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Going dark on posting about your relationships

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Crescita posted 6/14/2013 11:25 AM

I think most of us are guilty to some extent; we cant put it all out there after all. However, were such a tight little community sometimes it shocks me to be out of the loop on things. At the same time, I understand how SI is not so anonymous for long term posters and some things can be a bit tough to share.

I usually only post when Im freaking out about something, the good typically gets left on the cutting room floor. Then there are other times when happenings are just embarrassing little melt downs and Id sooner forget than be handed a dozen 2x4s.

Just curious, what things make you all too shy to post?

million pieces posted 6/14/2013 11:36 AM

I too only post if I'm freaking.

I was too shy to post about my current SO/relationship for a long time because I started it too soon. While I don't think it was too soon to date, it was too soon to be in a relationship and meet a guy that I could fall in love with. Luckily I was IC throughout the first 1.5 yrs of my relationship and he was 1 hr away and we only saw each other EOW (when we didn't have our kids). And he can't text on his work phone, so we had to have real conversations Honestly it all sounded too good to be true and I wouldn't believe it if someone else had posted about it. But I think he is great, my friends and family think he is great, his friends and family do and his ex's friends and family love him too (his ex's BF is the one who actually set us up in the beginning).

jennie160 posted 6/14/2013 12:17 PM

I'm guilty of this too.

I had one of those embarrassing melt downs a few weeks ago. SO had gone to Vegas for a long weekend for a bachelor party. I trust him and hadn't had any concerned thoughts leading up to the trip. But I stupidly decided that it would be a good time to let mother nature run it's course. Needless to say, my hormones turned me into a psycho. "I bet he's cheating on me right now" "Now I will have to breakup with him" "How am I going to get all my stuff back" ect. Luckily, I realized what was going on and kept myself busy so I didn't act on my psycho thought (calling him every 5 min accusing him of cheating) and once my hormones leveled out I was fine again.

wonderingbull posted 6/14/2013 12:27 PM

Raising hand...

It's a jungle out there.... Being out of the dating world for a quarter of a century and being back in it is not for the faint of heart...


caregiver9000 posted 6/14/2013 12:29 PM

I tend to not post about a new relationship because I am afraid I will jinx it. And when it fizzles, I have a hard time coming on here and admitting I have been dating without posting and whining about the ending... Yeah, in my mind that post can go one of two ways:

I talk about how great he was and that is why I dated him and now I am super sad about the break up.

OR, I highlight the reasons it ended and then I am wondering why I even dated him in the first place...

Not that there has been a lot to write about mind you. But that is my thought process when I get my toes even near the water... you know, if it looks like rain and I am barefoot.

cmego posted 6/14/2013 13:24 PM

There isn't anything to report? Chatted with a few guys that fizzled, nothing going on. Haven't liked anyone is a loooong time and not really caring.

I just feel....ehhh. I'm taking a break from IC for the summer, I pulled my dd out of IC. My IC said I've been dealing with really intense stuff for a long time and I just need a break.


little turtle posted 6/14/2013 16:41 PM

There isn't usually anything to post. We're pretty boring.

Crescita posted 6/14/2013 16:52 PM

There isn't usually anything to post. We're pretty boring.

I wouldn't call getting engaged boring Congrats!

little turtle posted 6/14/2013 16:54 PM

that's why I said "usually" Thanks, Crescita!

Sad in AZ posted 6/14/2013 17:10 PM

I'd like to say that I don't post when things are going really well because I feel guilty about waving that in front of others who are struggling...

But then I'd have to delete my post about how well I'm doing after my 6th antiversary--and that's against the rules

persevere posted 6/14/2013 17:32 PM

I'm also in the "don't want to jinx it" camp, however, I did post about the break up a month ago.

I did not, however, post about my not so bright recent decision to "be friends" which after only about four days did not work out well. (Pretty much ended up as a last fling together). There is a reason for NC. Repeat - there is a reason for NC. (Inset "Palm to forehead" here) Yes, that's a bit embarrassing because, let's face it, I knew better...

tabitha95 posted 6/14/2013 17:50 PM

OMG.... so true.

I posted about the end of my relationship...then pulled the stupid card and started seeing him again. I'm seeing the same things I was unhappy with immediately.

I feel so weak that I did this.

I didn't want to share with SI because you were all supportive when it was ending.

I feel so messed up.

SBB posted 6/14/2013 19:58 PM

I tend not not post threads about things I KNOW I'm going to get 2x4'd about.

I've had more than a few complications with some casual romances. They wanted more than casual - I am not ready for it. Even if I was it wouldn't be with these guys.

I wanted to post here for perspectives and also to rant about them but thought better of it.

I was upfront with these guys that I wasn't interested in a relationship further than FWB. I thought we were on the same page.

Being honest upfront doesn't mean feelings don't get hurt. People will get attached no matter how clear you make it that you don't want attachment.

I've sort of stepped away from it all. The drama outweighed the benefits. I don't know that it hindered my healing but it certainly didn't make me feel like a good person.


Basically I don't post here about it because I know that the 2x4s I'd get would be spot on and absolutely right. Right now I hate the damned bus more than I hate knowing that they are right.

[This message edited by StrongButBroken at 7:59 PM, June 14th (Friday)]

InnerLight posted 6/14/2013 22:50 PM

I don't post much about me and SO because there is so little drama. We're both working too much and exhausted. He's spending all his money on dental work and has very little left over to spend on us. Fortunately I like camping but I'm a bit down about the lack of funds and so is he. See, boring, right?! Zzzzzzzz I put myself to sleep.

MyVoice posted 6/15/2013 00:38 AM

Yep I'm guilty. I've been dating a guy for three months, I keep on almost posting about him but trying to just let it develop slowly and naturally, without constantly psychoanalysing the life out of it!(not easy)

Funny timing with this thread because he is meeting my sister and her husband tonight ,up to now he hasn't meet anyone I know. I've been very very cautious and he has been every very patient. But it's got to the point I can't wait for everyone to meet him.

I guess soon I'll put up a post about him, to share another story about some happiness in our new beginnings and how I found him on OLD

Weatherly posted 6/15/2013 07:37 AM

I usually only post when Im freaking out about something, the good typically gets left on the cutting room floor.

Me too, and Aussie is a great guy, but, I don't start posts about things like the fact he brings me flowers every Friday because, I don't think anyone cares, and I don't want to seem like I'm bragging.

I try not to post about the bad anymore either. We had an issue at the beginning of the year, and I knew if I'd posted I would get 2x4s, but, what would be the point? I'm married to him, I wasn't going to leave over this issue, so, I didn't need 2x4s. And, I don't post about how well he's done at resolving the issue because, I'm afraid it would be all "well, why was this even an issue ever?" Well...because nobody is perfect. I did post about triggering and how I was handling it and how he handled it, and how he was actually enforcing boundaries we had, and I kind of got told I shouldn't have those boundaries and to get over it. Even though both he and I were ok with it, and I was thrilled with the steps he took. So, I keep quiet about the bad now as well mostly.

We don't have much drama now, meaning issues to handle, so, I either want to vent when I'm frustrated or brag when I'm excited and don't feel comfortable doing either.

better4me posted 6/15/2013 22:44 PM

I have written and deleted numerous almost posts about so many things. Sometimes I type it and then realize that I already know what you all are going to say (I have an SI committee in my head and they are usually spot on); sometimes I type it and then I realize it is just a "Poor me" or a whine and I can deal with it on my own, sometimes I type it and then realize that I've messed up and don't need to broadcast it because I've already learned the lesson I needed to learn.

Mostly I think it is because I'm doing pretty well right now and need to do less venting or complaining or crying (we'll see how long that lasts ) SI was my only lifeline for so long and I have found other lifelines IRL to compliment this one.

To all of you who don't post the happy stuff because you think it sounds like "bragging" please reconsider. I love hearing about your happy news because it gives me hope!!

SoHappyNow posted 6/16/2013 12:43 PM

I jumped into my relationship WAY too soon (according to conventional SI wisdom) after my beloved hubby died. The same way I jumped into my relationship with beloved hubby while separated from our spouses but neither of us were divorced.

My marriage turned out to be mostly great, with the exception of about 2.5 years of infidelity misery and his way too low libido. So far my new relationship with my SO/roomate is going in an excellent fashion!

inconnu posted 6/16/2013 14:30 PM

I'll admit it, there are things I'd probably post, if I hadn't met a bunch of SIers in person at g2gs. That's not to say I haven't said these things, aloud, under the influence, at a g2g (), but I digress...

Really, there's no relationship issues to post about. I could whine about the LD part and missing SO a lot, but that's not going to make anything change. And if I posted too much about the good stuff, I'd feel like I was bragging and hogging the forum.

As for other type of issues and not posting, yep, I'm guilty of that. I sat on some issues I was having for months and months, and didn't post about it because I felt whiny and pathetic and depressed. Once I finally did post, the support I got was remarkable and made a huge difference in how I was feeling, btw.

jo2love posted 6/16/2013 15:51 PM

I think I'd share once I knew it was something that would last.

First, I would need to want to start dating again.

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