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Newest Member: BrnEyes777 (45750)

User Topic: Going dark on posting about your relationships
Crescita
♀ 32616
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 11:25 AM, June 14th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think most of us are guilty to some extent; we can’t put it all out there after all. However, we’re such a tight little community sometimes it shocks me to be out of the loop on things. At the same time, I understand how SI is not so anonymous for long term posters and some things can be a bit tough to share.

I usually only post when I’m freaking out about something, the good typically gets left on the cutting room floor. Then there are other times when happenings are just embarrassing little melt downs and I’d sooner forget than be handed a dozen 2x4s.

Just curious, what things make you all too shy to post?


“Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue.” ― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning

Posts: 3533 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
million pieces
♀ 27539
Member # 27539
Default  Posted: 11:36 AM, June 14th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I too only post if I'm freaking.

I was too shy to post about my current SO/relationship for a long time because I started it too soon. While I don't think it was too soon to date, it was too soon to be in a relationship and meet a guy that I could fall in love with. Luckily I was IC throughout the first 1.5 yrs of my relationship and he was 1 hr away and we only saw each other EOW (when we didn't have our kids). And he can't text on his work phone, so we had to have real conversations Honestly it all sounded too good to be true and I wouldn't believe it if someone else had posted about it. But I think he is great, my friends and family think he is great, his friends and family do and his ex's friends and family love him too (his ex's BF is the one who actually set us up in the beginning).


Me - 42
2 kids, 9 and 12
D-Day 2/5/10, separated 3 wks later
Divorced 11/15/11!!!!

Posts: 1280 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: MD
jennie160
♀ 29949
Member # 29949
Default  Posted: 12:17 PM, June 14th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm guilty of this too.

I had one of those embarrassing melt downs a few weeks ago. SO had gone to Vegas for a long weekend for a bachelor party. I trust him and hadn't had any concerned thoughts leading up to the trip. But I stupidly decided that it would be a good time to let mother nature run it's course. Needless to say, my hormones turned me into a psycho. "I bet he's cheating on me right now" "Now I will have to breakup with him" "How am I going to get all my stuff back" ect. Luckily, I realized what was going on and kept myself busy so I didn't act on my psycho thought (calling him every 5 min accusing him of cheating) and once my hormones leveled out I was fine again.


Posts: 921 | Registered: Oct 2010
wonderingbull
♂ 14833
Member # 14833
Default  Posted: 12:27 PM, June 14th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Raising hand...

It's a jungle out there.... Being out of the dating world for a quarter of a century and being back in it is not for the faint of heart...

WB


The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time...

James Taylor


Posts: 6001 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: A better place
caregiver9000
♀ 28622
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 12:29 PM, June 14th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I tend to not post about a new relationship because I am afraid I will jinx it. And when it fizzles, I have a hard time coming on here and admitting I have been dating without posting and whining about the ending... Yeah, in my mind that post can go one of two ways:

I talk about how great he was and that is why I dated him and now I am super sad about the break up.

OR, I highlight the reasons it ended and then I am wondering why I even dated him in the first place...

Not that there has been a lot to write about mind you. But that is my thought process when I get my toes even near the water... you know, if it looks like rain and I am barefoot.


Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5911 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
cmego
♀ 30346
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 1:24 PM, June 14th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There isn't anything to report? Chatted with a few guys that fizzled, nothing going on. Haven't liked anyone is a loooong time and not really caring.

I just feel....ehhh. I'm taking a break from IC for the summer, I pulled my dd out of IC. My IC said I've been dealing with really intense stuff for a long time and I just need a break.

ehhhh.


me...BS, 44 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced


Posts: 4231 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
little turtle
♀ 15584
Member # 15584
Default  Posted: 4:41 PM, June 14th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There isn't usually anything to post. We're pretty boring.


Failure is success if we learn from it.

Posts: 4224 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: michigan
Crescita
♀ 32616
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 4:52 PM, June 14th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There isn't usually anything to post. We're pretty boring.

I wouldn't call getting engaged boring Congrats!


“Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue.” ― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning

Posts: 3533 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
little turtle
♀ 15584
Member # 15584
Default  Posted: 4:54 PM, June 14th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

that's why I said "usually" Thanks, Crescita!


Failure is success if we learn from it.

Posts: 4224 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: michigan
Sad in AZ
♀ 24239
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 5:10 PM, June 14th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'd like to say that I don't post when things are going really well because I feel guilty about waving that in front of others who are struggling...

But then I'd have to delete my post about how well I'm doing after my 6th antiversary--and that's against the rules


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20453 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
persevere
♀ 31468
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 5:32 PM, June 14th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm also in the "don't want to jinx it" camp, however, I did post about the break up a month ago.

I did not, however, post about my not so bright recent decision to "be friends" which after only about four days did not work out well. (Pretty much ended up as a last fling together). There is a reason for NC. Repeat - there is a reason for NC. (Inset "Palm to forehead" here) Yes, that's a bit embarrassing because, let's face it, I knew better...


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4670 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
tabitha95
♀ 22033
Member # 22033
Default  Posted: 5:50 PM, June 14th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OMG.... so true.

I posted about the end of my relationship...then pulled the stupid card and started seeing him again. I'm seeing the same things I was unhappy with immediately.

I feel so weak that I did this.

I didn't want to share with SI because you were all supportive when it was ending.

I feel so messed up.


BW (me) - 45
DS 14, DS 11
D-Day#1: Oct 30, 2008
D-Day#2: June 3, 2011 (same MOW) Separation: June 3, 2011
Divorce finalized: Feb 2012 (due to 6 month waiting period).

Posts: 3250 | Registered: Dec 2008
SBB
♀ 35229
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 7:58 PM, June 14th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I tend not not post threads about things I KNOW I'm going to get 2x4'd about.

I've had more than a few complications with some casual romances. They wanted more than casual - I am not ready for it. Even if I was it wouldn't be with these guys.

I wanted to post here for perspectives and also to rant about them but thought better of it.

I was upfront with these guys that I wasn't interested in a relationship further than FWB. I thought we were on the same page.

Being honest upfront doesn't mean feelings don't get hurt. People will get attached no matter how clear you make it that you don't want attachment.

I've sort of stepped away from it all. The drama outweighed the benefits. I don't know that it hindered my healing but it certainly didn't make me feel like a good person.

Damn.

Basically I don't post here about it because I know that the 2x4s I'd get would be spot on and absolutely right. Right now I hate the damned bus more than I hate knowing that they are right.

[This message edited by StrongButBroken at 7:59 PM, June 14th (Friday)]


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5660 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
InnerLight
♀ 19946
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 10:50 PM, June 14th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't post much about me and SO because there is so little drama. We're both working too much and exhausted. He's spending all his money on dental work and has very little left over to spend on us. Fortunately I like camping but I'm a bit down about the lack of funds and so is he. See, boring, right?! Zzzzzzzz I put myself to sleep.


BS, now age 54, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years M and 20 together. In some ways I have not 'gotten over it'. But I am resilient and have created a good life where I am mostly happy.

Posts: 5903 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
MyVoice
♀ 35695
Member # 35695
Default  Posted: 12:38 AM, June 15th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep I'm guilty. I've been dating a guy for three months, I keep on almost posting about him but trying to just let it develop slowly and naturally, without constantly psychoanalysing the life out of it!(not easy)

Funny timing with this thread because he is meeting my sister and her husband tonight ,up to now he hasn't meet anyone I know. I've been very very cautious and he has been every very patient. But it's got to the point I can't wait for everyone to meet him.

I guess soon I'll put up a post about him, to share another story about some happiness in our new beginnings and how I found him on OLD


Me:BW 46, Him:WH 50
two kids DD14 and DS17
Married 26 years
OW 28, crew member (he was the ships captain)
"People are formed by their actions, not their ideals" unknown

Posts: 476 | Registered: May 2012 | From: Australia
Weatherly
♀ 18222
Member # 18222
Default  Posted: 7:37 AM, June 15th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I usually only post when I’m freaking out about something, the good typically gets left on the cutting room floor.

Me too, and Aussie is a great guy, but, I don't start posts about things like the fact he brings me flowers every Friday because, I don't think anyone cares, and I don't want to seem like I'm bragging.

I try not to post about the bad anymore either. We had an issue at the beginning of the year, and I knew if I'd posted I would get 2x4s, but, what would be the point? I'm married to him, I wasn't going to leave over this issue, so, I didn't need 2x4s. And, I don't post about how well he's done at resolving the issue because, I'm afraid it would be all "well, why was this even an issue ever?" Well...because nobody is perfect. I did post about triggering and how I was handling it and how he handled it, and how he was actually enforcing boundaries we had, and I kind of got told I shouldn't have those boundaries and to get over it. Even though both he and I were ok with it, and I was thrilled with the steps he took. So, I keep quiet about the bad now as well mostly.

We don't have much drama now, meaning issues to handle, so, I either want to vent when I'm frustrated or brag when I'm excited and don't feel comfortable doing either.


Me-29,Two boys, 10 and 9

It will all be ok in the end. If it's not ok, it's not the end

Happily remarried to a wonderful man (Aussie). I think I found the right guy and the right finger this time.


Posts: 4502 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: Indiana
better4me
♀ 30341
Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 10:44 PM, June 15th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have written and deleted numerous almost posts about so many things. Sometimes I type it and then realize that I already know what you all are going to say (I have an SI committee in my head and they are usually spot on); sometimes I type it and then I realize it is just a "Poor me" or a whine and I can deal with it on my own, sometimes I type it and then realize that I've messed up and don't need to broadcast it because I've already learned the lesson I needed to learn.

Mostly I think it is because I'm doing pretty well right now and need to do less venting or complaining or crying (we'll see how long that lasts ) SI was my only lifeline for so long and I have found other lifelines IRL to compliment this one.

To all of you who don't post the happy stuff because you think it sounds like "bragging" please reconsider. I love hearing about your happy news because it gives me hope!!


DDay 11/17/2010 BW:53
Divorced

Posts: 3236 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
SoHappyNow
♀ 8923
Member # 8923
Default  Posted: 12:43 PM, June 16th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I jumped into my relationship WAY too soon (according to conventional SI wisdom) after my beloved hubby died. The same way I jumped into my relationship with beloved hubby while separated from our spouses but neither of us were divorced.

My marriage turned out to be mostly great, with the exception of about 2.5 years of infidelity misery and his way too low libido. So far my new relationship with my SO/roomate is going in an excellent fashion!


In the depths of winter I finally learned there was in me an invincible summer..Albert Camus

***Used to be hit-by-a-train***
Remarried 2/14/14


Posts: 2299 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: USA
inconnu
♀ 24518
Member # 24518
Default  Posted: 2:30 PM, June 16th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'll admit it, there are things I'd probably post, if I hadn't met a bunch of SIers in person at g2gs. That's not to say I haven't said these things, aloud, under the influence, at a g2g (), but I digress...

Really, there's no relationship issues to post about. I could whine about the LD part and missing SO a lot, but that's not going to make anything change. And if I posted too much about the good stuff, I'd feel like I was bragging and hogging the forum.

As for other type of issues and not posting, yep, I'm guilty of that. I sat on some issues I was having for months and months, and didn't post about it because I felt whiny and pathetic and depressed. Once I finally did post, the support I got was remarkable and made a huge difference in how I was feeling, btw.


Say what you wanna say and let the words fall out...honestly
I wanna see you be brave

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect


Posts: 12172 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: DeepInTheHeartOf, TX
jo2love
♀ 31528
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 3:51 PM, June 16th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think I'd share once I knew it was something that would last.

First, I would need to want to start dating again.


Posts: 36480 | Registered: Mar 2011
Topic Posts: 26
Pages: 1 · 2

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