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really not sure how to tle this???

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seekingtomorrow posted 6/14/2013 14:54 PM

my hubby and I had a chat today that is now playing on my mind, my partner,, if it comes to a discussion in which we disagree will always back down but do so in a defeatist 'if that's what you want' attitude, he will then often (not always) go and do whatever it is at a later date anyway when the conversation is 'out of date' as hes made more money than expected or whatever it is I was worried about in the first place has by his perception been overcome.

it makes me feel more like his mum than his partner, as if he feels he has to do as I say, or not ask in case I say no, I thought we had overcome it as we had started to talk more openly, but today was a set back. of all the silly things my partner would like to get a new console,,, he was discussing the merits of getting two new consoles as our money had improved, I said I was concerned about the impact one, let alone two consoles would have on our family as id seen how involved he can get with them, and he just gave in,, 'ok then' he said and left it there, it took so much work for me to drag it out into an actual conversation , in which he admitted that he would have probably just gone and got them anyway knowing I would not make him take them back once hed got them,, surly if we disagree he should be having an adult conversation with me,, I shouldn't have to do all the work to meet a middle ground,, I really thought we were getting past this,,, i have wondered if my partner enjoys breaking the rules and not getting caught and he'll do it with the big things (which is why we are here) a the small things. ive found no evidence of he big things since our second D-day but im still finding the small things and the general 'in you face' behaviour which when we are still in such a vulnerable position makes me wonder if 'R' is possible. i think in some ways i come across as controlling, but i don't think i am ,,,an example of what i ma, he says he wants to loose weigh, i suggest family wide changes, he agrees to the changes without any fight,, then sneaks junk food and hides the evidence, now ok i can't control what he eats but if he didn't want to agree to my suggestions why can't he be a grown up and say actually no i don't like that rather than agree a then sneak around, , unless the sneaking around is half the point???.

hemademesingle posted 6/14/2013 17:39 PM

Is he in counselling? Are you in counselling?

Sounds kinda like a passive aggressive,

seekingtomorrow posted 6/15/2013 01:14 AM

no, neither of u is in counselling as it has been far too expensive, however finances are improving so im thinking we'll hopefully start soon, though he's very resentful of how much it will cost.

we were actually able to talk about this and a few other things last night, it as good and he accepts that he needs to change in this area,, lets just see if anything happens now.

movingforward13 posted 6/15/2013 17:07 PM

Google passive aggressive men and read about them. This will only get worse.

seekingtomorrow posted 6/16/2013 02:33 AM

i did look up passive aggressive men as well as passive aggressive behaviour and your right there's an awful lot of him in the description,, but then there's an awful lot of me in the description of passive aggressive behaviour as well.

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