You need to ask questions that figure out WHY they allowed this to happen. What, in their head, made this choice okay in their mind. Where do they draw their boundary lines and why did they cross them? Why did they think they could do this without consequences, and IS THIS THE PERSON THEY WANT TO BE?
WH and I have been talking a lot about that last one. When we first met, we talked a lot about what we wanted to DO with our lives. Now we're focusing on who we want to be IN our lives.
I don't care if it was a ONS or a 3 year affair... in either scenario the WS needs to figure out why they allowed themselves to cross a boundary line. What were they seeking? In what kind of environment could this happen again? And what tools are going to be developed to ensure it doesn't happen again.
Me: FWW (STA 2002), now a BW.
Him: FWH (OW1: 2006-2007), now just WH (OW2: 2010-2013)
I will never stop trying... because when you find 'the one' you never give up. (Cal Weaver)