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tesla posted 6/14/2013 13:31 PM

Ex-shat has been texting me little updates regarding their vacation. I can't decide how I feel about this. Is he just trying to be a good coparent (it would be a first)? Or is there something else going on?
Do I text back a 'thanks'?
He knows that I'm going to call every other night...it's not really anything I need to know that I wouldn't learn when I talk to Teslet tonight...ie, they arrived at their destination.

Unfortunately, this guy is kinda damned if he does and damned if he doesn't as far as I'm concerned. Is that my problem or a reasonable expectation he should have of me as he was the one that epically fucked up?

Ok, back to house project...

Kajem posted 6/14/2013 13:40 PM

It wouldn't surprise me if he was texting you because he is being sidelined.. aka bored with his life. When an affair partner moves in, a job opening is created.

On to more important subject than asshat, and his updates for the sake of being an asshat.

What's the home project?

[This message edited by Kajem at 1:41 PM, June 14th (Friday)]

Lola2kids posted 6/14/2013 13:50 PM

I think it's really the damned if he does damned if he doesn't.
I feel the same way with Ex. He's a POS if he does and a POS if he doesn't do (blank).
Basically I just think he's a POS.

We all know ex-shat is a POS.

Enjoy your call with Testlet. I bet it will be good to hear his little voice.

Mojo for the house project too.

devistatedmom posted 6/14/2013 15:18 PM

If my XH was taking the kids far away, I would appreciate a text knowing they got there safe. I do the same for him. It's just nice to know the kids aren't still travelling down some highway and safe, you know?

Now, if he's texting you saying they are at the pool, now they are going on this ride or that....he's just being an ass trying to show what a good time they are having.

peridot posted 6/14/2013 16:10 PM

If he's updating with they arrived there safely, some sort of daily update that Teslet's okay, etc. I would send a "thanks" but if it's just we went on this ride or we did this or that I don't think it really needs a reply. That's stuff you will find out from Teslet any way.

SBB posted 6/14/2013 19:00 PM

I would respond to the "we got here safely" - crickets to the rest.

When an affair partner moves in, a job opening is created.

Too true.

this guy is kinda damned if he does and damned if he doesn't

Right you are. They are just damned.

I tend to lump all behaviour into one big box. "Oh he's being nice", "Oh he's being nasty". The nasty doesn't make me wonder about the nice nor does the nice make me wonder about the nasty.

That is just how he rolls - up one minute, down the next. I had to tolerate his moody biiiiiartch behaviour for almost a decade. I don't need to anymore - yay!

I tend to brace myself when he's being 'nice' because it usually means theres a big nasty coming my way.

'Nice' contact doesn't change the way you deal with it. Only things you need to acknowledge or respond to. Crickets to the rest.

This kind of shit can lead to another bout of the hideous 'what ifs'. I find the 'WTF-evers' are a good antidote.

[This message edited by StrongButBroken at 7:12 PM, June 14th (Friday)]

tesla posted 6/14/2013 19:52 PM

The project today is to sand and refinish my dining room table and chairs.

I suppose I can manage being polite to the guy over the arrival text. Just makes me suspicious.

gahurts posted 6/15/2013 06:29 AM

Just take it at face value if you can. If he is sending you updates on what Teslet is doing or (hopefully) sending a few pictures then repond to that accordingly. XWW and I will tag the older kids in pictures on FB intentionally so that each other can see them. Then when he goes back to normal ignore his a$$. As long as it doesn't upset you to do so. If it does then NC all the way.

My point is to focus on what Teslet is doing. Now if these texts are about what exshat and stripper whore are doing then crickets is all that is needed.

stronger08 posted 6/15/2013 06:50 AM

I'm lucky that my son is old enough to fill her in if he feels inclined to do so. Shit, most of the stuff that goes on when he is with her I find out after the fact. And some stuff that I feel I should be informed of I might add. But she does not give me the respect of knowing. So I do the same. Unless its an emergency situation I try and keep my time with the child to myself. I'll post pics of our events to my sons FB for him. And I know for a fact that she accesses his account and checks up on me. But I have nothing to hide and honestly don't really care if she does. I don't put much personal info available in cyber space. I do have a rather attractive platonic female friend that I do a lot of things with. And she has asked my son about her. That's how I know she looks at his FB page.

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