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jojo42 (original poster member #37583) posted at 1:18 AM on Saturday, June 15th, 2013
Less than 2 weeks out from the (hopefully) final, full disclosure D-Day.
My WH suggested he enable his "find my iphone" app for me so I could periodically check up on him last week. It felt good that he took the initiative to do something I had not even thought about to help make me feel better when I'm triggering. Today, he said he was out working on the field and I got a weird feeling (as I often do while he's at work because that's when his A was occurring- work hours), so I went to check the app. It tells me location services has been disabled. I called him very upset, asked him how he could do that, told him to turn it on right away and prove where he was.
I could tell over the phone he wanted to get angry and tell me to f- off, but he kept his cool, said he knew this was all his fault. He sent me screen shots that showed on his phone that everything was on (location services, find my iphone), he sent me a picture of where he was. He said that as frustrating as it is to have to live like this, he'll do whatever it takes to earn my trust again.
I looked into the reasons as to thy the app wasn't working, it turned out to be a pretty common glitch with the phone, told us how to fix it, and he was able to do it as per the instructions.
As ridiculous as it all might seem from an outsider perspective, not being able to locate him really set me off, and I was very happy with the way he handled it to make me feel better. I really hope I don't have to live feeling like this forever though...
Me: 30, BS
Him: 30, WH
Married: 1 year, together for 7 years
1st child due in Sept 2013
DDay: 09/02/12, 09/22/12 admitted to EA ,false R, then 06/02/13 found out about PA & EA with same woman (OW is a coworker)
Hoping for R
Zayda1 ( member #35387) posted at 1:23 AM on Saturday, June 15th, 2013
Wow, he reacted exactly how I would like him to react and you reacted exactly how I would have reacted.
Kudos to your WH for being proactive and for keeping control of his emotions in check when you were triggering.
It gives me hope when I see a wayward spouse who gets it.
Married 10 years, together for 12 years
2 children (9 years & 6 years)
Discovery of PA 04/15/12 (It only lasted a "couple of weeks" but it still shattered my world.)
gonnabe2016 ( member #34823) posted at 3:22 AM on Saturday, June 15th, 2013
Just a caution about the locator apps....they aren't always completely reliable....as you've found. Another 'glitch' that I've seen is that the actual location is not always *spot-on*.
It's nice to see that your WH went out of his way to reassure you that all was well. As long as he continues to be contrite and remorseful, the days like today will slow down. As some say around here.....just keep swimming.
"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott
In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.
Ladyogilvy ( member #31558) posted at 6:05 AM on Saturday, June 15th, 2013
I can second what gonnabe wrote. They are not completely accurate and are unreliable but if your WH understands that and can reassure you when you call, that's good.
Me: BW 57. Him: alcoholic, sober now, WH 65Married stopped counting after too many disappointing anniversaries. Two sons, 24&25 years old. He's still keeping secrets and only admits to what I have indisputable evidence of.
Skan ( member #35812) posted at 5:54 PM on Saturday, June 15th, 2013
I had a similar thing happen to me and my FWH also handled it very well. These things will happen and both of you need to know that. Please be sure to tell your WH how much you appreciated his helping you through that trigger. Just as we need to hold them strictly accountable for their screw-ups, we do need to acknowledge when they are giving us what we need. (((hugs)))
Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.
D-Day, June 10, 2012
Lionne ( member #25560) posted at 11:43 PM on Saturday, June 15th, 2013
Ditto to what the others say about glitches. And, I checked a LOT in the early days and hardly check at all now. But I do, from time to time, and if there is a glitch, I STILL get that sinking feeling, even though I am 95% certain SAfWH is being reliable. I suspect it never will go away completely.
I think the locator apps are useful for recovery as long as you realize they aren't 100% trustworthy and you FWH is able to reassure you.
Me-BS-71 in May HIM-SAFWH-74 I just wanted a normal life.Normal trauma would have been appreciated.
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