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extremely lonely-just need someone to talk to.

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letitout posted 6/14/2013 21:31 PM

So I went to this conference for my profession to meet people and to get my mind off my WH and his whores. But, all the participants I have met brought their families or have friends. I have been eating alone, staying in my room and crying about my life. All I see is happy couples and friends all laughing and I have never felt so alone and devastating sadness to the point where I just want to die. I don't see a future ahead of me or anybody in it. I don't see myself happy. I feel am alone in this world and nothing I do can change it no matter how hard I am trying to fix myself. I just need someone to talk to.

Ostrich80 posted 6/14/2013 21:48 PM

Letitout. I'm so sorry your feeling lonely. Do you have hobbies or something you like to doin your spare time? Maybe there's a clubyou could join. Are you S or still living with ws? Do you have a good friend that like to travel or even just meeting for lunch and a shopping date can do wonders. Ic really helped me. My friends and fam were all pretty tired of me talking about my sich but a counselor is really good for getting things off of our chest plus giving some positive feedback. If your not taking AD's, I can personally say they really helped get me out of the pit I was in. Post often and you will get support here and even some laughter sometimes.

[This message edited by Ostrich80 at 9:50 PM, June 14th (Friday)]

gonnabe2016 posted 6/14/2013 21:50 PM

Well shit. I so want to post some really touchy-feely message to you....but I can't. Being in an environment where you are surrounded by 'happy' people and happy couples just sucks. It's why I stopped attending my church and just white-knuckle my way through school/sports events.

I remember in May, my son was being inducted into the National Honor Society....I got there early and I sat and watched all of his friends parents trickle in. Moms and dads that are 'together.' I sat there alone. It was freaking awful. Yes I spoke to them all and laughed and was proud of my son....but, damn. THIS is NOT how my life was supposed to turn out, kwim?

Honey, you do have a future ahead of you. We are born alone and we will die alone. The only person that you can count on is yourself. It'll take a while to re-configure your life.....but it WILL happen. You will get through this. You will. Certain things will continue to sting, but you'll handle it. Seeing 'happy' families *still* really bothers me....but I just have a "what can I do about it" attitude. I just have to re-adjust because 'that' isn't MY reality anymore.

Just keep plugging along.

RockyMtn posted 6/14/2013 21:55 PM

Hey letitout. I like gonnabe's approach, so I won't add much. Except that it sucks to go to something like a professional event...where you'd THINK the focus would not be on couples/families...and have it turn out that way.

Find some things to do that are truly for individuals. Maybe a class at the community college or yoga/gym class or a knitting circle or something. I think getting out and getting your mind off of things is crucial - and finding something that is not family/couple focused would be the first requirement.

Hang in.

Jospehine85 posted 6/14/2013 21:57 PM


I felt that way too. It DOES get gradually better.

Your WH is not your life. Your life is going to be what you make of it from here on out.

Call a friend and arrange an evening out with her.

Talk to us on SI. We are here for you. You are not alone. ALl the BSs on here can empathize with how you feel. We understand.

The WSs here have seen your pain in their own BSs. They too can have words of wisdom for you. Read some of Baxter's posts in the "Questions for WS from BS" thread in the I CAN RELATE forum.

letitout posted 6/14/2013 22:14 PM

Thanks for all your support guys. Your caring comments meant a lot to me. I wish I had something really cool to say to you all, but I don't, so I'm just going to go to bed now. Tomorrow is another day and I will probably be feeling better. Just tired right now.

Nature_Girl posted 6/14/2013 22:20 PM

There are lots of us here in our 50's. It's not easy to reshape how we think about our future when we're this age, but we're doing it. For me, I had to pull back my vision to just one day at a time, getting through the pain & process. Only recently have I been able to envision a future that's a couple years out. I don't have a solid plan yet, but I can say that I have hope. There's hope for you, too.

ScubaGirl posted 6/15/2013 01:37 AM

I remember that feeling. It's devastating.

The thing is, I love being on my own - never had a problem at all with him being away for business. Never felt lonely or sad. So I couldn't fathom why I suddenly felt as if I couldn't breathe from loneliness once it all hit the fan.

Loneliness is about more than not having the physical company of another person, it's about not having someone in your corner, the feeling that there's no-one out there who really has your back. And to see other people who all *seem* to have that, yep, I remember how it sucks.

I wish I could help take it away somehow.

Vulcanized posted 6/15/2013 03:18 AM

One thing that made me feel better was to start doing something that XH didn't like me doing. In my specific instance, XH didn't like me shooting pool. So ... I formed a team and we play league once a week.

Is there any hobby you pushed out to accommodate your H? Any way you can start that up again?

As tough as it is now, it does get better.


longjourney posted 6/15/2013 09:36 AM

Like ScubaGirl said, loneliness is more than just being alone. The loneliest I've ever been was being in the same room with my WH while he aggressively ignored me. After I finally left, I was alone but less lonely.

I do have trigger moments sometimes, like when I see older couples around my age out and holding hands and it kind of breaks my heart that I don't have that in my life. But -- it does get better. I honestly didn't realize how unhappy I had become until, some months out, I discovered that my stress levels were going down and I could actually smile a lot of the time. There is a future for you too, and you definitely will be happy again.

letitout posted 6/15/2013 09:53 AM

Thanks again for your kind comments. They all resonated with me and I did not feel so alone. Thanks for SI. I am feeling better this morning. This is the last day of the conference. I get to go down this morning and hear everybody's wonderful time they had with their wonderful family's. ugg. All of what you said is true about finding my own way without relying on my WH. I feel like I know most of you through your other posts and it feels good not to be alone in this.

TrustGone posted 6/15/2013 10:03 AM

I can relate to your sitch. I am lonely most of the time, even when WH#2 is at home. He drinks and gets stupid and I go to another part of the house. I actually feel less alone when he isn't here now than when he is. After DDay, I did start to connect with some old friends and try to make myself go visit at least one of them a week for lunch, shopping, etc... I remember when XWH#1 and I D'd. I had no friends outside work that were not his friends and my little bit of family lived thousands of miles away. My only outside work support was my x-BIL and SIL. They stuck beside me through it all. Unfortunately they D'd a few years ago. I started hanging out with a few single friends from work and that's how I met WH#2. I am not shy, so I know if I really want friends I can find them. I have gotten more particular who I am friends with now. If they did nothing to support me during my crisis times, then they are not really friends and I write them off as such. SI also gives me a place to get support and I consider my friends on here as true friends even though I have never met them and probably never will. They are there when I need them to be and for that I am forever grateful. Get out of the house, join a gym, take a class, pick up a new hobby, volunteer somewhere. There are lots of ways to meet new friends. Just like me you have to come out of your shell. Good Luck and feel free to PM me anytime. I would love to be your friend!!!!

Brokenheart777 posted 6/15/2013 15:05 PM

I'm sure most all BS and even WS can identify with this. I still get horribly feelings in my chest and stomach when I'm around happy couples. I've been trying to find the good things about being on my own. Although I struggle with this, I sense that I will adapt to it in time and I will gain strength as time passes.

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