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An Email An Asshole Didn't Return. (language!)

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MoreThanMe posted 6/14/2013 19:21 PM

Jackwagon ebay guy I sold my camera to sent the most asshole email ever-and I replied. And yes I do feel much. much, better. Note to self-if someone has crap feedback there's a reason and cancel their bid. Oh my god this guy. I don't know why I'm posting it here. I think it's funny-and hated to hide my bat shit crazy personality from you guys. Haha.

What about me says I'm not going to be fair in issuing a refund? I got the box late last night and noticed that you took over a hundred pictures before returning it because "it didn't match the description." I wanted to be fair and decide if it was worth my time to call you out on a lie that you "you never took it out of the box."

I was about an hour away from emailing you to tell you I would refund your by the close business today. I'm in a journal meeting for the editoral board-if you look on the State's Journal-my name will come up. at -you;ll see me because I gave you my real name. Not to mention my personal cell phone because I didn't want you to worry that you wouldn't get the camera in time and how to get in sooner because "I've waited by the mailbox many a time for new camera or lens."

You haven't even given me 24 hours to respond to you. I get the feeling you don't have children so the following will mean nothing: as it happens my three year old got stung by six bees (I'd bet $1k that the otherwise awesome nanny was texting her husband-how the hell did 6 bees have the time to sting my child, she wasn't moving and that shit takes a minute.).

Since her father is deathly allergic to bees-I overreacted and (if you don't have children you'll want to skip the next part-you will think it gross.) Not having liquid benedryl- I made her warm milk within about 60 seconds. I took an adult bendryl pill cut in half with my teeth and dissolved the rest in my mouth because I assumed this wasn't the time for her to learn how to swallow a pill and put it in her milk-I did this despite having a raging sinus infection that I thought might be contagious-I figured it was the lesser of two evils. I could go on and on about spending time in the ER for her bee stings and then urgent care to get antibiotics for my raging sinus infection-but either you get it by now or you won't.

I know this sounds like the craziest bullshit story you've ever heard (I've really stopped cursing-how horrible would it be to hear this language from a three year old? but there is a time and a place and holyfuckingassholemotherfucker if this isn't one I don't know what is.) If you'd like -I'm happy to scan, redact any info, to show you my desperate texts to my husband and dr notes, Rx's.

When you sent that asshole email you should have known (you appear to be old enough to have learned this years ago?) every single time you act like an asshole you will end up knowing that you, indeed, are an asshole-because the vast majority of people, like me, and God hope, you most of the time-are ultimately good people and if they do something that doesn't gel with that-there is probably a reason.

Which is why every time you act an asshole for a minute-the heavens will tell you that you are. You know like when you honk at someone who made some insane driving move-they always end up being elderly or disabled. And if not those two things then rest assured they're going through something -like a divorce, finding out their son has autism-or some of the shit you've been through that made you space something for a couple of hours.

So do the right thing split the shipping with me (if you did, in fact, use the camera)-or even for this email that I took the time to write that might keep you from acting like a total asshole again.

I know this is long and you probably think I'm crazy-but honestly my child going through the most painful thing she's ever known while I wasn't watching her (again you may not get this-but ohmygod the guilt-seriously what flipping shoplifter I defend is worth my not watching my child? ) stressed me the motherfuckingholyshit out and I really fucking needed a fucking good release.

Leave whatever bad rating you want, report me to ebay I don't give flying fuck. One because I don't give a flying fuck and two-one click through to your feedback versus mine will show everyone who doesn't play well with others.

As I was about to tell you-I'll refund your money by the close of business because, you know, I'm a fair person who just happened to have some stressful shit yesterday.

HFSSC posted 6/14/2013 19:48 PM

This is one of the greatest emails I have EVER read. You rock. I hope your baby is much better soon. I know that had to be miserable.

Jrazz posted 6/14/2013 20:52 PM

Testify!! (((MTM)))

Random thoughts posted 6/14/2013 22:23 PM

MoreThanMe posted 6/15/2013 19:32 PM

Thanks you guys. I googled his name IRL . When I saw his picture (he has a very unique name) -I thought-OMGawd-of course! That's what he looks like-
-twenty something Justin Bieber look alike-with his hat to the side just so.
Ahhh, youth so wasted on the young.

He hasn't returned my email-he knows he was a jerk-and lied! No need to hold a grudge esp. when I just sold it for more.

Lucky2HaveMe posted 6/16/2013 07:24 AM

Ahhh, youth so wasted on the young.

You just made the quote thread!
No truer words have ever been spoken. My grandfather used to say "Too bad we don't live our lives backwards - think of how smart teenagers would be!"

MoreThanMe posted 6/17/2013 13:45 PM

That's really cool. Usually, I'm the #1 thread killer-I think because I post in the middle of the night. Or so I tell myself.

That is a great saying (I don't know where I got that from-except not my brain.)
But an even better saying- "It's too bad that we are charged with making the most important decisions when we are least capable of doing so." -like who we marry, what we do as a living- said by my friend's dad in law school-so true.

lynnm1947 posted 6/17/2013 13:53 PM

Youth is wasted on the young.

George Bernard Shaw, that noted Irish curmudgeon, coined this phrase. MoreThanMe has just coined a few more!

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