The last few days have been really good, illuminating ones for us. There has been some stress, as FWH has had to start facing the consequences of his DUI. He’s had to go to the DMV for paperwork and to get a photo ID since his temporary license doesn’t have a face on it. He’s had to spend hours registering and learning about the mandated classes he has to take. He has the realization of exactly how much TIME this is going to take away from us he needs to go 2 nights a week for 90 days, plus have other single-time commitments that will take hours each. The initial birds are starting to come to roost and there are still more consequences to come, as these are only the DMVs minimum requirements and we still have the suspension to come up as well as the court’s sentencing of their requirements.
So, understandably, it’s been a bit stressful for him, and stressful for me in that I am wondering where his head is at since, previously in times of stress, he would turn to his computer, porn, live girly chats, and the strip clubs. Obviously I’m still monitoring, but I can’t see the inside of his head.
About a week ago, I asked him if he still thought that the stripper, MA, that he had a several year EA with, truly had an honest connection with him. This is something that has been a big stressor for me since, while he has acknowledged that she was obviously there to make money from him, that he also felt that they had a true connection. He said that while he realized that she was there to make money, he really did feel that there was “something” there between them. That he didn’t feel it now, but he thought that it had been there. I told him a bit about the Hustler Hut, which someone gave the link to, and told him about several of the “chats” that I read about how to hustle the most money from a mark, how to get them to go to a VIP room, how to take them for their last dime and leave them wanting to come back for more, and even how to talk them into hitting the ATM again the same night. That there were entire sites for women to teach them the key phrases, body language, and how to fake interest by asking certain questions and then shutting up and just agreeing with them. He got a bit thoughtful about that and told me that it made sense to him.
So today, as I drove in to work with him (date night tonight so I’ll pick him up from work), I asked him again, what he thought about MA and his connection to him. He told me that he had told his IC yesterday about the conversation that we had had, and that he thought that I was right. There was no connection just a desire from her to get as much cash as she could from a customer that she had marked down as safe, and a fantasy on his part that even though he paid her, that on some deep level, she truly cared. He then told me that he had felt no need to go to any of those places because why pay someone to pretend that they liked and cared about you when you knew what the real thing was? He then apologized for ever thinking that some fake person was special to him. That he knew what true love and caring and nurturing was because he had it at home. That he was so sorry that he had lost sight of that and let himself detach so much that he forgot what was true and honest. And reassured me that he was working as hard as he could to never go there again.
The healing continues. For both of us.
Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.
D-Day, June 10, 2012