadly, those times were few and far between. You're still up and down emotionally.
Then at 12 months, sobbing again with the disappointment in your spouses selfishness
14 months you are able to have a heartfelt happy moment.
18 months the incredible crush of despair is gone. You wake up one morning and realize that the A was something that happened, not something that is happening.
20 months you no longer feel like your world is in danger. Trusting again, with your heart if not with your brain. Constantly questioning your own feelings but you realize it is fear stalking you now, not danger.
22 months you can see a future. You don't cry at the drop of a hat. You can watch television without falling apart at a love scene. Actually feeling almost back to your normal self. You finally loose that sense of being "outside" yourself. The phases can trick you, you think you're doing great at five weeks and then you hit the bottom of the well at 12 weeks. You can be raging at 10 months with a horrible anger that never appeared early on.