Forgive and forget = Relive and regret.
We all wish for our WS to feel something for us. We want them to feel real remorse. We want them to GET what their A did to us.
I was there. I worked hard to fix my WW. I wanted her to feel those things. I wanted her to be a remorseful WS like many of the WW that post here on SI.
But you cant create something from nothing. A plant will never grow there there is no seed. Our WS will either GET it or they wont. They will either have remorse and will feel the pain they have inflicted upon us, or they will not.
I prayed. I wished. I hoped. I argued. I spied. I insisted on concealing. I insisted on transparency. The more I pushed and insisted and wished and hoped, the more resistance I got from my WW. The more I pushed the less likely it was that she would feel these things.
It took me a long time to realize that there was nothing I could do. There was no seed there. There was noting I could do and nothing to be done. And I realized that the smart thing for me to do was to do nothing. Just let it be. And let WW be.
Trying to fix a WS is like chasing Alice down the rabbit hole. Insanity lies that way. And nothing will come of it.
I feel that a WS either gets it right away or they never will. The seed is either there or it is not. Either way there is nothing we can do about it. Neither god or man can create something out of nothing. The seed must be there and the WS has to be willing to care for it. We cannot force that to happen. If you try, nothing will work and you will only get anger, resentment, and resistance in return.
We are each in this life alone. We travel the path we travel alone. Along the way we learn what we can and at death take that and move on with it. Every person has their own path to follow. We cant force another person to follow our path. They must follow their own because they have their own lessons to learn.
No point to this other than to say that to hope and wish and pester and demand and cajole and force our WS to feel something will in the end come to nothing. Let them know how they hurt you. It will either matter to them or it wont. If it does matter they will find that seed and care for it. If not they wont.
All we can control is our self. Watch your WS. They know the boundaries. Threats wont matter. They will either cross them or they wont. What they do is either ok with you or it isnt. You can choose to stay or go. That is all you can do.
[This message edited by Razor at 2:56 PM, June 14th (Friday)]
Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man.