[This message edited by DoneWithLove at 1:10 AM, June 15th (Saturday)]
We are in R.
[This message edited by DoneWithLove at 10:23 AM, June 17th (Monday)]
If I didnt have bad luck, I wouldnt have any luck at all.
Gently, if this is how you usually feel, please talk with someone about this - a friend, a pastor, an IC. You don't have to live like this.
[This message edited by sisoon at 12:00 PM, June 17th (Monday)]
[This message edited by DoneWithLove at 11:22 PM, June 17th (Monday)]
being a glass half empty kind of person helps me to be less gullible
You're lying to yourself. For example, you apparently believe a 'blood on the moon' superstition that has no basis in fact. That's being pretty gullible. Another example: you're telling yourself you'll die a horrible death, and there's no way you can know how you'll die unless you plan to arrange it a certain way. That's pretty gullible.
I haven't suffered anything like you have, but I was a pessimist for the vast majority of my life. I became an optimist, starting about 14 years ago - it was a switch that took several years. Believe me, as an optimist I have a far more accurate view of reality than I ever did as a pessimist.
It's very true you've been treated horribly. You HAVE been victimized. I fully understand that you feel terrible grief, rage, physical pain all over, and, especially, dear.
But there's nothing real in your images of your future, unless you choose to make them real.
Please, take care of yourself. Look for Cs who have helped people recover from trauma - someone may be just the person to help you.
If you get the help that works for you, you can heal and thrive. It will be hard, painful work, but the work can enable you to end the pain. You can conjure up positive images for your life and make many of them real. Life entails suffering, of course. If you become an optimist and do some serious healing from your many traumas, you'll still stub your toes, miss goals, lose loved ones, and you've already experienced things that no one should ever experience, but there's plenty of joy and satisfaction to be had, if you open yourself to the possibilities. There are no guarantees, unfortunately, but give yourself a chance....
But you wrote about 'blood on the moon'....
That's pure superstition. Absolutely meaningless. I understand why you're scaring yourself, and I hope you stop doing so.
[This message edited by sisoon at 1:17 PM, June 18th (Tuesday)]
[This message edited by DoneWithLove at 6:10 PM, June 18th (Tuesday)]
WRT blood on the moon, for one thing, you completely ignore all the people who see blood on the moon and who don't experience bloodshed in their lives in the near future. That sounds 'gullible' to me.
You say you know bad circumstances are right around the corner for you. How do you know that? My bet is that you can't reliably predict the future. Why would you say that?
Please reread Knowing's post and follow her advice. Self-pity is poison.