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Yet another rough day

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TattoodChinaDoll posted 6/14/2013 13:46 PM

Is this like when you buy a new car? You never see it on the roads but once you buy it, it's everywhere. All the little things...why is it necessary universe?!?!? Really?!?!? Going to a baby shower tomorrow. It was painful enough to buy a card and present...does every woman in Target have to be 9 months pregnant? Does every Facebook post have to be ultrasounds?

Besides that, I noticed that the baby's crocs were chewed up. This is the 4th pair of shoes (maybe more) that the inlaws' dogs have chewed. For the love of Christ, have some respect for someone else's stuff and pay attention. Especially if this has happened before. Stop with the fucking, "oh they are just dogs." And you are a human and supposed to be smarter. Remember to take shoes and put them up high. Be the adult for fucks sake.

I wish I had the support of an SO. You know...not from a friend or your parents. The kind of safe feeling only a SO can give. I can't believe I ever thought what he offered me was ok or any form of love. It was love for himself.

TattoodChinaDoll posted 6/14/2013 16:33 PM

You gotta be effing kidding me!!!!!!!!!! I don't know how many more little pokes I can take. I said it after Mother's Day (first Mother's Day after the miscarriage). When WH didn't comfort me, watched me cry, didn't support me after being asked. Then the day after receiving an email from the company I bought the urn to bury the baby from, asking for a review of the product. When can you say yes, the universe is after me? Now today with the Facebook posts, and having to buy a shower gift and go through congratulations on your baby cards, and literally pregnant women at every corner....I thought it could be over for today. But no. I go to the mailbox and see a bill from a hospital. DD7 and DD4 have recently been in the ER. Then it hits me. I didn't take them to this hospital. The last time I was there was when I took myself because I started bleeding more heavily. At that point my cervix was closed and the baby was still in me. And it was. A bill for my copay....5 months later....on a tough day I was having regarding that. I just feel so alone. No love or support. And I feel bad for feeling bad because of all the times he has told me I was wrong for feeling how I do. But it's just me and the kids. I'm trying to hold it on because I need to make dinner. I hate having to pretend. I've had to pretend for so long...that he wasn't hurting me, that I was wrong for feeling hurt.

[This message edited by TattoodChinaDoll at 4:34 PM, June 14th (Friday)]

JustDone posted 6/14/2013 16:50 PM

I'm so sorry. (((((TattoodChinaDoll)))))

numbandnauseous posted 6/14/2013 17:13 PM

TCD - just wanted to say you have been heard, we have been there and I am so sorry. I lost a baby too and I grieved a long time over it. I know the feeling of feeling sad to see other pregnant women/baby showers and then feeling guilty that you aren't happy for them. The pretending is awful too.

Hugs to you, hon. Be gentle with yourself and pamper yourself tonight with a bath, glass of wine, or a walk with the kids if the weather is nice.


tabitha95 posted 6/14/2013 17:44 PM

I'm sorry ((TCD))

It is hard to not have someone to help ease us through stressful and painful times.

It makes the pain so much more unbearable when we feel lonely.

You'll get through this and be stronger for it, but it sucks that you are struggling right now. I'm so sorry!!

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