[This message edited by Ostrich80 at 9:50 PM, June 14th (Friday)]
I remember in May, my son was being inducted into the National Honor Society....I got there early and I sat and watched all of his friends parents trickle in. Moms and dads that are 'together.' I sat there alone. It was freaking awful. Yes I spoke to them all and laughed and was proud of my son....but, damn. THIS is NOT how my life was supposed to turn out, kwim?
Honey, you do have a future ahead of you. We are born alone and we will die alone. The only person that you can count on is yourself. It'll take a while to re-configure your life.....but it WILL happen. You will get through this. You will. Certain things will continue to sting, but you'll handle it. Seeing 'happy' families *still* really bothers me....but I just have a "what can I do about it" attitude. I just have to re-adjust because 'that' isn't MY reality anymore.
Just keep plugging along.
In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.
Find some things to do that are truly for individuals. Maybe a class at the community college or yoga/gym class or a knitting circle or something. I think getting out and getting your mind off of things is crucial - and finding something that is not family/couple focused would be the first requirement.
I felt that way too. It DOES get gradually better.
Your WH is not your life. Your life is going to be what you make of it from here on out.
Call a friend and arrange an evening out with her.
Talk to us on SI. We are here for you. You are not alone. ALl the BSs on here can empathize with how you feel. We understand.
The WSs here have seen your pain in their own BSs. They too can have words of wisdom for you. Read some of Baxter's posts in the "Questions for WS from BS" thread in the I CAN RELATE forum.
The thing is, I love being on my own - never had a problem at all with him being away for business. Never felt lonely or sad. So I couldn't fathom why I suddenly felt as if I couldn't breathe from loneliness once it all hit the fan.
Loneliness is about more than not having the physical company of another person, it's about not having someone in your corner, the feeling that there's no-one out there who really has your back. And to see other people who all *seem* to have that, yep, I remember how it sucks.
I wish I could help take it away somehow.
Is there any hobby you pushed out to accommodate your H? Any way you can start that up again?
As tough as it is now, it does get better.
I do have trigger moments sometimes, like when I see older couples around my age out and holding hands and it kind of breaks my heart that I don't have that in my life. But -- it does get better. I honestly didn't realize how unhappy I had become until, some months out, I discovered that my stress levels were going down and I could actually smile a lot of the time. There is a future for you too, and you definitely will be happy again.
"I can fill the flask up, but can't get past us
I'm in the storm, staying strong, but can't get back